Short Jokes
Send me some if you got em, i'll try and post as often as possible.
What do you call foreplay in Alabama?
'Hey sis, you awake?'
What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
One's a Goodyear and the other is a GREAT year!
Why did God create women?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party, and a bitch sleeps with
everyone at the party except you.
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Call her from wherever you are.
Q. Why is an ethiopian blowjob so good?
A. Because you know she's gonna swallow.
Q. What's the difference between a dead 8 year old and a pizza box?
A. I don't have a pizza box in my trash compactor.
Q. Whats the difference between pink and purple?
A. Your grip.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q. What can 4 women do better than 3 women?
A. Me.
Q. What does the "BFI" on the outside of a garbage truck stand for?
A. Black Family Inside
Q. What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?
A. The jeans only have one fly on them.
Q. did you hear about the ethiopian who fell in the alligator pit?
A. She ate three of them before they could get her out.
Here is a jewish child molester....."hey kid, wanna buy some candy?"
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
Q. What is grosser then your grandfather getting a boner while you are
sittin on his lap?
A. Your grandmother lifting up her skirt and saying "come on kids we are
gonna eat out tonite"
Q. What do you call a guy with no arms no legs and a 12-inch dick?
A. Partially handicapped
Q. Why are jewish children so obnoxious?
A. Heredity
Q. What do the gerbils say when homos walk into the pet store?
A. ARF ARF ARF
Why did the blonde have lipstick on her steering wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn.
Q. What's blue and fucks the homeless?
A. Hypothermia.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear miniskirts?
A: Their balls hang out.
What's brown and often found in children's underpants?
Michael Jackson's hand.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
How do you get your neighbor's kids to stop playing on your lawn?
Molest them.
What is the difference between a paedophile and acne?
Acne waits until your 12 before it comes on your face!
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.
What's better than winning the gold medal at the special olympics?
Not being retarded.
What's red and eats nuts?
Syphillis.
What do you call an Black woman who has an abortion?
A crimestopper.
What's the difference between a miscarriage and a train carriage?
You can't eat a train carriage.
How does a southerner know if his sister is having her period?
His brother's dick tastes funny.
Q. What is white and has a black asshole?
A. The A-Team
Q. Why are women like blenders?
A. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
What does the incestuous hillbilly family do on Halloween?
Pump kin.
Why are lesbians so lazy?
Because they don't do dick and they always eat out!
What is the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in?
What taste good on pie but not on pussy?
Crust!
Q. Why don't women need driver's licenses?
A. There's no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Q. How do you turn a washing machine into a snow plow?
A. Give the bitch a shovel.
Q. Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
How are women and rocks alike?
You skip the flat ones.
How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
One Post, two Globes and as many Times as you want!
Did you know that diarrehea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans...
How many animals can you put in a pair of pantyhose?
One ass, one beaver, a whole bunch of hares, two calves and a fish nobody can find!
What's the most sensitive part of your body during masturbation?
Your ears!
What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
"Nice Tits!"
How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it!
What's the difference between a computer and a woman?
A computer will accept a 3-and-a-half-inch floppy!
Q. What's three feet tall and gives good head?
A. Your son
Q. What do you call a Englishman with 500 girl friends?
A. A Shepherd.
Q. What's Ronald Reagan's favorite pickup line at the bar?
A. Do I come here often?
Q. What is the difference between a crucifixition and a circumcision?
A. In a crucifixition, they throw out the whole Jew.
Q. What's better than having sex with a 12 year old?
A. Three four-year olds.
Q. Why did the LAPD leave the Dodgers' game early?
A. So they could beat the crowd.
How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
What's the diferrence between your dick and your paycheck?
You never have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
What did the leper say to the hooker?
Keep the tip!
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can smell it but they can't have it!
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
What should you give a man who has everything?
Penicillin.
How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you
lose your house.
Q. What's the difference between a pile of dogshit and a nigger?
A. The dogshit will eventually turn white and stop stinking.
Did you hear about the gay guy who wears the patch?
He's down to about three butts a day!
Q. How do make a six year old boy cry twice?
A. Wipe the blood off his ass with his teddy bear!
What's the similarity between a blonde and a turtle?
Once on their back, they're both Fucked!
Q: What's the difference between a white gerbil and a brown gerbil?
A: The white one got away.
Q. Why should'nt you go to a gay bbq?
A. Because the weiners taste like shit.
Q. What's the difference between cat food and a gerbil?
A. The sound they make when you use the can opener.
What do you give an 80 yr-old Grandma for her
birthday?
Mikey, he'll eat anything!
Q. What is the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
A. You can't fuck a rock.
What do you do when the dishwasher stops?
Slap her!
Q. What's worse than dying of cancer?
A. Being black and dying of cancer.
Q. What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?
A. Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
39 year old meat between 11 year old buns!
Q. What does it mean when a girl from Arkansas has cum dripping out of both
sides of her mouth?
A. The trailer's level.
How do you get a queer to fuck a chick?
Rub shit on her pussy.
Q. What's flat and pink and smells like pussy?
A. My tongue.
Q. What do you get when you cross a black and a jew?
A. A janitor that owns the building.
Q. Why do pedophiles love Halloween so much?
A. Free delivery.
Q. How come mexicans always have bloody noses during the winter?
A. It's the only thing they have to pick.
Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned!
What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
Q. What is funnier than a dead baby?
A. A dead baby in a clown suit.
What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbian's apartment?
Potpourri.
Q:Why does the doctor slap babies on the ass when they are born?
A: To knock the dicks off the dumb ones!!!
Why did the redneck cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut!
Q. Why do only 10% of all women go to heaven?
A. If they all went ...it would be HELL.
How do you fit 20 jews in a Volkswagon?
Put 'em in the ashtray.
What is the difference between a jew and a boat?
A boat tips.
Q. Why can't Ray Charles read?
A. Because he's black.
Q. What do you call a redneck who has a dog and a cat?
A. Bisexual.
Q. What's the difference between an onion and a black guy?
A. You cry when you cut up an onion.
Q. When should a white boy wink at black girl?
A. When he's aiming for her.
Why is PMS named PMS?
Because Mad Cow Disease was aleady taken.
Q. What's black and blue and doesn't like ropes?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
Q. What does it mean when you find a grain of rice inside a bucket?
A. Some poor Ethiopian kid has been up all night puking.
Q. What would it take for a man to respect a woman's mind?
A. Have it bounce gently as she walks down the street.
Q. What's brown and tastes like applesauce?
A. Baby shit.
Q. What's the difference between a retarded child and a fucking freak?
A. Political correctness.
I saw a woman walking down the street wearing a shirt that said "Guess?"
I said "38-D?"
What's better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ
I heard there was a blackout in Mississippi the other day.
Luckily the cops managed to beat him up and throw him in jail.
Did you hear about the girl who went on a fishing trip with 6 guys?
She came back with a red snapper.
Q. What's the difference between a fridge and a vagina?
A. The fridge doesn't fart when you whip the meat out.
One Greek says to another, "Do you think you'll ever go back to Greece?"
"No," he answered, "I'll stick with vaseline!"
What's the difference between light and dark?
You can sleep with a light-on
Why didn't the Greek boy run away from home?
He didn't want to leave his brothers behind!
Q. What's the difference between a woman with pms and a pitbull ?
A. Lipstick.
Q. What's a wife ?
A. An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
Q. How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
A. Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
A. Money.
Q. Why did God make man first?
A. He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.
Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
A. Made her chain too long.
Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q. Why did God create lesbians?
A. So feminists couldn't breed.
Q. What's the best thing about a blowjob?
A. Ten minutes silence.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch
Q Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A. So they won't be mistaken for feminists.
What is 18 inches long and makes women scream?
A dead baby.