Dreamline Broadcast
(special report, August
1, 1998)
Dreamline Broadcast
(special report, August
1, 1998)
[Bad news broadcast music with a "typewriter" rhythm.]
[A redcap in a Santa hat and loud plaid suit which has been wood-stapled to his body is seated behind a desk. He holds a sheaf of papers in his hand, and he begins to eat them without reading, one page at a time.]
TP: Hello, I'm Troy Poodlesbane, and you're watching Dreamline. I know, because I can see you.
[He crumples a page, and starts to lift it to his mouth. He stops.]
TP: You there! Put something on, for gods' sakes.
[He eats the page.]
TP: Ouchytooth the Dragon: Myth or Reality? Well, that seemed to be the hotly debated topic earlier tonight, with some people wanting to summon her into the mortal world to become very, very real, and other people pretty much wanting to kill those first people. We have Johnny Anvilhead on the scene. Johnny?
[Another redcap in nondescript clothing and baseball cap paces agitatedly back and forth in front of Trinity Church in Copley Square. He speaks into a big handheld microphone with a dangling cord that is not connected to anything.]
JA: Well, Troy, let me tell you that here in Copley Square everything seems pretty quiet. Pretty damn quiet.
[Troy interrupts, his mouth full of paper.]
TP: The dragon appeared near the Prudential Center, Johnny.
[Johnny looks crestfallen.]
JA: F**k. [He starts to bash his head against a passing business woman, who runs away. He then goes and headbutts a policeman, who also screams and runs away. Troy interrupts.]
TP: Johnny, can we assume that these people are reacting to your redcappety goodness? Or is it just the headbutt?
JA: No, they seem to see my face, my bee-yootiful face, for what it really is. I guess seeing a dragon and a giant Voltron robot duking it out -- get it, duking?
TP: [chewing] Mmm hmm.
JA: Duking? Do you get it, Troy?
TP: [swallows] Yes, Johnny, I get it.
JA: ... duking it out near -- the Pru, you said? Seein' them duking it out near the Pru and stuff has seriously affected their outlook on the world. [He headbutts the BosTix booth.]
TP: [crumpling another page] And the Mists don't seem to have hit them yet?
[Johnny leers at a passing Eurotrash couple. They scream and run, comically getting in one another's way.]
JA: I guess not. It's like everyone's Enchanted.
TP: Thank you, Johnny. [He eats the page.]
JA: Yeah, whatever... Hey, baby, I got somethin' for ya!
[Johnny runs with his arms up over his head, hands bent in monsterly fashion, in pursuit of the Euro chick.]
TP: [swallowing] And now with a prepared statement is his Excellency Count Dumas of House Eiluned, acting Duke of Novanglia.
[A dark-haired sidhe in Eiluned black, the Seelie Court's own answer to Darth Vader, but without the helmet, is shown sitting in a comfy (but grand) chair next to a roaring fire. He is smoking a pipe.]
Count: My fellow Kithain, earlier tonight a terrible tragedy occurred. Duke Brendan ap Fiona, longtime beloved ruler of these lands, having successfully infiltrated the ranks of some Unseelie commoners led by the treacherous sluagh Lilith Sian of Chi Mu, disrupted a ritual designed to summon Ouchytooth the Dragon into the Waking World -- sadly at the cost of his own life. The motives of these Unseelie terrorists were unclear; we assume it was simply an attempt at sowing chaos and discord, perhaps hoping to destabilize a strong duchy at a time when all of Concordia is reeling from the recent disappearance of our High King. Rumors that the dragon was meant to awaken mortals to the existence of the Dreaming and strengthen all Kithain are untrue and simply an Unseelie whitewash of the events -- while showing, of course, their disregard of the Right of Ignorance and, presumably, the rest of the Escheat -- ; those of you who remember the reign of the Ogre before the Resurgence know how "helpful" this particular dragon would have been. It is true that the resulting outpouring of Glamour seems to have left a residual Enchantment in the downtown Boston area, but we fully expect the Mists to weave their usual spell of forgetfulness over the mortal populace... We are investigating reports of the giant chimerical mechanized man that seems to have aided the Duke in his attempts to hold back the dragon. We ask the citizens of Novanglia to cooperate with any information they might have... Tomorrow is to be a day of mourning for our beloved Duke; no Court business will be transacted. Good night.
[Back to Troy, who is having a coughing fit. Eventually he recovers.]
TP: And there you, uhm, have it. To sum up, the Count says Duke Brendan gave his life to, uh, save us from a dragon and some wicked bad Unseelie... [He pauses for a long moment, then shrugs and tosses the remaining pages over his shoulder.] So that's what happened. Go to bed.
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