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Men grow up with the idea that they should protect women, on varying levels of subconscious depending on the individual. The men in my life try to �save� me. Rescue me from other men. From myself. From life. They claim responsibility for me. They have taken part in my life, taken parts of my life, to make it partially theirs. My life, in little pieces, lying scattered in the road. These men have shaped my life, but not in any way they can control. It is not their responsibility. Responsibility is an aspect of control. If someone is responsible for me, that person also controls me. The Chinese legend: if you save someone�s life, you are responsible for that person for the rest of his or her life. No one can save me except myself. Through much of my life past puberty, I was living for other people. I was living to please others, or because I was holding on to them as a reason not to sink in the quicksand. I understood this in the aftermath of William. I cannot live for others. I can only live because I want to live. |
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