Send me your problems/questions/concerns about your personal/professional/etc lives, and I will do my best to give you my two cents. I will try to guide you in the right direction. Provided below is the login information for a confidential email address where you can send me your emails. Address your emails to [email protected] I have prizes to give away (videos, posters and more) to the first few people who send me a question/problem to ponder. This is a limited time offer, so do email me soon.
You can use this account:
http://mail.yahoo.com
Username: askmikeanything
Password: password
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 12, 2003
Dear Mike,
I really don't know how to put this, it's really hard, and well, writing
it down is not the best mode of getting to the solution to my problem.
I really have tried everything and to no avail have I found a way of beating
this long lasted problem. So through a good friend, I was referred to
you, and now as my only last true hope, I only fathom the fact of you
attempting to help.
You see it all started when I moved to Vancouver (back in 1996), I attending a small high school in East Van. It was the hardest thing ever. Man, I really don't know how to put this. Well, right within the first day, and my first contact....I was....told of my problem upfront and quite bluntly. "You stink like crap! " At that moment, I just wanted to crawl into a box and roll up into a ball. I did not know at first at what the person actually meant, so I began sniffing my self. I did not smell anything out of the ordinary at all. Everything smelt fine. As I was doing my naturalistic behaviours (smelling oneself), I noticed other students sniffing in displeasure as they walked by.
This persisted for the first few months of high school, and everyday I would take 45 minute showers (in which I scrubbed until my skin was red) but never did this "mythical smell" dissipate. In fact, it was as if it amplified.
Over the course of my first school year I met some good friends, and it was at this point that I had found the source to my overwhelming odor.
"Did anyone ever tell you that you smell like "curry"?" Aaahaa! That was it, it must have been it. I had not imagined this fact for the reason I had probably been accustomed to it. It's like if you go poo, and well after a while you get used to the smell. Well, after finding out the source of the smell, and after 7 years, I have still yet to get rid of this intensified opposing force that I generate.
So I ask you, my friend, my cohort, my confidante, if you are at all willing to help me abolish this predicament that I am in.
Stinky Lil Pun Boy
*********
Dear Pun Boy,
You are absolutely correct when you say that you had probably become accustomed
to the smell. It is quite common that someone who spends much time at
a locale of a particular scent soon loses the ability to notice that particular
smell. For example, if you were to begin work at a fish cannery, for the
first few days and weeks, you would be very aware of the smell. You would
come home, and like you say, take 45 minute showers, scrubbing until your
skin is red. But like skunk, the fish smell would not go away.
I spent two years working at the Park Theatre on Cambie and it was not uncommon (actually quite common) that I would arrive home smelling like a movie theatre - that is, like popcorn. No matter how many times I shampoo'd my hair, no matter how long I stood in the shower, I would come out the other end smelling like popcorn.
My friend, the fact of the matter is, chances are, if you were to continue living your particular ethnic way of life, the smell will never go away. A good friend of mine years ago had a similar affliction as yourself. In retaliation, he told me that all Chinese people smell like fish, and that our houses smelled like fish and mothballs. Myself, I don't notice this smell, and the smell of my home has never bothered me. This is quite like how your home may smell. Having grown accustomed to it, you don't notice your particular scent and can only gauge it by the reactions of others.
As difficult as this sounds, as I see it, you have two choices. On the one hand, you can put your culture aside, move out of your home and live amongst the culture within which you would like to fit. For example, if you happen to be finishing high school, this is the perfect opportunity. You can move away from home, and live somewhere with a small East Indian population, and become immersed in that culture - say, Winnipeg, a small city with a population primarily composed of Caucasians.
On the other hand, you can remain true to yourself, accept yourself for who you are and give less regard to what others may think. In one of my Quotes and Jokes some time back, I quoted Dr. Phil as saying, "You wouldn't worry so much about what people thought about you if you realized how seldom people thought about you." You can never expect others to accept you for who are you if you cannot accept yourself for who you are.
The rest I leave to you, Lil Pun Boy. And one day, regardless of which path you take, you will no longer regard yourself as Stinky.
P.S. Good luck on the MCAT. :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
July 30, 2003
Dear Mike,
Like most Vietnamese, I was brought up with the Buddhist belief. My family
is not religious; they'll just probably burn incense on special holidays
or celebrations. We don't even go to temple or recite any Buddhism text.
My father was a Christian for a while when he came to Canada but his father
forbid him to practice any Western religion. So my father gave up church
and took my grandfather's dying wishes to remain as a Buddhist. When I
was in grade 12, I became interested in religion. I remember my teacher
said, "In the end, everyone believes in one God." Sometimes I wonder,
is it the same God that we all believe in? Or do we have our own personal
God in mind?
Today I don't see myself as a Buddhist or atheist. I guess I haven't associated myself with a particular religion. I've tried going to church but I found it pretentious and surreal. I don't mean to offend any church-goers but why must one can ONLY be labeled as a believer of God if they go to church? Why can't we believe in God if we don't go to church? I find it very ignorant of people when they tell me that I don't believe in God. What gives them the position to be more familiar about God just because they go to church every week? Isn't religion about faith and believing? Isn't it one's choice to choose how they want to believe or practice their belief?
Why can't we just believe that God exist? Some people think you have to go to church and be Baptist in order to believe in God. If I sang and waved my hands around and recited the rosary, will God love me more?
I thought God was benevolent.
Why can't people just shut up instead of pretending that they know God?
Yours,
Lil Viet Boi
*********
Dear LVB,
I had a similar question asked by a reader some time back, except he was
brought up a Christian but was considering converting to Islam. The same
quote from Menace II Society applies here as well: "If Allah can
make him a better man than Jesus can, then I'm all for it." Maybe it's
just because I have spent the last three years of my life on a university
campus, but I may have leftist tendencies when it comes to issues like
this. Something that came up in an inter-religious forum in the UBC Student
Union Building a few months back was the fact that too many people focus
on the differences between the world's major religions and far too few
even mention the similarities.
The majority of the world's religions these days are monotheistic, that is, worshipping a single god. That is not to say that worshipping multiple Gods, as is the case in Hinduism (based on my understanding, correct me if I'm wrong), isn't correct. What I am saying relates back to what I said up front: religion is meant to guide one's life, not to control it, not to determine its outcome. It matters not what the other people around you believe, including your family. Religion is a personal choice with personal consequences.
Based on my minute understanding of Christianity, the different schools of thought within Christianity are wide and varied. Compare the beliefs of a Lutheran with a Catholic with a Jehovah's Witness and you will find quite different practices and possibly quite different beliefs on how one should interpret the Bible, for example. Some have argued that organized religion is nothing more than cult behaviour. I'm not going to agree or disagree, but leave that up to your own interpretation.
So, what's my answer? For people that do believe in the Christian God, I think each and every last one of them has a slightly different perception of Him. Some consider Him to be a benevolent God; Others think He is a vengeful God and act accordingly. Truth of the matter is, we will never TRULY know his nature, but each of us can make our own educated decisions based on what knowledge we do have. If you don't think that going to Church each Sunday will do you any benefit, and having tried it found that it is not your cup of tea, who cares what other people think? Myself, I have eclectic beliefs and these I have developed slowly in my mind and they are ever-changing. If someone were to ask me if I believe in a God, I'd say "I'm not sure." And I don't think I will ever be.
Sorry for the longwinded response, but I hope I have been helpful.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 6, 2003
dear mike
I'm an 18 year old SFU undergrad who seems to be having a bit of a problem
moving on with life.
When I left highschool I couldn't have been happier! I was so glad to
get out of that crazy place and move on to bigger and better things.
But now that I'm here, I find myself drifting and daydreaming instead
of doing my work or concentrating (or even going to class). I really
think I need to take some time off to just work and re-evaluate what
is important to me. My parents don't really want me to do this (they
want me to get my degree done in four years-bam bam boom hurry up kinda
thing). My parents aren't really my main problem though...
I've been having these conflicting ideas lately about what I need in my life in order to feel fulfilled. One side of me would like to do as much school as I need to get some high paying job and live in a nice apartment downtown and wear nice clothes and blah blah blah. The other side of me is really seeking out something a little bit deeper than just superficial luxeries...this part of me would like to find a job helping people or maybe go volunteer in a third world country.
I've talked to a couple people about this
inner conflict they have said that they don't really see these two dreams
as conflicting at all. After all, couldn't I get a nice secure job and
volunteer on the weekends? Or donate money to charity? They all agree
that I should get my degree and then see what happens.
That advice is all very nice, but I know that, deep down in my heart
there's still a conflict. I know that if I do the normal job road I'll
feel that my life has no meaning, even if I manage to volunteer and
donate money (i already do now by the way) I'll still feel stupid when
I go home to a warm bed or indulge in expensive shoes. But I also know
that if I choose the other road I might feel helpless and depressed
and I might regret not completing my degree...I'll regret not reaching
towards "socially accepted sucess".
So right now I'm kind of doing...well, nothing. I'm still in school,
but I'm not giving it any effort. I'm acting like a baby, really. I've
decided to get a full time job and move out this summer. I figure that
if I get a taste of the "real world" maybe it will push me
in one direction or the other...out of pure necessity (which seems to
be a pretty weak way to make a choice in my life).
Ok!
So!
My long Loong LONG "question" is...what do you think?
Megan
*********
Dear Megan:
I'm not sure how comforting this is, but I am absolutely positive that
many others feel the same way. As I understand it, your situation is thus:
Now that you find yourself in university, a place that seemingly lacks
any guidance or direction/discipline, you're slacking off and not putting
in very much effort at all; you don't see where all of this would lead.
Your primary dilemma is choosing between a career that would lead to material
wealth but it would be a career hat you feel would be unfulfilling, and
you would feel guilty indulging in these worldly goods when you know you
could have spent the time "making a difference in the world."
So, you also want to volunteer in developing countries, working to help
those less fortunate than yourself.
I believe that your friends are right in that these two options or not contradicting or in direct opposition. There are careers out there that, although they may not be the most glamourous or make you a millionaire, they would be more fulfilling and you would be making a comfortable living. I'm not saying these jobs would be easy; no job is easy, but if you're willing to put in a little effort, it is sure to pay off in the end. You could be in a job where you are helping others and making a difference (and perhaps, this might be a job that requires that degree your parents so desire!), and at the same time, you'll be making enough money to have a nice home, and have the opportunity to indulge, just a little. If travelling is your thing, that could be on the agenda as well, depending on the career.
Now, you might be asking, what is this perfect job?!?! I can't answer that for you, because, ultimately, I'm not you. Realistically, you may not know if the position is a right fit until you've done it for a while, and even then, you may look for a change in a few years. Last I heard, the average Canadian will go though a half-dozen career changes, so prepare for that. If you are desparately seeking some direction, I suggest seeing a career counsellor, but in the meantime, I can dream up a few options. If you like children and/or youth, perhaps education is in your future. If you want to help the impovershed or people going through tougher times, maybe social work is an option. From my experience at United Way, perhaps a business degree applied to the fundraising industry could be a good mesh; a position such as that would satisfy your parents (you're in business) and you (you're ultimately helping people).
I hope that I've given you a little insight, but through it all, the ball's in your court. Give yourself some time to reflect and introspect, and I'm confident you will find a suitable decision.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
January 10, 2003
A reader wrote in with a suggestion. In the Globe and Mail each week,
they post an Ethics 101 column that poses a moral or social responsibility-type
situation for one to ponder. Below you will find one from a couple of
weeks ago, and I will attempt to give my best advice in such a situation.
Thank you Joseph for your contribution!
You're standing in line at a grocery store when
you notice a woman several spots ahead of you drop something from her
pocket. The person behind her, a large, well-dressed man, picks it up
and puts it in his pocket. When she gets to the cashier, she discovers
she's lost the $20 she was going to use to buy her food. She's frantically
searching, and says it was all the money she had on her. The man behind
her pays no attention. What do you do?
Dear You,
I'm reminded of a concept in psychology that we call the bystander effect.
You might recall not that long ago when a young lady was brutally raped
and murdered; people heard her screams but no one even attempted to contact
the authorities. Everyone simply assumed that "someone else"
would do it. No one accepted responsibility for the situation, and as
a result, the woman died. Although this particular situation is not nearly
as extreme, the effect is the same.
Appearances can be deceiving, and the best-dressed man is just as likely
to be a thief or a con artist as the worst-dressed. So, after all that
beating around the bush, what is my verdict? What should one do in such
a conundrum? Well, one question that one may ask is what was that something
that the woman dropped. However, I believe that this is a moot point.
The significant aspect was the fact that the woman dropped something and
the man did not return it; quite the contrary, he kept it for himself.
I would ask the man (carefully) and be sure to frame it in a non-accusing
kind of way. Something to the extent of "Excuse me sir, are you with
her? Oh, because I saw you pick something up from the ground, perhaps
mistakenly." I think that it is important to know if they are together
or strangers. Quite commonly, couples pick up after one another and you
cannot assume that this man is guilty. Depending on his response to your
interjection, you could then react in a variety of ways. If he assumes
a threatening tone and you fear for not only your personal safety but
also others in the store, I would believe that the store clerk would call
security at this point. Clearly, the right thing to do, at the very least,
is to do something. Whatever that may be, be sure you are reasonably comfortable
in doing it. If you do nothing, you are but yet another example of the
bystander effect and another person has been (possibly) victimized as
a result. Take responsibility.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
