Dreamline Broadcast
(Yule 1999)

[Bad news broadcast music with a "typewriter" rhythm.]

[Troy is seated behind the desk as usual, in a red-and-green plaid vest. Instead of his usual Santa hat he is wearing a red leather yarmulke decorated with pyramid studs.]

TP: Hello, I'm Troy Poodlesbane, and I'm working for the day when I don't have to wear any pants . . . Oh, and this is Dreamline. Whatever.

And now, the news.

"Yule Be Sorry."  His Excellency Count Dumas warns that Kithain not prepared for the coming millennium change are pretty damn stupid, almost as stupid as people who spell "millennium" with one "N."  Here's the palace chamberlain, Sir Daniel, with some useful Y2K tips.

[Sir Daniel, a rare instance of Kinain with title, is a tall man with pointed ears (Birth defect or surgical enhancement? You decide.) He is sitting next to Troy, dressed in a white silk frilly shirt and his chain of office.]

Sir D.: Hello, my lords and ladies. On January 1st the year 2000 begins, and lots of mundanes are wicked scared that something B-I-G is going to happen. Well, we can expect the Dreaming to oblige. Without an uncontested High King, Concordia has no sovereign to prevent chaos in the Near Dreaming, and this will definitely have some chimerical spillover into the Waking World. We can at least expect more elaborate nocker devices to be sabotaged by chimerical "Y2K bugs," some of which, holding large wrenches in their forelegs, have already been spotted trashing the labs of several nockers in the Kingdom of Grass, until someone got the idea of bribing them with canned goods to go away.  Make sure you're stocked up.

TP: Some people's imagination can be ploddingly literal, Sir Daniel.

Sir D.: I'm afraid so, Troy.

TP: But Sir Daniel, isn't 2001 really the beginning of the new millennium?

Sir D.: Well, Troy, technically, it is. But the children of the Tuatha De Danaan are born of imagination and the dreams of humanity, and their world is shaped by the beliefs of those who dwell in the twilight of these Autumn Lands.  So if enough stupid people believe something, we are pretty much screwed.

TP: True enough.   Thank you, Sir Daniel . . .  you poser.  In a related story, Johnny Anvilhead is live with Goblin Bob, the Court Armorer:

[A shakey handheld camera approaches a nocker grump in leather overalls. He is hammering something, and has his back to the camera.]

JA (from behind the camera): 'Scuse me, Mr. Bob, but can I ask you a few questions about Y2K preparations?

GB (turning in surprise): Get that damn camera the hell out of my f***ing workshop, you redcap bastard sonovabitch!

JA: . . . Back to you, Troy.

TP: IN OTHER news, There's No Place like Homelessness for the Holidays.  Baron Corwin ap Gwydion has invited the population of the duchy to Yule Festivities tonight in his Rose Garden freehold. Wear something warm.

And that's the news for tonight, Yule 1999, year something-or-other since the blessed Shining Host rode forth from Arcadia blah blah blah.  Good night, and here's my Christmas list:

[A long list of items begins to scroll down the screen, like closing credits, while Troy turns to chat with Sir Daniel. The list includes detailed descriptions of color and style and where things can be bought for the best price.]

{END}