| No... ITCH NOT! Thank you Sean Connery! |
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| Chapter 2: The usual and unusual suspects Jamie walked quickly down the fire-lit hall, his dark shaggy locks falling in his eyes as he searched for his dorm located in the Gryffindor house. He paused a moment, squinting in the dim light at a number on a door. 'Room 666...interesting'. Jamie thought with a smirk. 'Interesting, but not mine.' He walked past a few more doors and came to a stop, this time in front of room 702. He dropped his few bags on the floor by his feet and pulled a key out of his back pocket unlocking the door and pushing it open. "Home sweet home..." He said with a content sigh as he viewed the contence of the room, kicking his belongings through the threshold. Jamie Hannah was a Freshman right out of High School. This school seemed the best place to go considering he was hoping to not have to do anything at all. Not to mention his sister Brittany, only 3 years older, was the Headmistress. Not that he was expecting any special treatment or anything. The school had been newly equipped with just about everything a pot smoking teen could ever need, and Jamie planned on taking full advantage of that fact, pot smoking included. Following dreams of someday becoming a famous musician, Jamie was inticed by the special classes offered in Hogwarts as well. Band class, taught by renowned pot-head musician Craig Nicholls of the Vines, was a spiritual experience as well as a hell of a good time. Mostly smoking and laughing at random things, Craig hoped to teach the students to embrace the Highly Evolvedness of the human race. The class had little academic value which was very appealing to the slow and stupid. Not even bothering to put away his feeble possessions, Jamie pocketed the key once again and left his room. Hoping to better explore the rest of the school and maybe meet some new people, Jamie jogged down the stairs finding himself in the main hall. With a large selection of doors and things to see Jamie couldn't decide where to go first. After a quick game of "enie meanie minie moe" Jamie chose the largest door that would lead him to the Great Hall. The room was brightly decorated with six long tables filling the large space and another separate table which he assumed was for the professor's. It was near empty except for a few house elves milling around cleaning and one girl sitting at the table nearest the right wall. Her long blonde curly hair was sheilding her face from view as her head bent over a book of some kind. Jamie wasn't one to be shy. He had always made it his buisness to be as friendly as possible. He brushed his long hair out of his eyes and walked up to her slowly. Clearing his throat, he sat across from her. "Hey there..." He began meagerly, "I'm Jamie. What's your name?" He asked with a smile. Their face slowly lifted from the book, a familiar toothy grin emerged from the sexy-as-a-barf-bag face. Moulder sat there grinning madly up at the swamp moon, other wise known as Jamie, in his beautiful blonde Erika Christenson wig. He swung a shaved/hairy tanned leg over the bench, crossing his legs like a primitive secretary. "I'm Moulder..." he said in what could only be discribed as a Steve Erkle impression. His manicured 5 inch hot pink nails twirling themselves mad in his wigged head, becoming sea sick with the sperm whale fumes. He looked down at his book he was reading but not really reading and knocked it to the floor. "Oops, did I do that?" He said in a sexy yet non-comittile Erkle voice becoming red and flustered with his passion pink pumps of rock hard sex for Jamie. He quickly batted his long blue eyelashes of destiny at Jamie and bent over, giving him full veiw of his well toned and muscly buttocks through his purple nurple mini skirt. He power farted in Jamie's sexy face, giving him the will and strength to stand up and face the day anew. The bend, fart and snap...works everytime. Moulder thought injuredly as he snapped up tucking his elbows in and in conclusion pushing out his man boobs of dictatorship. Jamie flung himself back at the surprise of Moulder's er...stunning beauty and forced a smile. "Uh, Hi Moulder. Nice to er meet you and stuff." Jamie said slowly backing away from the sight of his buttocks protruding from his skirt. " I guess i'll see you around." Jamie said backing away still, the terror evident in his voice. What in the wholey fuck is a Moulder!? He thought wildly trying to flee from Moulder's fart which had blown his hair from his eyes. Moulder looked hurt, a playful pout tugged the full lips that where Moulder's. "Are you sure you can't stay?" He asked hiking his mini skirt up, his hard on of peace had never been harder. Show more leg Fox...yes, even that leg. He told himself timidly. He smirked a little, red lip stick smeared slightly as if he was just giving CPR to his Craig Nicholls penis-mole Margaret, which... he had. "Yes...yeah...I hafta er, go to Albania. I work in the peace core you see..." Jamie said thouroughly disgusted and distracted by Moulders penis hanging down between his legs in that mini skirt. "Albania? Sounds...stiffling." Moulder answered stroking his hard on of peace as if it were a muskrat that had been raping his parakeet all day until the Swamp Moon reached out and touched someone. "Yeah well you see I must go...lots of sloths that need my help, Albania...yup." Jamie said quickly resorting to simply closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to witness Moudler's masterbation. I will never be able to eat again...or masterbate for that matter. He thought on the verge of puking. He turned blindly and ran...straight into a wall... knocking himself out. "Oooh!" Moulder said giddily turning serious for a moment. "My first LIVE subject, but as we all know," he said talking to his penis, "rules and regulations are rules and regulations...and cheese is orange and sometimes white." He said most pointlessly as he didn't go by the rules of the F.B.I but he did like cheese of all colors of the rainbow. |
| Prologue: A Gaseous Boy Chapter 1: The Hippest Hogwarts Chapter 2: The Usual and Unusual Suspects Chapter 3: A Drunkard of a Different Name |
| The Story of Moulder |