12:13AM

"If She Only Knew"

I don't know whose side I'm takin'
But I'm not takin' things too well
I can see inside you're achin'
But is it still too early for me to tell?

I try to help you out through the hardest of times
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind
Though it looks as if it's over
I'm still not over you

'Cause I still love you like I did before
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do
If only she knew
Whoa, if only she knew, oh

I try to let it go
but I don't know if I can take it
'Cause the way you looked at me
Made me see that I can't really fake it

I try to help you out through
the hardest of times
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind
Though it looks as if it's over
I'm still not over you

'Cause I still love you like I did before
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do
If only she knew
Whoa

I know she loves you and I can't interfere
So I'll just have to sit back and watch my world disappear
Whoa

I try to help you out through
the hardest of times
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind
Though it looks as if it's over
I'm still not over you
Oh, I'm still not over you

'Cause I still love you like I did before
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do
Whoa
'Cause I will never ever walk away
I'll find a way
She could never love you like I do
If only she knew

If only she knew, oh yeah
Na na na na na na na na.

-Michelle Branch

For Josh.

4.23.02

4:02PM

Which tarot card are you?

12:51AM

Well, Sex on the Beach was a success, which I am glad. A long night, but rewarding that the dorm survived relatively unscathed. Been a long weekend, tired and don't want to do anything. Burned out and now am waiting for inspiration again. It's getting harder and harder to bring myself to do work. Including the research paper that is due in a week. I think I'm going to bed.

4.19.02

1:41PM

today is the day... the day that we have all been waiting for.. SEX ON THE BEACH. Terror, horror, it's ALL wrapped up into one psycho day!

4.18.02

1:36AM

Busy... but friends light the way in all ways. :-) Just remembered today that it's important to take a skip and laugh. Thanks Josh. Support and be supported.

It's hard to fight the relapse to fall back in love with someone again. Especially when you see that person for all their possiblities. When he's just a wonderful person, who you can see having all the patience in the world for kids. Someone who can help guide you just as you can help guide them to your full potentials. And then you snap out of it, back into reality, and remember you're just friends who happen to fold origami.

I guess it's good that I'm distracted and not completely freaking out about sex on the beach or my 8 remaining papers. I massaged seven people yesterday and got great hall spread food. Take pride in the little things is what I say.

4.16.02

10:58AM

Ugh, been busy. Lots of papers, lots of stuff to do, and as always, lots of drama. makes me want to crawl into MY OWN hole (josh) and hibernate until graduation. Going home was nice, and I realized how much I miss my family, and I didn't want to come back to school and face reality. Reality is scary and sometimes a pain in the ass to deal with. GRR. On a brighter note, it's nice to have mel back home, we're getting lunch today with Kate so it should be interesting. :-)

4.10.02

8:44PM

I GOT TA!! Yay i am so excited!! Now I know what I am doing this summer!! Now I have to work on my independent study, read for class tomorrow and of course, write another paper due friday.

4.10.02

2:01AM

Another all nighter, but this one is worth it. I knew something was wrong, and I'm glad that I can be there for my friend. I'm grateful to him in more ways that I can count, and I hope that whatever support I can give will help him. Just remember hon, life was never meant to be easy, and your friends and family will always support you and be there for you. In the face of all my hardships, it's good to remember that other people's lives are also in turmoil, and to be there for them. With all the drama, it's easy to lose track of those who truly count to you, and you need to remember them and put them at the top of your priority list. Papers be damned, some things are more important to make those connections and keep them open. In a world where everything is a false front, with superficial connections, the ones that are genuine must be nourished no matter what.

To a certain degree this is why I keep this blog, not only for myself, but also to let everyone know that I'm alive, that they can check up on me. I don't talk to my family about what's going on all the time, and this is a good way for them to check up on me ;-) and for me to remember and put things in perspective.

4.09.02

8:15PM

I'm a Lemon!!!

Find out what flavor You are!

Yeah, I know I am procastinating, but I will get my work done I promise!! And before Hallspread too. Not having a great day until class, and then class cheered me up a bit. This research paper is not going my way, but hopefully I will get a hold of some sources that will help out, especially a catalogue of some kind. Long day, find out whether or not I get MSI tomorrow, have to take Mel to take the car out. Hung out with Kate, she made me feel better, as she always does :-). now the day is coming to a close, and i didn't hear who got tenure!!

4.08.02

11:09PM

Long day, am tired, but still have work, my current thought is to go to bed early and then get up and do work like at 9 am, which will give me time to work on my presentation and also type some pages... eww I hate my life sometimes. On the happy side, Prof. Tobin gave me an A on my paper, I think that it is my first A from him, but I'm not sure. For the most part I get A- or B+ so I think he was quite happy with how hard I worked with the theory. It goes to prove that what you might think is a horrid paper might end up being a really good one. However that DOES NOT make up for the fact that he has assigned me over 10 papers averaging about 66 typed pages... grrr grrr.

1:18AM

Hehehe, after my problems with Microsoft Office, it's nice to know that there is still a way around, and crazy people who will do it in Texas.

1:01AM

so i have recovered from my all nighter working on my ethnography. It turned out ok, it is definitely getting revised as I want it to be better with better discussion of the structural thingie that Tobin mentioned. Had a lovely weekend with Mel, she gave me an awesome back massage and I slept like a baby. I always think that I am not overly stressed, but when she attacked my shoulders, the knots there would not go away. Which tells me that I am under a lot of stress (duh). But then, the 13 papers I'm going to be writing this coming month and a half MIGHT have SOMETHING to do with it... grrr... mean mean mean professor tobin!! At least I get to go home Friday, but i still have to write a paper for his class. UGH. I'm averaging two papers a week now. Just shoot me ok?

4.07.02

12:55PM

crash.

4.04.02

4:12PM

yes I am slacking off again, but i have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to sit down until today. It's all about the waiting game. I submitted my abstract, now I wait until they let me know. Everytime I walk into the mailroom, I wonder if I have gotten a letter yet. Worked the booth today to sell tickets. It went pretty well I think, just getting the hang of it. Kate has some waiting to do as well. Mark is transferring eight HUGE files to me over the net, and while the first one was sucessful, it took over 8 hours. This is going to be awhile, and we don't even know if it will work. It' s also really hard to get a hold of him as well, since he's attempting to do it will i'm not there to accept it? Weird. Oh well, also waiting to see if I get MSI TA, or RA of the oceanology program. If not, there is also a intership out there, but UNPAID!! I don't think I can survive that. UGH. Kate and I hung out a bunch yesterday, which was awesome, because it is hard to hang out for the rest of the week. I am estimating that I will be writing about 6 or more papers over the next two months. CAN SOMEONE JUST END THE MISERY??!! Someone asked me if it would be hard to write an honors thesis next semester, which is about 50 pages..... I think no, not after all the writing i'm going to be doing THIS weekend.

4.01.02

11:28PM

Getting tired of some of my certain friends instant messaging me only when they want to know something related to the dorm, never just to say hello. :-( I don't like friends sometimes.

9:26PM

so today I am going about my merry way and I think, it isn't that bad, but then you find out that things are not what they seem. It's ridiculous, I think it's hard to respect people when they say one thing and do another. I try not to judge, but let's say I don't feel sorry for people who put themselves in positions which they say they want to avoid. Josh so far hasn't tried anything on me yet, thank goodness, and I've got loads of work to do as ususal.

3.31.02

11:09PM

April Fool's is upon us