Trust

Without it each marriage is doomed to failure. Though it is written that our God is a jelous God, human jealousy isn't a sign of love, but rather of the opposite feeling -- hatred.

Love to the spouse implies utter trust in all spheres of one's life and especially in private life.

From my childhood I didn't like contact with people who liked to speak allusively, drop hints or kept something back. In course of time I learned to avoid such intercourse and listening to somebody I perceived his or her words unequivocal. If I didn't understand anything I either asked what exactly the person meant or ceased the intercourse depending on how important it was I had a choice: to believe or not to believe.

Everything is different in marriage relationship. If it is healthy you don't need that choice, because "not to believe" even doesn't cross your mind. If you have a suspicion somewhere in your heart, it will surely flow out in your attitude to your spouse. If you can't hide your emotions the distrust will make your behaviour strange and suspicious. If you are a good actor and can hide your real feelings, it won't help you in your desire to know the truth and it won't give you peace and confidence that every person needs. And anyway there is a victim not only of real state of affairs but also of your suspicion. First of all, the victim is your love and intimacy, and your spouse, if he or she is not guilty.

You can say: "How I can possibly trust, if I have reasons not to do it?" Of course you have. And your spouse has, doesn't he (she)? Maybe in some other issues, maybe you think they aren't as important, as your ones, but if one is looking for a reason, he will surely find it. I am writing all these not because I want you to look for reasons, but I challenge you to build your relationship in a new way. And the first step to this relationship is the utter forgivness of each other without a right to mention past lies. The next step is to move your focus to yourself. I mean, if before you tried to control and watch your spouse, now watch yourself. It may happen that you'll see that the speck in your spouse's eye was just a reflection of a log in your own eye. And even if it is not true in your case, it will serve only for the better. First of all an honest look inside your soul will help you to see more good features in your spouse you never noticed or pay attention before. And secondly when God sees your sincere desire to change first of all yourself for the better, He Himself will work with your spouse, and believe me, He will do it the best possible way.