| No... ITCH NOT! Thank you Sean Connery! |
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| Chapter 3: A drunkard of a different name Linzy looked up from her desk in the Hogwarts library and smirked. Noisily and obviously, two students were making out in a corner. "Ahem..." She said with a smile looking down her nose at them. She was only a year or two older then most of the students here, as were the rest of the faculty and staff, so she knew what it was like to be a kid. Which helped in giving them a bit of a break, "Dude, you can makeout ... just not in front of me, please?" She asked with a laugh. They went back to kissing so she went back to doing nothing. She wasn't terribly busy today as this school was obscenely lazy, professor's included. She was in no rush to stack or put away any books of any kind. She'd much rather sit back, relax and gossip with the other girls. So that's what she did. She crossed her legs and put on a pair of head phones, soon the Chicago sound track was humming merrily in her ears. She looked around the library boredly and decided that logically the sun was no where to be seen which must mean it's past 5' o clock, disregarding the fact that there weren't any windows in the library anyway. Stepping down from her desk and quickly gathering her things, Linzy jogged out of the musty room and out into the main hall. From her purse she pulled out a few things which she thought would always get her by in life, lip gloss, a comb and peach schnapps. She ran the comb through her long dark hair and quickly applied some soft pink gloss. Taking a swig of the schnapps Linzy felt ready to continue her day, with a huge smile on her face, and a flush in her cheeks she stepped outside hoping to find someone in particular. From a distance it appeared the person she was looking for was working tirelessly in the school's gardens. His closely shaven head glistening in the sunlight with beads of sweat. He stood up, muscles bulging from his small working tank top and he wiped his dirty hands on his jeans. Linzy blushed slightly at just the thought of talking to him, but she knew she had too. She walked quickly in his direction and called out to him waving a bit, "Jeremy! Are you busy?" She asked as she neared him. He turned to face her and Linzy was shocked to see a stranger peering back at her strangely. Resembling a much more beautiful version of Mr. Clean, Moulder smiled evilly at Linzy whose mouth was agape. He was wearing a shower cap over his long Tarzan-like hair and a 'Crazy in Cancun' tank that was hardly covering his rock hard muscles and abs. He wasn't even actually working in the garden, he had been practicing for a Bod-Man commercial which he had an audition for in a few days. The shower cap helped him think and keep his 'fly away hair' perfectly preserved. He looked her up and down, his purple with lust tongue lolling about uncontrollably, not that he wanted to control it. "You must be tired..." he told her lavishly scratching at a crusty pimple on his butt. "And why would that be?" Linzy replied afraid to even respond to such an impostor and creep. "Because you've been having sex with me all day long and loving every hour of it." Moulder told her matter of faculty. "I am a wonderful love and peace maker aren't I?" Moulder said as it were more obvious then his outstanding beauty suddenly spitting on his tired hands, so tired from being so beautiful and used his fart force to blow dry them, his face looking orgasmic while the warm wind caressed his abused hands. "Look!" Moulder said as if he was having an orgasm. He pointed ultimately at his hard on of peace. "He recognizes you!" His penis was waving faithfully and appeared to be trying to sniff Linzy's butt like it had a mind of it's own, not that it didn't. A low growling sound suddenly emerged from his penis after it had gotten a good sent of Linzy. "What the FUCK!?" Linzy screamed backing away from his living boner. Then it began to attack her, mercilessly pounding it's self in and at her butt. "Oh MY!" Moulder said sounding frightened and turned all at the same time. "He's never been this aggressive I assure you!" He said licking his lips with excitement. "This just in..." He said putting a finger to his ear as if receiving a message from a news producer. "My penis has just entered your anus and is LOVING IT! You like that too!? Yes, I knew you would..." Pretending completely not to hear her screams. "WHAT IN THE WHOLEY FUCK!?" She screamed as loud as she possibly could running away from him wondering what the hell that freak thought he was doing. She looked back at him and ran back kicking him in the balls and then running away again |
| Prologue: A Gaseous Boy Chapter 1: The Hippest Hogwarts Chapter 2: The Usual and Unusual Suspects Chapter 3: A Drunkard of a Different Name |
| The Story of Moulder |