| No... ITCH NOT! Thank you Sean Connery! |
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| Chapter 1: The Hippest Hogwarts Moulder landed his zephyr of fertility on the main Hogwarts grounds amidst the students having sex in the lake with Captain Planet. Walking almost bigotedly around the campus as if with every soft-as-a-rose-pedal step he took he was becoming the pivotal king of Planet Tampon in the Rag galaxy. He sashayed up to the main doors and pivoted around pointing his butt at the door. Instead of knocking he used his powers of fart to thump loudly thrice times. As the door creaked open, a satisfied toothy grin crawled it's way across Molder's stunning as a wilder beast facial features and stayed that way as if his cheek muscles were frozen in June like his mothers heart. Walking into the castle was a different experience for Moulder. For the first time in his life he was in a castle in England that wasn't a Mexican whore house. It was also the first time he had ever been in a castle in England. Moulder was like a little girl in a candy store, he ran jovially up to the talking moving paintings and farted playfully in their painted faces. He skipped up the stairs and put his hard on of peace in the suits of armor and took a long blissfully ignorant piss in them, singing to the echo of the pee splashing inside like a modern day Cher. It was the sound of life and labor. It was...beautiful. Why Moulder did this even he couldn't be quite sure of, but one thing he could be painfully sure of was that his penis was stuck in the armor. But that little problem didn't last long. Moulder closed his eyes deep in concentration. He focused his strength and as old as cheese wisdom on the shrinking of his enormous hard on of peace and Dr. Pepper. He felt it become loose and wrinkled as if he had been in the bath for too long. He slipped simply and concoctedly from the armor of sexy doom and danced away from it like a farie that was on ecstasy and Coca-Cola. From behind him he heard a sound, soft yet vibrant like the cackle of a turkey in heat. He whipped his head around looking very flustered and Tarzan-like (just like his avatar), and hunched his shoulders as if he was a molting parrot getting ready to pounce on Bald Aaron's sexy naked head of mischief. Suddenly and quite abruptly he leaped 20 maybe 30 feet in the air landing on whatever had made the call of the wild. It was a woman, maybe 22 years of age with the features of an old man including long white hair and beard. "Why...hello." She said sexily yet old-man like. "You must be Agent Moulder. I've been sitting on the edge of my nonexistant seat for you". She spoke once again, fingering her long silvery beard from underneath Moulder who was still on top of her. Before waiting for him to reply she reached underneath herself and plucked from what appeared to be her ass a long blue/green peacock feather and giggled. "I'm Brittany Hannah. The Headmistress of Hogwarts University". She said tickling Moulder's butt, not finding it weird at all to be on the floor in the middle of a school tickling someone's butt with a peacock feather that she grew herself. Moulder welcomed the gentle strokes of the feather on his used and abused backside, letting out a halting and gruesome shudder of Ms. Feider's buck teeth and closed his stony blue eyes that were formerly looking down Brittany's blouse. He then opened his mouth of justifiable juice to speak but found he was stunned by Brittany's utter beauty and diligence. For the first time Moulder could find no wise words of sultry ovaries to guide him. So he let his powers of the ass gas take over. His voice came out dark and womb-like as he floated above Brittany's old man body on the castle floor. Lifted and guided by the love he felt in his heart and his toes of perplexity he spoke, "Yes, I'm Moulder, and I have a few questions to ask you..." He said drooling in a large puddle of orgasmic ooze on Brittany's saggy old face. |
| Prologue: A Gaseous Boy Chapter 1: The Hippest Hogwarts Chapter 2: The Usual and Unusual Suspects Chapter 3: A Drunkard of a Different Name |
| The Story of Moulder |