-2/5/99
J II
And now I am moving on.
-2/15/99
When I Was Young
-2/16/99
Paranoia
-2/18/99
I Still Can Dream
-2/22/99
Once There Was a Boy
-2/22/99
Thoughts on Opinions
-2/22/99
The first time I laid eyes on you
I saw beauty.
I saw someone who knew, someone kind,
Someone who cared.
Your eyes, your hair, the way you held yourself,
All painted a picture
Of you for me.
When my gaze first fell upon your face
I fell.
Shy am I, for I never approached you.
Dumb am I for thinking We could ever be.
For you said you are not looking.
You said you were busy.
You avoid me.
Now I know
I cannot be with the most beautiful person
I have ever seen.
I know that I must persevere
And begin my search anew.
I thought, but I was wrong.
I believed, incorrectly.
I knew what I needed,
But could not have,
And that was you.
When I was young I knew nothing.
I thought I had the world in my hand.
I had the intelligence of an Einstein
And the will of a martyr.
When I was young I had everything
From the love of my parents
To the lasting support of my friends.
Or that was my mistaken belief.
When I was young I aimed high.
My goals were insurmountable,
Yet I persevered throughout,
Where others had failed or surrendered.
When I was young I was safe from the words
Spoken so harshly to me by my peers.
Spoken without as much as a hint of empathy.
Spoken, and there I lay, unbroken.
When I was a youth I knew everything.
My world was at my command.
My armies I saw conquer the realm
Of darkness that had reigned before.
When I was a youth I became an adult,
I saw meaning in everything.
I heard people say things that I did not like,
And it pained me deep to my core.
When I was a youth I discovered myself,
Discovered what I would do with my life.
But the harsh words and neglecting
Left me a shell of my younger self.
When I was a youth I lost myself
In a fanciful world where I could reign supreme,
Protected from reality,
Sheltered from life.
When I was teenaged I knew everything,
Or so I had been informed.
I knew all the subjects that my school taught,
Yet I knew very little at all.
When I was teenaged I knew nothing.
I could not stand up for myself,
Isolated from fear in my shell of a shell,
In my fanciful world I called home.
When I was teenaged I felt agony.
For the pain from earlier had not subsided.
I left my life to fate and chance,
And I lost all interest in joy.
When I was teenaged I philosophized
About things that few but the greatest had known.
I abandoned God, I sought my own beliefs,
And I found them, buried inside.
When I was sixteen I knew everything.
I felt I could conquer the world.
The self-esteem I found had gathered inside me
And somehow manifested itself to the world.
When I was sixteen I felt happy.
I was riding the wave of success.
I toppled my shells, the impenetrable forts.
They lay in ruins around my heart.
When I was sixteen I was honored
To be among the best of the best.
I could do anything, and think anything,
And no one could do any better.
When I was sixteen I was cocky.
I believed too much in myself.
I knew that I could do no wrong,
And that was where I was wrong.
When I was a senior I knew nothing.
I began the year as a fool.
The summer had shown me what a moron I was,
And I rebuilt the impenetrable walls.
When I was a senior I was kind.
I attempted to show people I cared.
But the years they had known me had done damage.
They were slow to accept who I was.
When I was a senior I knew everything.
I realized I still had my strengths.
And people around me began liking me more,
And suddenly I had more friends.
When I was a senior I had the time of my life,
Exciting and dangerous, and fun all at once.
I lived on the edge as I had never before done,
Yet I kept my head held high.
When I was in college I knew everything.
No, I must have been wrong.
You see, I only thought I knew everything,
But I really knew nothing at all.
When I was in college I was content
To live my life by fate,
And to try not to screw up too badly;
For I only have once chance to live.
When I was in college I accepted my life,
And discovered who I truly was.
Yet questions remained, would I live long enough?
Is there a God? Why am I here?
When I was in college I first fell in love,
With whom, I do not know.
But I know what I felt, and my life was complete,
And now I have a place to go.
Silent footsteps echo down lost corridors.
Golden lanterns fill the night with darkness.
Lost scriptures lay opened and unread.
The hands we are given strike ourselves.
Men of pride and power lose control.
The sky crumbles under the weight of the stars.
Pivotal climaxes rise from the waste,
Flames shoot like spears from my eyes.
My open mouth reveals unholy minds.
I am the one who rides with the night.
I am the only one who knows what it’s like to die.
I will never fall from my throne.
For your lord has come.
Hello.
I wish you could see me from there.
I am but a boy
Without a face.
You,
With your grand estates
And fancy meals...
You have no time for me.
I live.
I live to learn and love.
Yet I am just a lost soul,
Still searching for the light you have found.
I hope
That someday you will see me,
Someday you will realize who I am,
And I will be happy.
Perhaps,
If I hope and pray enough,
If I dream...
But it could never be.
You,
With your money and pride;
You have no time for a poor boy like me.
You have no time at all.
My soul
Rests on your heart,
Whether you know it or not;
I depend on you.
Maybe
I could look into your eyes once,
Could feel your body once,
Could hear your voice...
No.
It could never be.
You are not for me.
You would never see...
But I,
Alone in the world except for hope,
Alone without you, without love,
I still can dream.
Once there was a boy
Who lived among the clouds.
Flying high above the sky,
He made his parents proud.
This boy had brains and common sense.
He had a smile too.
He had the brilliance of a James
And love that was so true.
He took in his world
In all its true renown.
He loved the world and all it had,
He loved the sky and ground.
He watched each day with wonder,
As the sun rolled by.
And each evening he’d sit and watch
The scarlet western sky.
He loved to rhyme his words.
He loved the color blue.
He loved to sing as good as gold.
He loved all nature too.
Yet, with all his passions,
He’d never made a friend,
Someone who would stand by him
Until the very end.
He’d sit and wonder often
Of how things might have been
If he had had but one good friend;
He might have thought he’d win.
The game of life goes ‘round,
Until all life is gone.
And at the end you count your chips
To see if you have won.
The boy had not the slightest chance
To win his game of life.
He never knew from good or bad,
But he knew of wrong and right.
His morals were impeccable;
His virtues all were true.
Yet people were avoiding him,
So what was he to do?
He took it hard year after year.
Chastised and beaten down,
He chased the game of life, but he
Was only going ‘round.
He knew not where he was living.
He did not know himself.
He lost all hope of to win this game
And turned inside himself.
Cut off from all the outside world,
He took some time to think.
He wished he would not hurt so bad.
He wished for truth and peace.
He hoped he could cure himself
Of this great disease.
He hoped he could be happy again.
He’s hopeful in degrees.
He also lost hold of God.
He lost the voice of Christ.
But in the end he felt that he
Was newly borne all right.
He had more understanding,
More acceptance too.
He was happy once again.
He was now less blue.
He had the world upon his head.
He loved life once again.
The only thing that changed was him.
All else was still the same.
And so the boy went on,
Living life with friends.
He knew how to love again.
He was happy till the end.
We preach our whole lives to make others see our view.
We talk of logic and reason and faith and religion,
Only to have others use our tools against us.
Our pride stands in the way of our understanding.
Humility brings out comprehension,
Even in souls thought to be lost.
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