Blog entries from May 7 – June 5, 2002

Blog entries from June 6 - July 19, 2002

Blog entries from July 30 - September 8, 2002

Blog entries from September 8 to October 23, 2002

Blog entries from October 27, 2002 to March 14, 2003

Blog entries from March 31 to July 19, 2003Blog entries from July 20, 2003



Still Frames

Some old and some new.
Faces I don't recognize, yet they are
in my blood.
Is that me I see in that
old man,
blushing woman,
that photographer,
and guitarist?

Love
Is what I see.
Happiness and fragility
The toddler with the wide eyes.
Yup, that's my brother.
Even my greying grandfather whom I never met,
Speaks to me.
Somehow, I can meet and greet
my past and present.

The wild side of my dad.
Oh how I love him.
My brother and Mom too.
Life is different through a picture.
There isn't the complexity of the moment looming
in the air.

Most are happy
(or pretending to be)
Yet, at the same time you are able to learn
about yourself.
My family is a part of me.
These pictures are a part of me
Without the second, I wouldn't know the first.

Children miss the lives of their parents.
Could I
have ever imagined my dad on a
motorcycle
don't a wheelie?
Looking cool,
and acting young?
I can.

Would I
have realized I truely care about
my brother?
I do.

Now I see
my mom as a person,
as a friend,
as a wife.
I will.

I will only see
some
in another life
for they are gone
before this one.
Others,
are just gone.

Treasure,
I do,
these moments from
the past.

Wishing
always
for more.


This Side of the Sun

Two old men, different.
Holding two babies, different.
Both on a couch, same
Both in a white shirt
and blue pants, same
One asian, Japanese
One white, English
One clear, English
One blurry, Japanese
Is that the purple blanket my mom crocheted?
Grandpa Reynolds.
Is that the old coffee table we used to have?
Grandpa Akutagawa (ojichan)
That's me in one lap
my cousin in the other.
Both babies, same.
One girl, one boy, different
Sunny and pink.


June 4, 2002

What of the Remains
Silly,
Crazy anger flies like a moth.
Poof!
It's gone into the high, higher, highest depths of the cloudy sky.
Rain drops clatter on the tin roof seeping through the cracks into round metallic tubs.
Remember to empty the water
before it floods the room.
Heavenly tears have such a refreshing quality.
I like watching the humming bird suckle the yellow dandilions.
Jump, Flap, Jump.
Let us play.
Hopscotch? No, no....my heart longs for more.
Spread my feather like I can soar above the stream.
Push yourself into me
Make me feel your presence inside of me.
Release your soul.
Envelope your mind.
Climax unwillingly.
I love you and hope you love me. Keeping it real.
Whatever that means.
The stars aline with the streetlights and the smell of laundry detergent fills the
pungent mist.
Air is tangible. Feel it. Squeeze it.
Breathe it in and let it fill your lungs
with it's sticky sensations.
In and out. Up and down.
Quiet, my little sparrow.
From your left ear to your right ear, show me your teeth.
Smile and cry those tears away.

June, 1 2002

Dear Blog,
How nice a crazy, full day can be. What a wonderful feeling it is to have morning, afternoon, and night feel like three incredibly different days. All I can say is that I was genuinely happy for the first time in weeks last night. Exhaustion would usually make me irritable and upset. But I felt carefree and alive. Time didn't matter, I was in no hurry to be anywhere. I just savored the few drops of life that I got to experience. Thank you mom. Thank you dad. Thank you Pierre. And thank you all my friends.

Love,
Laura

May 30, 2002

Welcome

fully mature,
not coming completely.
Have activity in the cortex.Such stroke,
apathetic or childishly silly,
hypersexual
or bellicose as hell, scatological, or blasphemous.
Off-line, unable
to carry out its wasting task of censoring life.
Complete senses concerned
with emotion and memories.
So Bring It On.
Now free to be filled with uninhibited actions.
Breathe the air,
communicate telepathically and
announce your love.
Mind you, the lack of activity
explains disinhibition.
It doesn't tell us anything.
Spend universal time staging that particular musical.
Specific remains a mystery yet
truth would constitute the classic features of science–
manage to redefine the unknown.
Answer the question
because you might suprise yourself and turn out to be you.
The new are typically anything else that can be measured.

Spectrum, Spectrum, Spectrum.

These are highly controlled folks,
working overtime good and tight.
Why dislike novelty?
Don't ever be poor.
Express nuances of emotions, folks.
For we dine together two nights from Thursday.

Ideas flow naturally through the clear, lucid water.
Tumbling, thumbling, bumbling
to the sea. "de la mer, sil vous plait"
continue existing, even in the hottest desert,
the coldest tundra.
Cease to be with it.
Welcome back to reality.
This life is over.
Open the curtains so the sun can light the blue room.

Rejoice in your happiness.

May 30, 2002

Wild Dreams

Crazy Nights
open door to unconscious mind
Feel disaffected
Speak a language you do not understand
UNDERSTAND.
feel someone's foot on top of your
own.
Glance.
Your eyes meet an attractive sense
You must now say:
"Phlegm"
Stand.
Everyone else is gone
As are your clothes
fling yourself in passion
rise in the air and embrace the sensuality
of experience.

Clouds bursh past.
Sob in shame.
disapprove.
and with great clarity and and inexplicable sense of nostalgia, recite,
"William Henry Seward, U.S. Secretary of State in the Andrew Johnson administration."

I dream,
Therefore
I am


Want a little more
draw a line in virgin sand
Interpret dreams
Psychotherapy.
Send several generations of
NEUROSCIENTISTS
scurrying to define
-the brain
-the mind
understand so we can
Think instead
in all that time, we have learned our own.

Dreams: "The royal road to unconscious"
Laypeople go wild with interest
But scientists got better at
MEASURING
They got more dismissive
Dreams?
Just a bunch of
WILD,
potentially meaningless electrical discharges
fantasies that
BUBBLE
to the surface during
SLEEP.

Let go of fascination
Wake up from a lively scene,
brim with emotion
and imagination
and dismiss it as a random excursion of
electrons
aquit the dream that's more
REAL
than being awake?
NO.
secretly fascinated by voyages into
uncharted areas of consciousness
DREAMS COME TRUE.
Be so wild.
Pay more attention to
Quaint
ideas about the mind.

I dream,
Therefore
I am

May 27, 2002

Dear Blog,

Today two great answers are duking it out with each other in my head: Yes and No. So far, "no" is winning. Now, unless you are me, you have no idea what I am talking about. That is good. So on with it...Yes seems like the way to go for many reasons. First of all, who cares? What will it matter in a few years? Second, it might turn out to be a really good thing. And third? Well, you see there isn't really a third. And with No, there are about 3000 good things involved. Ok, maybe only 300. But still....I shouldn't even be thinking about this I guess. It just makes my life more complicated, and that's why no is winning. Not that it even matters right now. You know what I'm tired of doing? I'm tired of trying to be something that I'm not. I'm tired of having to explain myself if someone thinks I'm weird. I'm tired of being embarrassed if someone doesn't agree with me. And now everyone reading my blog will simultaneously think, "Shut the **** up!" and everyone can stop reading right now if they want to because I'm in the mood to just go off on anything and everything....so if anyone is offended or disgusted or just tired of hearing me complain...then just stop reading =) Hmm...well, I suddenly feel better...strange. Oh well...I'm going to go and think about stuff.

Love,
LAura

May 26, 2002

Dear Blog,

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. This week was very strange. It was the aftermath of AP testing, prom, and Stanford 9 testing. Everyone is starting to realize that it's almost summer, and that many of our classes are finished. Yay! 16 more days of Latin!! Then no more Mr. Quinette! =)

Yesterday was a lot of fun. I went to the Promenade with Pierre and Kimberly (Yay!! Kimberly finally met him!!) and we ate at Johnny Rockets. Mmm....The mustard was a very bright yellow yesterday, but, as most mustard is, good. Yay! Today Eva's having a "girls BBQ" I'm so excited! This weekend is going to turn out fun despite my mom being in a bad mood. (Hemmingway would critisize my use of abstract adjectives). Ok, well, I'm tired of writing right now...maybe I'll write about what happens at the BBQ when I get home tomorrow. Goodbye and have an exciting and adventurous weekend!! Happy Memorial Day!

Love,
Laura

May 19, 2002

Dear Blog,

Whew! I survived the weekend! 2 Proms baby! On Friday night I went to St. Monica's Prom...which was on the Queen Mary. And on Saturday night (yesterday) I went to SAMOHI's Prom which was at the Pasadena Center. I like Pierre's prom more because the food was much, much, much better (lol..and everyone was fed there.) and the DJ was much much better. We had a really delicious Caesar Salad, chicken with a mushroom sauce, asparagus, a little bit of pasta, and chocolate cheesecake. The DJ played all different kinds of music: there was swing, salsa, slow, and hip hop. Sure, the majority was hip hop, but at least there was more than just one section of swing. At my Prom we had salad with (as Pierre says, Kraft dressing), really gross imitation teryaki chicken, tomatoes, potatoes, some vegetable I couldn't decipher, and a strawberry cheesecake that had a little bit more flavor than a cardboard box. The DJ had gotten my hopes up during the airplane food dinner by playing Frank Sinatra...I started thinking that maybe SAMOHI's prom will actually have a little bit more class than I expected. Unfortunately, those raised hopes were disappointed. At least Pierre was there =) Well, i'm really tired (I just got home from STAR WARS!!)...so I'll continue this entry later.

Goodnight!

Love,
Laura

P.S. PLEASE SIGN MY GUESTBOOK!! It's looks so sad with only 1 entry!!

May 14, 2002

Dear Blog,

Today was a beautiful day. I woke up, took a bath, had time to get dressed and groomed like a normal girl, and had a good breakfast. I went to school and took my final AP test. Right now it all seems like such a blur...I remember thinking that the multiple choice on today's test was a lot easier than the multiple choice on saturday's test, but now I'm not so sure. The essays were definately a lot harder for me today. The first essay was on DNA and to prove that it was the hereditary material. I had to choose two experiments out of three and decribe them and how they relate to DNA....and there was another part....oh! yeah, the last part of the first essay was to explain the apparent contradiction of DNA and gene sequencing (how humans must have similar sequencing, yet every person has a unique DNA fingerprint). And that was only one essay! Luckily the others were easier than that one....but (as David would say...) Jeezy-Queezy! that one was definately, um, bad.

So the next big thing I did today was go to water polo practice. Now, let me remind you of my sports schedule: Water Polo in the winter, swim team in the spring. If someone can explain to me why my coach is starting to freak out and yell at us about our enthusiasm and telling us that our water polo abilities are not up to par, why he is telling this to us now...I will give them a dollar. In order to win this dollar, you have to give me a reason so good, that I will go up to my coach and congratulate him for doing such a good job. That is very unlikely to happen. So, yeah.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to UCLA to listen to the wind ensemble there. yay! Go Bruins!

Today Pierre sent me a really touching story. I think everyone should read it...and I know some of you might think it's just sappy, but I think the lessons are really important:

"At a fund-raising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the school's students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.
After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question.
"Everything God does is done with perfection. Yet, my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is God's plan reflected in my son?"
The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe," the father answered, "that when God brings a child like Shay into the world, an opportunity to realize the Divine Plan presents itself. And it comes in the way people treat that child."
Then, he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they will let me play?" Shay's father knew that most boys would not want him on their team. But the father understood that if his son were allowed to play it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging.
Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We are losing by six runs, and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning." In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
At the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield. Although no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base. Shay was scheduled to be the next at-bat. Would the team actually let Shay bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have ended the game.
Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first. Run to first." Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled "Run to second, run to second!" By the time Shay was rounding first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman for a tag. But the right fielder understood what the pitcher's intentions had been, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head. Shay ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home. As Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay! Run home!" Shay ran home, stepped on home plate and was cheered as the hero, for hitting a "grand slam" and winning the game for his team.
"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of the Divine Plan into this  world."
Love, Laura

May 13, 2002

Dear Blog,

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!AP biology test is tomorrow! Good luck to all the poor souls like me who must endure yet another 3.5 hours of biology testing. I swear it never ends. For example, today I came to school and I realized it was another Stanford 9 testing day...and lo and behold...the main test was BIOLOGY! yay! Oh well, at least I got a 4 on my final =) What a relief after thinking that I completely screwed it up by not carefully reading the directions on the second essay. OK...I have more to tell you about Sunday (what a wonderful day!!!) and how I got to meet Marc-André and Marie....and how Pierre and I are learning (self teaching) to swing dance! =) but now I must run to bed and fall asleep and dream of nephrons and alveoli and gametophytes.

I love you all!
-Laura

May 11, 2002

Dear Blog,

Today was a crazy day! At 9am I had an AP Biology final. I felt SO stupid! The multiple choice was really hard, but that probably just means a high curve. The thing the killed me was the second essay. I thought I had done really well because the essay was on how neurons communicate (YES!)...and I wrote about everything...the action potential, the name of the neurotransmitter, the name of the enzyme that stops the neurotransmitters from stimulating the post-synaptic neuron....everything. But of course, being in such a rush and being too careless, I didn't read the directions very well. I only wrote about how one thing communicates, but the directions said to write about 3 things!! Aiiii!!! (as the crazy tron people would say). Ivy made everyone (Christine, Anya, and me) flower crowns during the break.

But on to better things. I love the sun. =) It's the best thing to happen to the Earth. It makes the corn grow, the days warm, and everyone's skin glow. Ah, and there's going to be a lot of sun this summer hopefully! I can't wait!! I have only 27 more days of Latin class!! Whoo hoo! ::does a dance:: OH!!! Speaking of dancing...on Thursday I went to ballroom dance club and learned the foxtrot. It was so cool because Mr. Blatz (the teacher who teaches the dances) used me as an example of how to do the dance and he told me that I was a very good follower. =) yay! And next thursday they're learning more swing and salsa (I've been wanting to learn how to salsa forever!)...and it's so exciting because Pierre actually wants to learn how to swing dance too =) yay! I love my Pierre! Hopefully I'll get to see him tomorrow and get to meet Marc-André and Marie. =) Au revoir!

Love,
Laura

May 10, 2002

Dear Blog,

Hello. I just woke up from my 20 hour nap. And let me tell you....I needed it. I'm not sure if I was that tired from taking my AP English test (which, by the way, went better than I expected) or from just not getting enough sleep or from being sick. It's probably a combination of all of it. It was really strange because I was feeling fine, maybe a little bit tired but otherwise ok, then all of a sudden I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. Pierre said my face was all red. At first I thought it would only last a few seconds, but it didn't stop and my stomach started hurting so I decided to go home (I was at Pierre's). When I got home I fell asleep right away. Then I woke up around 12:55am with a big stomach ache...luckily my dad was there to comfort me and give me medicine to make me feel better.

On a happier note...I found another cheese that I like. =) The cheese I like is Brie. It's so smooth and creamy...Mmm...when I feel better I'm definately going to get some, and some good bread and have a good bread and good cheese party. Speaking of parties....should I have one? I know I do NOT want to have it at my house...but where? And when? Hmm...maybe I'll just bring a cake for all my friends or bake cookies or something for all of my friends on my birthday. That's what I'll do. The only thing I want on my birthday is for it to be sunny so I can go to the beach. =)

OK, well I'm going to make myself some soup. Goodnight everyone! Have a great weekend!!

Love,
Laura

P.S. Everyone go sign my guestbook!! Thanks!

May 8, 2002

Dear Blog,

I must preface this entry: These are some of the thoughts that go through my head during the school day. You'll notice as you read that what I say is very scattered and somewhat random. That's because I wrote most of this at school during the small breaks I have in class. Well, enjoy my psychosis.

Laura is officially freaking out. I have my AP English test tomorrow, my AP Biology final on Saturday, and my AP Bio test on tuesday! Today they passed out report cards and when I looked at it my heart rate tripled and a wave of nausea engulfed me. My math grade dropped from a B to a B-. That means there's no way I have a chance of getting an A- or A by the end of the year unless I get perfect scores for the rest of the year (as if that will ever happen). My only hope for getting an unweighted GPA of 3.8 is if I get a 5 on my AP bio final on Saturday. ARG!!! Ok, so, when I go home today I need to study english for a little bit and study biology a lot (after I've finished updating this to my website). Then I'm going to make myself some pasta and salad with a glass of milk and go to sleep. I will wake up at 6:30 am tomorrow, take a bath, eat some oatmeal, go to school and take my AP english test in the Penthouse ballroom at the Doubletree hotel (Oooo...Ahh...). I better do well tomorrow. If I don't get a 5 on this test, then I've failed. Uh oh. Mr. Quinette's going to explode. (By the way, I'm writing this in my Latin class)

Am I a boring person? Sometimes, like now, I wonder if I'm at all interesting. I don't have anything important or meaningful to say. I don't know enough about anything to say anything that means anything or that anyone might be interested in. When I think about the things I talk about with my friends most of the time I realize that half of what is said doesn't even mean anything. I mean, who cares about the math test? What does it mean? How can that help you learn about your friend? But then again, what else is there to talk about. Maybe I should just not care. Grrr...

Okay. I'm feeling a little better now. I got a 4 on my practice english test. damn. I'm going to get a 5 tomorrow. I will. I need to study all of my literary terms and rhetorical terms and practice writing theses (ha! I can't spell!). Ah man, my english class is crazy. We're talking about vibrating watches, throwing food into each other's mouths....how wonderful =).

YAY! Today Pierre is taking his driving test. XXX! Goodluck my dear!

Now it is Music class. I have just found out that the 1812 overture was cut from the Senior Gala concert (June 8....my birthday!). Now, that wouldn't be so bad except that we're going to play Buckaroo HOliday by Copeland. A stupid, stupid, STUPID song compared to 1812. And french horns have a dumb part. ok, whatever (lol, what a relief)

Swim Team Sucks!

I think the essence of a man is in his face. I know that sounds strange....but it's so manly to see a guy slowly rub his face with his fingers just after he's shaved....not massaging his face, but feeling the smoothness of it. Not ramdomly doing this either, but rather, while they're thinking, so they do it unconsciencely (sp?)...Yeah, I know I"m not making any sense.

=) Congratulations and thank you for actually reading this whole, very unorganized entry!

Love,
Laura

May 7, 2002

Dear Blog,
Hello! Well, it seems like it’s time for me to follow the fold and make a blog for myself. I guess it seems a little strange for me to tell the whole world my feelings, but hey, who’s gonna read this anyways? So, where to start? From the beginning? no, that might take too long. I’ll just start from the end.

Today is my 6 month driving anniversary!! Yay! That means that I can now legally drive other people under the age of 21. Not as if I even have a car, but it’s one less reason my parents can use against me when I ask them if I can drive (their car). Today is also a day before the month before my 17th birthday! LOL, but as Anya says, who’s counting? I’d like to wish Pierre good luck on his driving test tomorrow! yay! Good Luck!!

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about writing. I’ve had this great urge to write. But most of the time I think about this is when I’m walking home or to the bus stop and it’s about little random things. For example, there’s a house right next to the freeway that used to be really run down and had a barren front yard. Now there’s a beautiful, colorful garden with rose vines growing up the fence that seperates the freeway from the property. As I was walking home yesterday, I looked at this garden and I really wanted to capture the feelings I felt. It was almost surreal. For a moment I felt like I was walking through a photograph in a museum somewhere that had a caption saying something like, “The perserverance of Life in the city.” I wish I could explain. I wish I could share with everyone that feeling of warmth that that garden gave me. Most people would probably call me crazy. Why is she so obsessed with this stupid garden? Well, the truth is that it’s not just the garden. It’s lots of things. And I don’t think that it’s so much that I’m obsessed with it....it’s more that I can imagine someone else writing a book or short story, or something about the garden and really recreating it, not just describing, but actually making the reader feel like they were there. I want to know how. Sometimes I can imagine these great authors sitting up all night typing furiously barely able to keep up with the flow of ideas in their head. They must have to be in their own world. How else can you make someone else believe they are in a different world? It’s not possible. Ha, why am I so worried about something like this? it’s not as if I even wanted to become a writer when I’m older. I should be going off on a tangent about suspensions and half cadences and doubling the 5th of a secondary dominant chord. (music). Or I should be wondering what the velocity of earth is and how that effects the way we see the sky (even though I know for sure that has already been figured out...it’s just an example of what I should be thinking). Ha! The funniest thing, that I’ve always laughed at myself about is my habit of explaining myself to myself. After all, this blog is like my journal, and if it’s my journal, I’m writing it for myself, therefore why should I have to explain my arguement to myself? Ah! There I go again!

Hmm...how about I change topics? Good idea. yay! in about a week and a half is Prom! I’m so excited! This will be my first dance at my school....hopefully it will be good....but I’m sure it will be, since it is prom. The only thing that bothers me about it is that none of my close friends are going (except Pierre, but of course he’s going! He’s my date!). I think some (all) of them have really dumb reasons for not going. Most of them say that they don’t want to ruin Senior Prom by going to Junior Prom. HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THAT? ok, calm down Laura. It just bothers me so much that everyone has this big thing against Junior Prom. When I was younger (in elementary school and middle school, even the begining of high school) I always thought everyone went to prom, Junior and Senior Year. Sure, there were a couple of people that didn’t go, but only a couple. Maybe all of my friends are the “couple” of people that don’t go. ARG! I think they’re getting annoyed by me bothering them about it. I must say though that there are a few that do want to go...but they are being influenced by the pack, and will probably end up not going. I say those two people should go together! And they would both understand that they are going together as friends and nothing else....but who am I to suggest anything?

Well, maybe I should go and write my AP Government application essay and study for my math test (A BIG thank you to Danny for calling me tonight and helping me out with that!). Okay Peeps! I’ll talk to you soon!

Love,
Laura

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