distract. something to make you sleep. something to make you forget. everyone needs
to be fixed. the heaviness of smoke. the cold of metal under flesh. happiness in a pill.
filling an empty life with empty possessions. obsessions. i had not fully understood my
addiction. i would like to pretend that i knew nothing about this, but i had fragments of
this realization for years. i didn�t want to know. i felt the hook pulling, insistent on my
arteries. always tugging, and i always followed. i could feel it in my veins, this
emptiness. i can feel it now. internal bleeding. bleeding into nothing. ink spreads on a
page. in the ruin, i found a diary i had kept when i was eight years old. �i wish [blank]
hadn�t dumped me. i miss him. i love him.� i knew i had written these words a long
time, but i had no idea how long. i knew then that this was the end.