Dear Blog,
Gah!!! What a day!! This morning Eva and I went to Coffee bean and man, did I load up on the caffine! Today was the first time I tried a mocha latte (which has espresso) and it was soooooo good.....much better than a café mocha I think. So, still drinking my coffee and waking up I went to my BC calc class. Mrs. Calahan, being such a diligent teacher, already had our tests graded. My stomach sank a little bit just because I got scared that I had had some false hope yesterday that I actually did well on my test. We switched seats then she called people up one by one. She called Melike's name (it's her birthday today!! Happy Birthday Melike!!!) and I knew I would be next. "Laura, Laura Reynolds...ah there you are...." I sifted my way through the crowded isle and as my fingers touched the top of my test, Mrs. Calahan smiled at me and said, "you kicked butt".....what?!? That's SOOOOOO cool!! That's the last thing I'd expect to hear from a math teacher! I mean, yeah, I'm interested in math, but I usually don't get the top grades....but yay! I did kick butt ;) I got an A =) an A on my BC c-a-l-c-u-l-u-s test =) Ok...sorry to the people reading this...it prolly sounds really self centered and like gloating...and well, I am. = ) But I am SO, SO happy!!!!!!!! ::does a touchdown dance:: Plus most of the rest of the day was pretty cool too....and I was hyper..so that made it even better....I think I was a little mean to my horn section though. WEll, let me explain. We played two pieces in band today...and on the first piece I thought I'd let people choose their parts b/c I didn't care if I played first or not....but then on the second piece I wanted to play first because it was a cool part....but Brittany was like, "Oh, Monica and I know the first and second parts...if you want us to then we can play it...oh Laura, don't worry we'll play it." As if I was worrying about playing the part and they were doing me a favor by letting me off the hook for 1st. At first I didn't really understand what they were saying because I was bouncing around and making weird faces at Rebecca, Casey, and Eva....so I said, "um...it's ok...just play normal parts...what? um...right, I don't know what you're saying...ok...ya...I'll play first," Britanny looked a little pissed, but um, maybe if they were better players I wouldn't mind playing some of the other parts...but until they start to practice, then I think I should have the important parts...b/c I don't want to get blamed for having a crappy section. WHATEVER! So, ya now they prolly hate me, but since I was not even paying attention to what was happening and I was just joking around with Jacob, it was all cool. Then...in water polo today there was a big power struggle...and some of the varsity people who think they're the shit and never show up to practice except when they feel like they want to wield some power (and today happened to be one of those days) well, today they came late to practice and they started yelling at me, Jordan, and Joanna because we were doing it the way Flanders told us to. Basically they stared at us when we started the workout, decided to go do it on their own...we waited for them to finish to start the Greeks, but they bitched about not having enough rest, then after the Greeks they got mad because we were going to snake up and they wanted to snake down because it's easier (although it doesn't do you much good) so we snaked up and they snaked down and Kristen and Pearl's panties are all in a bunch because we didn't do what they told us to do so they went and told on us to Flanders and it just a big fucking mess just because they think they're so much better than we are. Well, you know what...if they showed up to practice more often I wouldn't have a problem listening to them, but since they never come...I don't really appreciate being talked down to or talked to like I'm some insignifigant person and there's no way that I could ever be as good as them. Well, you know what? I don't ever want to be like them because they're just a bunch spoiled bitches. That's all I have to say....maybe I'm the spoiled bitch...so be it. But I'm still happy about everything else =)

Love,
Laura

October 2, 2002

Dear Blog,
Do you think I talk to much? I think I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one talking and I wonder if maybe it might intimidate people...and then ya...I run out of things to say and it seems like people are actually relieved. I never really thought about it before...but for some reason right now I feel that way. And look at me now...just jabbering away. Too bad I never have this much to say when I write my essays or my current events (which I should be doing right now). Grr....also...has anyone ever had the feeling where they really don't want something to happen, yet at the same time they really want it to? It's a strange feeling. It's kinda like watching the coffee machine drip the last few drops of coffee into the pot and desperately wanting to take the pot of coffee and pour yourself a cup, but if you do the drops of coffee that are still coming out will get your coffee machine all wet and dirty. I think that's a bad simile...but hey, it works in my head. Arg...I'm having serious mood swings...a second ago I was happy because I think I did really well on all of my tests today and I just took a bath so I feel all nice and clean...but now that I'm writing I just feel like getting mad...I want to yell and scream and get in a fight with someone (not a physical fight...but an arguement) I just need to get it out. Oh! guess what (a little sidetrack) the Special Edition Beauty and the Beast just came out on DVD! I'm so getting that! I bet it even has the french version! = ) see...look at that...I was happy again....arg....stupid chemicals in brain. Need to be happy....now....need to act happy. I wish the middle part of my body would go away. I don't like it.

bye

September 30, 2002

Dear Blog,
Wow, I had a really weird dream this afternoon. I dreamt that I was walking to Trader Joe's with Matteo and I kept forgetting his name. We ran into a whole bunch of people we knew and I ended up talking to Anya and Eva and Casey. Then I heard Christine's laugh and I opened my door. As I opened my door Matteo started wriggling around and he stopped and I called him Pierre but corrected myself, but it still took a while to remember his name. Then my mom woke me up.

As for other news: College still sucks. I am still procrastinating. And my mouth was weird while I played the horn today. Goodnight.

Love,
Laura

September 30, 2002

Dear Blog,
I am being an idiot....grr...why do I always leave everything to the last minute?!? I knew this essay would be hard to write that's why I left it til now, and now...it's even harder because I have approximately 4 or 5 hours to finish...then I won't get a chance to sleep...and why am I writing this down? This isn't helping me....considering the circumstances I guess I'm pretty calm....but inside I'm on fire....damn it...I hate it when I do this.....dang a lang.

Love,
the idiot

Dear Blog,

September 24, 2002

Dear Blog,
My head is stretching out....pounding, beating, aching. Why why why???? I hate this stupid college thing. I just want to go...I hate the searching, researching, applying. It seems like the minute I like something I hear that the school sucks, but the second I diregard it I hear that it's amazing. Who am I supposed to listen to? I want to have more options that I have. I know I want to be a horn player....but that's not enough...I can't see myself only doing music...for some reason I'd feel stupid. Not only am I taking the risk of becoming a street performer on the promanade, but that means that all of my work in math and science in high school was just a waste of my time. But I love math! I love science! I love playing the horn! With the first two I could probably find a happy medium, but with the horn added...I don't know what to do. I don't want to only be able to talk about music. I want to be able to talk about astronomy and multivariable calculus and Crime and Punishment and the stock market and then be able to say all of that in french. Arg!!

Carnegie Mellon....what a big headache. First it sounds great. Then it sounds mediocre, then it sounds amazing and I'm ready to pack my bags, but now it seems like a waste of my time. And on top of all of this rig-a-ma-roll, I feel like I'm being a really crappy friend. Lately I've felt pretty detatched at school, and it seems easier to talk to people I don't know very well that it is to talk to some of my best friends. But it's not that it's easier...I just feel somewhat removed from the converstation, as if I've lost touch with them. And that makes me feel very sad. I mean, I don't really do anything anymore with them...and I dunno, it just seems like they think that I don't understand, I guess I feel like I felt a few years ago...except now it's reverse. I think I'll just think about everything...that's what I need to do. I just want to be alone right now. Away from the world...then maybe I can sort things out. Why does my life have to be like everything else and move towards chaos instead of stability?

Love,
Laura

September 22, 2002

Dear Blog,

Love,
Laura

September 21, 2002

Dear Blog,
What's up with the last few nights? I've been having the weird dreams lately....on Thursday night I dreamt that I had to make myself a lunch for school really fast so I grabbed an uncooked hot dog from the table and stuffed it into a bun, then I found a container of macaroni salad and put that in my lunch, and then I made about three turkey sandwiches and put it in my lunch. Then as I was about to walk out the door, everything spillled out and I had to scoop up the mess of macaroni salad up with the lid of the container and I put it all back into my lunch. Then I woke up.

Last night I dreamt that yesterday (friday) had actually been thursday and I hadn't done any of my homework. Strange....

Well, I don't have much else to say, so i'll talk to you alls later. a bientot!

Love,
Laura

September 19, 2002

Dear Blog,
Guess what! I'm moving to Canada! (well, only if stupid America goes to stupid war and reinstates the stupid draft). So....in reality I'm not...yet. lol...Mwahhahahaha! I'm so happy right now! The horn teacher from Carnegie Mellon emailed me and so I've been calling him and it's cool because I"m actually being recruited by some other school besides UCLA. = ) Unfortunately for my parents the phone calls to Pittsburg are going to add up to some big $$ prolly. I realized that my writing has turned to crap. I can't write...my sentences make hardly any sense and just barely follow any of the rule of writing English. You know what would be cool...if I could be like Pierre and have days where I start talking in a different language...lol...I wonder how that would feel. That's prolly one of the biggest reasons why I want to learn another language..to feel what it's like to be able to speak another language. Ahh...I think I should stop writing now 'cause I'm tired and still have to stud yfor my dumb math quiz that's tomorrow..hopefully she'll pick number 28 because that's the one I like the most...but knowing my luck it will be on something where I have to graph...yep it will most definately be a graphing problem. BLaH (yes, casey I know I'm stealing your word...but too bad.) Oh and because I promised another cameo to Micheal ... well, there it is. =) And how about the rest of my friends too...Eva, Anya, Casey, Sophie, Emily, Pierre-Françoys (look! I found the cedille!! =) ), Micheal, Kimberly, and many others but I don't think anyone other than these people read my blog (I don't even know if all of these people read my blog...but just in case ;)) Oh and you know what I have to say...Melike always wears the cutest outfits. Also it was Olga's Birthday today...Happy 16th Birthday Olga!! yay! ::waves her happy birthday flag:: I miss the people at the theater. I want to do a show again. = ( too bad I have no time to do that. Grr..sleep. Bye.

Peace out,
Laura

September 17, 2002

Dear Blog,

How delicately the soft, luminous clouds drift through the greying sky.
How lovely the colors of pink and blue and creamy white.
How I wish I could float like the puffs of collected molecules of water.

Lighter than air, at the will of the wind
whispering away, away, away.
Angels sing and play their glorious music.
Sublime and surreal.

Yet thunder strikes.
The cloud becomes heavy.
It cries and drops itself back to la terre.
Each tiny little drop falling
in a long free fall,
Only acted upon by gravity.

But lo, the sky breaks
and out from this fissure a glimpse of the sun musters the courage to shout out loud,
“Here I am. Behold, the rain will cease.”
And like the parted seas, the parting clouds resist the division
trying desperately to glue themselves together.
But the sun, bold and bright,
Finds its way through the cracks,
around the edges,
and eventually permeates through the entire body itself, gleaming.

The rain stops.
The angels begin to play.
The sun cries out for joy.
And I look into the sky to breathe a sigh of relief.

September 17, 2002

Dear Blog,
Dude, wazzup in the house?! I's be chillin here in my crib bustin out some trix on my french horn yo. Ha! I suck! Ich kann nicht bumsend, zu glauben, wie Lamé ich sein kann. Es ist so dumm. Ich bin nicht in einer schlechten Stimmung gleichmäßig, im Augenblick..., das ich gerade wie Venting fühle. OH-, meine Mamma ist gehende Nüsse. Ich kann nicht stehen, wie sie total zum contol mein Leben versucht. Ich kann nicht es stehen. Ich gehe... heute sie fast ließ mich nicht mein eigenes bookcover auf mein Mathebuch setzen verrückt. Was die Hölle? O.K., Liebe PIerre des O.K.S... I. Ich liebe ihn viel. Ich wünsche, daß ich mehr Zeit mit ihm verbringen könnte, weil er solch ein Schatz zu mir ist. Aber, da ich nicht kann, kann ich dieses auf meinem website gerade bekanntgeben und sagen, daß Pierre die Liebe meines Lebens... ist und ya, das ich denke, daß ich ein wenig repetative erhalte. Gee..I-Hoffnung keine spricht Portugiesen. Non posso scopando per credere come il lamè io può essere. È così stupid. Non sono neppure in un umore difettoso ora... che ritengo appena come venting. il crap dell'cOh, il mio mom è dadi andanti. Non posso levarsi in piedi come completamente sta provando al contol la mia vita. Non posso levarselo in piedi. Sto andando pazzesco... oggi lei quasi non lo ho lasciato mettere il mio proprio bookcover sul mio libro di per la matematica. Che cosa il hell? Approvazione, amore Pierre di approvazione... I. Lo amo mólto. Desidero che potrei passargli più tempo con, perché è un tal innamorato a me. Ma poiché non posso posso inviare questo sul mio website e dire appena che Pierre è l'amore della mia vita... e ya penso che stia ottenendo in qualche modo repetative. La speranza di Gee..I nessuno parla Portoghese.

Amor, Geneviéve

September 16, 2002

Dear Blog,
This sucks...I just deleted my whole entry...well, most of it was about how cool Micheal's pool is and what a pimp hacker he is...lol, but now since I'm so mad at this stupid computer I don't want to write that much. grr...

Love,
Laura

September 14, 2002

Dear Blog,
This past week everyone has been talking about reflecting on the past and honoring the victims of 9-11...which I think is absolutely the most appropriate thing to do. However I think there's a limit to how much media should be involved in that. There was just WAY too much on TV...so much so that I would almost classify it as disrespect.

Well, I guess there's not much I can do about that. Last night I went to an Amateur astronomy club meeting and it was pretty cool...Pierre and I were the youngest ones there by about 30 years..lol. It started out kinda slow, but then people started giving some lectures about coins that had space stuff on the back and then about Mars, and finally the last one (and most interesting) was on Comets, meteors, and NEOS. The guy that gave that lecture seemed to be a mixture of Dr. Hammer and Steve Buchemi. So, he was pretty funny to listen to.

Well, that's all I have to say for today!

Love,
Laura

September 9, 2002

Dear Blog,
Bonjour! Comment allez vous? Je vais tres bien merci, et vous? Au revoir!

Love, Laura

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