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It Will Never Go Away
When I look back on my wasted life
I try not to see all the bad things people did,
How they made fun of me.
I was just an innocent little boy
Without any pride. When they sat back and laughed at me,
I felt like I could cry.
I couldn’t see that they meant well,
Just to include me. So I closed my eyes and mouth
And let them tear me apart.
I became a hero in my own eyes
And hardened my stare, never knowing who would hate me next,
Never knowing who’d be there.
I turned cold and introverted.
They let me die. When I was a child I always knew
What it meant to cry.
I learned to live my life
As I thought it should be. When I see someone crying at night
I think, that will never again be me.
When I marry and have children,
When I’m old and gray, I’ll never let my loved ones know
What I went through those days.
I will never put my friends through
What they did to me. I will never insult or let my tongue slip;
I don’t want them to be me.
I vow peace and goodness
As of this very day, but it will never eliminate the pain I felt.
It will never go away.

-1/18/99

There is Only One
There is only one name that I know;
There is only one place that I go,
When there’s no one around and I’m here on the ground,
And there is nothing left to show.
I am all alone in the world.
There is never any place left to go.
There are books and big fires and long lost desires,
But there is nothing left to know.
I am today. I am tomorrow.
I am now. I am forever.
I am the light. I am the darkness.
I am the pain. I am the pleasure.

I have known only one love in time,
And that love has since gone away.
I am never the one who has all the fun.
But that will change today.
I have known only one friend in time.
Friends are not meant to betray.
But right from the start we drifted apart.
Maybe it’s better this way.
I am today. I am tomorrow.
I am one. I am the only.
I am the start. I am the ending.
I am the fire. I am the hate.

There is only one life that I know.
It is too bad it had to be mine.
Looking and trying and fearing and crying,
And I stared in my eyes the whole time.
Bound by these chains on my throat,
I will never be free.
But as long as I live, I refuse to give in,
‘Cos I can only be me.
I am the one. I am the mighty.
I have the power. I will burn you.
I am the strong. I am the only.
I am on fire. I have the pain.
I am today. I am tomorrow.
I am now. I am forever.
I am the light. I am the darkness.
I am the pain. I am the pleasure.
I am the pleasure; I am the pain; I am forever; I am right now.

-1/24/99

The Night Life
Boredom permeates the thick summer air.
The halls are silent with closed doors and daydreams.
The people have all turned in to their rooms
To ignore the world outside them.
The hum of a computer flows into my ears.
The gentle rhythmic pulse of my heart
Joins the beautiful glowing sound of the computer.
And thus the silence has been broken.
Fingers on the keys, gently tapping away,
Or feet slowly padding along the carpeted floors,
Or the noises of motorcycles and cars in the street
All add to the old silence of the night.
The fridge begins to rumble its tune
In harmony with the computer.
And all the while my heart keeping beat
To the song of the silence of the night.
A deep voice echoes down the hall,
Softly, but still able to be heard.
Another higher voice responds with an identical tone,
And the silence has been broken.
In the room next door the guys start to talk
About things that I do not care for.
I am merely here tapping away
On my computer early one Thursday night.
The water begins running through the pipes on its voyage
Up to the rooms all above,
And I hear the tunes of some faraway song.
And I think to myself, “The night has begun.”
Voices get louder as more people come,
Crowding into rooms down the hall.
They will party until late, when I am asleep,
And I hear their laughs and their shouts.
The music increases in volume all the while,
And the decibel level rises.
My pulse no longer can be heard
And the once gentle hum has gone.
On this Thursday night I realized
That all people need is a little fun,
So I let them continue their talking and music,
As I fall asleep on my bed.

-1/25/99

I am Alone
I am alone.
I am a mountain.
I rise high
Above the plain.
I was made.
I am here.
I never questioned
The Creator.
I am alone.
I sit, staring.
I have no plans
For the future.
I wonder
About the world.
There is nothing
I can do.
I am alone.
I can think.
I can dream
About the past.
I know not
Who I am,
Where I am going,
Where I have been.
I am alone.
I just sit
To be seen
And to see.
I will stay here
In good and bad,
Happy or sad,
Forever.

-1/28/99


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