-11/1/99
Screaming Boredom
-11/1/99
Problems
-11/2/99
Morning Boredom
-11/3/99
Autumn
-11/4/99
How Can Love Be Wrong?
-11/7/99
Looks
-11/7/99
My Professor
-11/8/99
Tool
-11/13/99
Jubilation!
In a moment all is transformed by song.
-11/14/99
Regression
-11/16/99
Poet's Defense (ironically not poetic)
-11/18/99
Captured
-11/19/99
To All
-11/24/99
I Will Give You the World
-11/24/99
Fight
-11/25/99
Renaissance
-11/28/99
I scream inside but I stay silent during the lecture that bores the life out of me.
I need to get away from here. I should have stayed in my nice warm bed, in comfort.
Boredom boils up inside me as I drift to a dreamworld filled with things I prefer.
I sigh as I look at the clock. Time travels slower now. There are better things to do, like sleep.
I am going insane with boredom. I need to get away. Five minutes left.
Not everyone in this class needs to know this. I want new material, damnit!
Waiting for the class to end, I scream for justice, but no one is listening.
This is unfair and a waste of my time. I demand retribution!
The only consolation I have is that I wrote something I can look back to someday.
I hope I'll laugh, because it is not funny now.
I am not the one who can help you help yourself,
Nor am I the one who can help you on my own.
You need someone more special than I, someone wiser
And more well-versed and more intelligent.
I was known as the most intelligent in Lake Zurich,
Though now I have been humbled by your problems.
Were I able to spend more time with you,
Had you been willing to spend more time with me,
Then maybe we could have solved the riddles
Life presented before us, wrapped in barbed wire
And coated with cyanide powder.
One day you�ll see you�re lonely when you�re alone.
I already know because I�ve already felt.
Submitting is what I hate to do most,
But there is a time and a place for everything.
I was mistaken, and now I am a fool.
If you read this, take it to heart,
But never let me know the things you know,
And I will never let you know the things I know.
You need someone better than I,
For I have only my life and my heart to offer.
I wish you well and bid you adieu, mein Schatz.
Sinking low in my chair,
I think of better days
When things were not so totlangweilig,
When I could stay and learn.
I wonder why the lecture goes
As slowly as today;
You know, I read the book last night
So I don't need to stay.
I sit and float in sleepy stupor,
Gliding through my dreams,
Not caring for the benzene groups
Nor for the double bonds.
Resonance is on the board;
I learned of that last year.
Now he wipes the chalk away,
For er ist im Irrtum.
I wish that I could run away,
Escape to better things,
But here is where I'm doomed to stay,
At least til ten o'clock.
Sleepy dreams and heavy lids
I see throughout the room.
I bet my life that they all feel
The same way that I do.
Now there are ten minutes left
With which to bore me to death,
So here I sit and here I stay.
With ringing bell I'll gladly leave.
With surveyors in the field,
A cool breeze gently brushes over
The people lying in sunshine.
The air is neither frigid nor warm;
It makes for the perfect weather.
Crinkled brown leaves lay strewn
Across the vast green grass,
Thrown there by Wind and Newton.
People walk across the Quad,
Enjoying the banterings of a preacher
And enjoying each other's company.
There is no mud to step in.
The air is crisp and dry.
Not a single cloud floats in the sky.
This is the best time of the year.
Is there a time when the pains of heartache can be forgotten,
When the despair is no longer there, and you can start anew?
Is there a time when someone can find their way into your heart again,
When you find what you left behind, when you thought it was too soon?
Is there a time for love again, when your heart has been gone,
When the emptiness that ruled you then has been eliminated?
Is there a time for one to find your heart and take it as her own,
To take your soul and make it whole, after your endless waiting?
Is there a time to feel again what you thought you�d never feel?
Is there a time to love again, someone you could never love?
Is there a time to feel complete with another girl?
Is there a time for hope again, that you might not be alone?
I know I am in love again, but should I tell her so?
I cannot see her loving me, but should I still try?
I value friendship and enjoy my time with her, but is it true?
When she can�t love me back, is it worth telling her?
Is there a time when I�ll feel this way again, if I don�t?
Can I give her up, when already I am so emotionally attached,
That if I surrender her to someone else, I know I�d never love again?
Is there a time to love again, when all hope has been lost?
Can this be true? Yes, it is; I feel it in my heart.
Is this logical? No, but love has never been so.
Can I let myself? Yes, I can; I have already fallen.
Is this right? Yes, it is; how can love be wrong?
When it's love I think I see,
I truly know it cannot be,
For looks today are much too great
For me to ever get a date
With she I love, the girl I know,
For we all know it can't be so.
I am too dark, I am too tall,
While she is perfect, all in all.
She has her looks, she has her smile;
I think I have a little while,
But then I see it cannot be,
That she could never fall for me.
I see in glass my own reflection
And know my loss is my complexion.
I hate my looks with all my soul;
That is just the way things go.
She can see, which I now know;
She can see it can't be so.
I fall behind and cut my pain,
Which I'd hate to feel again.
I know I'll rise to try anew,
Today I know that I love you.
I'll try and try, every day,
And hopefully I'll have my way,
For hope is in my heart all time,
Hope that you'll some day be mine.
I'll dream of you for all my time,
And hope someday that you'll be mine.
Impervious to those around,
He smiles despite adversity,
Taking care for those nearby,
Unselfish and intelligent.
Married, but lonely inside,
His guise is just a mask;
His true self hides below,
Hidden by his will.
Unfortunate, he cannot see
He's hiding himself inside.
Although he's good and kind,
He's armored from lonliness.
Protected from society,
Always on the brighter side,
He'll never realize his life
Is stuck in self-deception.
Happiness is necessary
In each early morning,
So unselfishness and smiles
Are welcomed every day.
Without questioning,
With but a few laughs,
Acceptance is given him
And he will survive.
Thrust me forth like a dagger.
Plunge me deep into warm flesh,
Drawing blood.
With your hand violently shaking,
Stab upward, breaking the skull,
Creating unconsciousness.
Send me forth into the the air,
And in your haste, forget to
Wipe me clean.
Let me plummet to the sea,
Only to be found again later
By justice.
Beg to burn in your anger,
Suffer the misery of one
Who has been lost.
Treat me as you treat others,
As a tool for your own selfish
Maniacal designs.
(inspired by Simon and Garfunkel's "Cecilia")
Jubilation! The festival begins with warmth and love.
All dance and sing around the fires.
Deep into the night we celebrate life.
"Jubilation!" we cry out at once.
We're happy that we're all together.
"Celebration!" we sing in our songs.
The joy of living will go on and on.
Our hearts together add spiritual love
That everyone needs to feel whole.
Our joy spreads through ourselves,
And rainbow warmth is in our eyes.
Jubilation! We've done it again!
We've won where all others have failed.
Jubilation! We're one again!
And now I feel all at home,
Drunk with familial celebration.
Jubilation! I pour out my heart
To everyone dancing around me.
Jubilation! I pour forth my love
To everyone singing out loud all night long.
To a time when my former was better, I fly.
For a dream that can never happen, I cry.
Deep down inside who I'm trying to be
I've found that it's no longer inside of me.
I turn back the clock to feel better days
To a time before hurt could not go away.
To a time when my former was better, I fly.
Not knowing whether it's real or a lie.
Is the poet to be judged, or is the poem?
A poet writes for himself, not for others.
His passionate words are directed
At what he himself feels inside.
He only shares his words with others
To give understanding, to share feeling.
He doesn't need to give his words to others,
But he does so to gain insight into his writing.
Perhaps someone has felt the same feelings.
Perhaps someone knows a better verse.
A poet is not to be attacked for what he writes,
For it is attacking his feelings too,
And he is human, as everyone else.
Judge the poem, not the poet,
For if otherwise, you destroy the feelings
And inspiration once had,
And you stab through a heart of love.
A soft fluttering is in my heart tonight.
Though I may try not to think,
My head fills with pleasure,
Dripping down to the farthest parts of my body.
I know I am sober, yet filled with drunkenness;
The drugs of feeling have captured me once again,
But I make no move to resist.
Ensnared in this dreamworld
Is where I'd like to remain for all my years.
Trapped by emotion, I am stunned
By the suddenness of such a feeling.
As I lean back to relax, I think to myself,
"I have once again found my inspiration."
To all that learn but will never know,
To all that hear but do not listen,
To all that see but cannot perceive,
To all that taste but cannot swallow,
To all that feel but cannot be felt,
To all that love but cannot be loved,
There is still hope for a new beginning.
A light on the horizon will rise someday,
Bringing bountiful harvests and rainbows.
The storms will cease and the clouds will part,
Showing us the blue sky again,
And all will bask in the passion of joy;
And the moments of past will be forgotten.
I can tell you anything;
You are my equal;
You are my friend.
You have taken my heart
And tied it to yours,
Bonding us forever together.
I could listen to you talk
For hours without tiring;
You like to talk.
Sometimes it seems like
You don't listen,
But I make a great listener.
You should relax sometime.
I'd like to take you out
To a fine restaurant
Or an intellectual artistic event
Or a musical performance,
But you are uncomfortable
Alone with me,
And I have little money
To make your dreams come true.
I would love to hear you sing again,
This time in person;
You have a beautiful voice.
If only I were close to you,
I could make your dreams come true.
If only you could leave your fear
And let me comfort you.
For I will never let harm come to you.
I will never leave you alone.
I will give you the world,
If you'd just let me.
I taste something special inside you;
Let it grow, my friend.
Just stay with me,
And I will always be yours.
I am a poet with no words.
I crusade without a cause.
My worries flee from day to day.
I've lost all inspiration.
I becon those who know me,
I call to those who care:
"Who is the one that can give me
A reason to write again?"
My rivers of thought are dry.
My heart is cold as stone.
I have lost all idealism.
My hope has gone away.
So give me a reason to write again;
Give me a passion to love.
Help me to be what I was before.
Don't let me fight me alone.
A renaissance rears its fiery head
Like a dragon waking at dawn,
A rebirth of one, renewal of morality,
King Arthur's Excalibur in stone.
Cover the evils with silken riches
And prosperity will come again.
A turning point in life, a fissure,
Breaking away from self-defeating thoughts
Of denial and greed, which
So fully permeate society to the core,
So completely envelop social thought,
Leaves them behind for the older,
Better ways, time-tested through generations,
Of love and peace and esteem.
Like the lightning-fast martensite,
Quenched in liquid nitrogen,
The thoughts and ideas in my mind,
Flowing as if the devil himself
Opened the gates of hell
And let loose his demons on the world
To persecute those of faith,
Come forth to reign supreme once again.
Borne again of love and necessity,
My spirit rides within my heart,
Harvesting kindness and harmony
For the bettering of self.
Concluding my thoughts, I race ahead
Into darkness, falling asleep
With a peace so rarely found
In my heart.
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