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Back to last part - Round Nine
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It's OPEN MIKE NIGHT!!!
Yes, that extension course "Adventures in Home Audio" has finally paid off. Some scavenged Orbmobile parts, a couple more 'Bot components (though NOT her virginity -- unnh-uh. No way. Wasn't me.), and voila! One microphone.
So now the tribe can share their talents! Explore untapped abilities! Give us all something to laugh ab -- er, talk about for days to come!
And as a tasty buffet, featuring our signature entree, Tartare de Eduard. With fresh watercress!
Plus a special appearance by Izzie and the Whatzits. (Don't worry, I'll hide the microphone. Last thing we need is those girls with the volume turned up!)
So come on down to the Roadkill Room for an evening of FINE entertainment! (Jello wrestling in the main cafe to follow immediately after the show.)
Looks away from camera
What?
Oh, you're kiddin' me. He's not. Really? Oh, damn.
Looks back at camera with resigned expression.
And Mr. Katims will be doing his interpretive dance, "Three Grecian Urns".
Come anyway. Maybe we can slip a mickey in his Jello.
MF: Yeah.
After seeing his cousin again, Sean started to get a bit freaked out. He kept asking me, "You're Betty, right? And we're not related, right?"
And then there's Courtney who keeps looking at me funny and asking me if I can help her and Maria with her lotion. I know that one, I used it on Sean.
Ava offered to pierce my nose so it would be easier to tell me and Maria apart. I don't know though, I mean, that's not really professional. Although, technically, I am dead, I guess it wouldn't matter too much. What do you think?
MF: I say go for it.
Hmm...
Oh, no, there's that crazy Laurie girl again. Ya know, the one Liz thought was her virginity? She creeps me out more than Nicholas. He's got one helluva attitude for a fourteen year old. He needs a good old fashioned whooping, if you ask me.
MF: He'd enjoy that too much.
You know, that's just wrong. Well, I'm gonna go test out the jello pool.
MF: Stay tuned for details...
Cameraman: Um, Laurie? The Dupes called. They want their comically innacurate ghetto speak back.
Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Monkey? Listen to what I'm sayin'! See, before this merger thing, I was startin' to get happy. I mean, I haven't seen or heard from Max's bitch since she set me free, and I even made a new friend. Courtney's got in on, man. She's got this wrinkly skin thing goin' that makes her look like my grandpa when I was done sponge-bathin' him. At least she did. Now she looks all young and fresh again. But anyway. We was playin' Marco Polo in the Jello pool--naked of course--and she totally grabbed one of my naughty parts. She's really cool. But still, she ain't the same not lookin' like my grandpa and shit. So I stole her skin lotion. I can't wait till she turns all wrinkly again.
Oh shit! There's Max's bitch! Quick, Monkey, you gotta hide me!
Liz pops her head into the tent and peers around.
Liz: Laurie! There you are! Come help me look for my virginity!
Jesus, bitch, I told you I wasn't no vir-gin-it-ee of yours. I'm supposed to meet Courtney by the Jello pool now. This bitch ain't for sale.
Liz grabs Laurie's arm and pulls her out of the tent.
Okay princess, I'm comin'! God, who knew a fuckin' piece of plastic could pull so hard?
MF: Hey, where did you get those handcuffs from??
I found them in Max and Isabel's room.
MF: Interesting...
So anyway, Laurie's being really helpful, aren't you Laurie?
Laurie screams
See? And Rath has been helping us a lot too. I've asked him to investigate Sean. He and Betty are still not looking as close as they were before. I think he must be feeling bad about what he did to me, if it really was him. Okay, it's now time for me and my partner here to go to our secret hideout. Don't look where we go, or else it won't be a secret anymore.
Liz drags Laurie away to the secret hideout, Monkey Fantastico follows them...
MF shouting offscreen: The secret hideout's in her tent!
Liz in the distance: Dammit!!
Oh, about the merge...this is so cool! With both Lonnie and Isabel...Ava and Tess...Maria and that 40s chick who looks just like her? This is gonna be great. I'm just a bit bummed I've gotta share a camp with that whiny bitch trying to find her virginity. She thinks it could be Laurie, which is great since it gives me ample opportunity to search her stuff for my skin cream until Nicholas' runs out.
Oh, look, here comes Mikey. And he's naked. Oh, wait, no he's not...he's wearing Maria. Well, since she's busy, I guess I'll go see what the doubles are up to...
Anyway, I'm going to go find Michael again. He's been really sad since the merger 'cause Kyle's been hanging out in Max's tent "catching up." Maybe I'll see if Courtney wants to hang with us tonight. That should cheer them both up. Courtney and Laurie got real tight, but now Liz is keeping Laurie all to herself. And Liz is going nuts looking for her virginity. It's freakin' hilarious. I think I'll tell her I lost mine too and see if she'll look for it.
Anyway, my dream went like this:
Isabel was bitchin about Max ignoring her since the merger and he's been with Kyle. Lonnie offered to give her a tongue bath to make her feel better and then Nicholas ran over to them and dived on Isabel, talking about how dry her skin looks and that he could rub some lotion on her. It took me, Lonnie, and Courtney to pull him off of her. After we shocked him about a dozen times with Pierce's tazer gun, he passed out.
After that, I went for a walk and heard moaning and stuff. Turned out to be Maria and her boyfriend spending a little quality time together. I decided to go spend some quality time with Sean but he and Rath were bonding over stories about run-ins with the law. So I went to Natural Causes where Ava was working the DJ booth and Jim was behind the bar. Then outta nowhere Liz comes into the place with Laurie handcuffed to her, screaming about her virginity and how she's gonna hold us all hostage until she finds out which one of us took it. We almost could've taken her seriously if she hadn't been pointing a pine cone at us.
I don't remember anything else after that except for waking up near the pool with Courtney, Maria, and Michael.
So what d'you think, Monkey? Dream or jello induced weirdness?
MF: Uh, well... I'll get back to you after I check the footage from last night.
Mr. Monkey Fantastico, rousing himself from a deep slumber: Who's there? Get out of ... Oh, it's only you. What's going on?
I tried to come by last night, and no one was here. Have you noticed that things have been really quiet since the merger?
Mr MF: It's been pretty slow. But you haven't been around much either.
Of course not. Michael, Rath, and I have been getting to know Betty. It's still really weird to see someone who looks so much like me, but I guess that's how Michael feels about Rath. Oh and Rath is totally nuts. He wants us to call him Spike and he keeps running around talking about someone named Angel, who he says is lame and bloody stupid. And his hair sticks straight up, but so does Rath's, so that part I don't even get.
Anyway, I'm going back to the Jell-O pool with Courtney and Betty, but I just wanted to let you know that I told Liz that I lost my virginity too. She's already started trying to put together a search party. This is going to be really funny to watch.
Max: Mom, Dad, viewers, psychotic fans... we know that in some way you always knew that we were different.
Isabel: We want you to know that we love each other soooo much. We�re orphans, we could�ve ended up anywhere, with anyone, but we got each other. What do they say? �There but before the grace of Kyle?�
*glacial pause... crumbles into tears and then turns to address Max *
I�m sorry, I�m sorry to leave you. I wish I could stay and be your girl forever but...
Max: *tearfully* You were a great lover to me. I will always ALWAYS love you. Thank you for everything. *mournfully* Goodbye.
Max and Isabel walk off screen in separate directions. 5 seconds later, both come running back to each other screaming �But you�re my home!� �No, you�re my home!� , and immediately tear each others clothes off.
We are people on a mission. Not only is there my virginity to be found, but there is also my good pal Maria's as well.
Rath: Err, I actually know who--
This is going to take some very hard work. We will need skill, determination, and a lot of spare time on our hands if we are going to figure this out
A silence breaks out for a few seconds
Okay, well at least we have one of those things. Now we have to get to work.
Rath: But a already know who took Mari--
Shut up! We don't have time for guess work. What we need is a plan. I know, we'll interview people! We'll interview them and see if they saw anything. Remember, my virginity is more important to find becuase I have shiny hair! Good luck guys!
They all leave, Rath is muttering something to himself about 'blah, fishcakes', or something.
You add Betty to the mix, and it's goddamn unnatural. Two of them, always pawing at me, wanting more and more and more until I just can't take it anymore. Damn, I went off for a walk in the woods today with Laurie just to get some peace and quiet. Yeah, seriously, it's that bad. I just told her it was over. Can you hear her wailing about it?
MF: I'm not sure. I can barely hear over the sound of your fingers tapping on that damn bongo drum.
Oh, sorry. Didn't realize I was doing it. Guess I'm just preparing for the big concert at the Roadkill Room. Anyways, early this morning I was sitting out by the jello pool, and I lift my head from between Maria's thighs for a second to tell Liz to shut her mouth about her damn virginity before I show her what I've been "saving" for her, when all of the sudden I was overcome by this strange feeling. Damn Maxwell has some fine taste. That 'bot of his is actually got something going on. All this time I thought she was a self-centered, whiny, anal tight-assed bitch. And she's really kind of nice -- in a self-centered, whiny, anal, tight-assed way. She's been hanging around with Rath, which shows that she's desperate. And Max is pretty preoccupied. He's been doing some "remodeling" to his new home. Well, gotta go see . . . Liz. Yeah. Liz. She's uh, the girl for me? I think?
MF: Kyle?
*sigh*
It�s just not at all how I thought it would be.
So when we first got to their camp, everything was great. The first thing I see is Max, running towards me, and then I was damn near crushed as scooped me up and pulled me against the pecs. They�re like steel, man. If he hugged me any harder, I was pretty sure he�d have to heal some ribs.
So we go back to his tent (he kicked everybody else out), and we were in there for like two days by ourselves, and man. You can�t imagine. I don�t know who he�s been practicing on, but he�s picked up some pretty nifty new tricks. But you can�t stay in the tent forever, you know? I started getting dressed, and he was like, �Where are you going?� And I�m like, �Dude, can I at least go see my Dad and have a drink at his new place?� And he got that constipated look he gets when things aren�t going his way, and he was like, �Fine. Whatever.� So I head down to my Dad�s, and man, he�s totally in his prime in that place. I don�t know why he was even bothering with all that Sheriff stuff, �cause this is definitely his true calling. He�s got ladies hanging all over him, and I�ve never seen him look so happy. So Dad and I are laughing, and he�s serving up drinks, and then Nicholas and Latex came in, and man, they look so happy to see me. So we�re hugging and talking and Dad�s giving out free drinks, and it�s just an incredibly good time. They�re catching me up on everything that�s going on in camp; apparently, Isabel�s in some kind of funk and has been crying for days, Liz is still looking for her �virginity,� and some weird shit�s going down with Michael and Maria. So we�re just talking and it�s all good, and then Max comes in. He sees me talking to them and just freezes. He�s all, �So Kyle, you having fun catching up with your dad? Where is your dad, anyway?� I�m like, �Relax, dude, he just went back to the kitchen to get us some wings,� and he�s all, �Right, well, I don�t want to interrupt your fun, so I guess I�ll see you later,� and storms out. So I apologize to Nick and Latex, and Latex is like, �Don�t worry about it, Kyle,� in that cute little accent of his--like, where�s he from? Scotland or something? Anyway, I catch up with Max and apologize, which kind of sucks anyway, �cause what the hell did I do, you know? And he�s still pissy, but he says he �forgives� me, like, whatever, and we go back to the tent. That night he woke me up from the first hour of sleep I�d gotten in forever, hugging me from behind so hard that I literally couldn�t breathe, and begging me, �Please don�t leave me, Kyle. I can�t take it if you leave me.� At this point, I think it�s safe to say I was getting a little freaked out.
So the next day, it looks beautiful out, so I absolutely insist that we go outside and hang with the others. We fight about it for an hour or so, then finally he pulls on a black t-shirt and some black jeans (hi, it�s called color, try incorporating some into your wardrobe sometime) and we go out of the tent. Michael and Maria are having a fight about something and Maria's all weepy, and Liz is turning over rocks and looking behind trees, but everyone else seems to be having a pretty good time. Alex is trying to get people together for a volleyball game, so I pull Max over, even though he�s still got that annoying constipated look on his face. Nick and Latex and Rath and Lonnie and Ava and a bunch of other people are there, and Alex is trying to divide up teams. First they say aliens versus humans, but Alex and I are like, �Yeah, like that would be fair,� plus we weren�t sure which team Latex would be on in that scenario. Then they said boys versus girls. Then Max says, �Hey, I know--how about shirts versus Skins?� and glares at Nicholas. So Nicholas gets mad and starts calling Max a racist, and then they start yelling and punching and everyone�s trying to break them apart, and it�s just a nightmare. So finally we separate them and I�m like, �Max, relax, it�s o.k.,� and then he really explodes: �You want to defend your boyfriend? FINE!� I say that Nicholas is not my boyfriend, but so what if we messed around a little, like Max was really faithful to me before the merge? Then he goes totally postal, screaming, �How could you do this to me?! He�s a Skin!� and I�m like, �Yeah, well, at least he lets me be on the top sometimes!� He starts yelling more stuff, like how he gave up his sister for me (dude, too much information) and how I don�t appreciate him, and how he gave me everything and it was never good enough for me. So I told him that maybe we should spend a little time apart, and then he got all misty and said, �Fine, if that�s what you want,� and walked away.
Nick and Latex hugged me and told me I did the right thing, but I don�t know. Man. It�s good to be able to hang out with the guys again, though. And there are so many new people in the camp that I haven�t even met yet. I can�t wait to dive in.
After about twenty minutes I finally got him to admit that he had broken up with Max. I recently dumped Max too, so I was able to "comfort" him.
After a while, and a lot of Jello, Kyle invites me back to his tent. I'm thinking that sounds like a good time. I mean, after Max, anything sounds good! So, as we're walking back to the tent, Nick is tagging along and I'm trying to drop hints that he isn't wanted, but every time I say something, Kyle seemed to encourage him to come along. Whatever.
I'm usually not into the whole "group therapy sessions," but heck, I'll go along this time. I mean I like the idea of two guys paying attention to me. At least that's how I thought it would be.
Have you ever been in a situation where you just knew you were the third wheel? This was it. Five minutes into it, I hadn't even gotten my bra off yet, and they shove me off to the side and just forgot I was even there. I practically lost an eye trying to get back into the mix. So I left...and they didn't even notice.
Next day, Kyle comes up to me and asks, "So, what did you do last night?" I. Wasn't. Even. There.
Bah!!
Mr MF: No, he hasn't been around since yesterday.
Yesterday?! Did he tell you he dumped me like a bad habit?
Mr MF: He said you two had a ... falling out.
Falling out! Is that what he called it? Yeah, it was a falling out ... for me. Like falling out the fucking window of a fucking skyscraper! That goddamned six-foot hormone! All of a sudden I'm not enough for him! Did I get in the way when he was wrestling Kyle all the time? NO! Did I stop him from inviting Courtney to hang with us? NO! I even invited Courtney and Betty to wrestle in the Jell-O pool! I've been so giving to him for the last two years, and all of a sudden he's giving Liz the eye! I'm gonna smack that mullet right off his head!
Yeah, dat was him. It all started yesterday, yo. We was all gettin ready to play volleyball, But somehow, I wasn't payin attention, Little Nicky stars beatin da shit out Max. It was wicked whacked. Then Max and Kyle was yellin and Max took off. No big deal- he sucks ass at volleyball anyway. After da game, I didn't have nothin ta do. Lonnie was off comfortin Isabel- that girl ain't stopped crying since we got here. So I took some pillows and a blanket and my Greatest Love Songs of 1995 tape and went out for a walk. After a while, I seen Max, sitting by a big rock lookin all sad. So I says "Yo, Max, what's da matter? Tell Ava, yo' problems." Poor guy thinks no body likes him and that he's a freak, which he kinda is. But I couldn't tell him dat, he was crying and shit. So I tell him dat its gonna be okay, that I don't think he's a freak. He looks at me all funny look, givin me a scary-ass smile through his tears. Anyway's he's all "hold me Ava, make me forget Kyle, take the pain away." So to make a long story short -we get busy with the freak down. Damn, for a skinny boy he sure does got some moves. Yo. I can totally see why Kyle keeps goin back for more.
But dis mornin he gets all wierd on me- bein all serious. Sayin shit like "Ava, thank you for...spending the night with me." I'm all okay, dude, whatever, see ya around. I mean, a girls got things ta do. I gots to find Lonnie for her daily tongue bath, and we got a gig tonight, but Max grabs my hand and won't let go. I can't get away from him, and he keeps mutterin to himself. I didn hear it all but it sounded like "he wants space. I'll give him space. Wait till he sees me with Ava." Yo monkey dude, ya gotta help me.
from offscreen Max reaches in and grabs Ava's hand pulling her away. We hear him: "there's Kyle, come on"
MF: Yeah.
Good. Anyway, did you hear about Maria and Michael? And Max and Kyle?
MF: Sure did.
Me and Courtney have been trying to get Maria to stop crying for hours. I don't think there's enough jello in this camp to help make her feel better. Courtney and I are thinking about seeing how Maria feels about getting a tongue bath and inviting Brody, Sean, Kyle, and maybe Jim over. We'd ask Alex but, well, it would just too freaky with him being a ghost and his whole, "Maria's one of my best friends. Of course you're hot, Betty, but you just look too much like her and I could never blah blah blah." Maybe invite Isabel, Tess, and Lonnie over too. See if we can get Pierce to stop trying to dissect Alex's volleyball.
And well, Liz is now looking for Maria's virginity, too. Well, if Michael gets his paws on her, she'll find out where Maria's went. And she's still looking for hers. Geez, how dumb do you have to be not to know who took your virginity.
I still remember that night back in 1943, right before my fiance left to fight in the war. He never came back.
MF: He died in battle?
No, he ran off to Georgia with some skank army nurse when the war ended. Last I heard, they had three kids, she was a dancer and he was a gas station attendant.
Well, I gotta go do some cardiac exercises with Sean before our little slumber party tonight. Feel free to stop by, Monkey.
MF: Oh, I will.
Cameraman: Rath, we're on in a few minutes . . . .
I hear ya' Monkey Man. Shit! Who the hell does a guy have to blow to get a coffee around here!
Max's loin cloth falls to the ground as he girlishly giggles at Rath.
Max! Ya' damn door knob! Everybody had a turn on dat' entrance! Sheesh, I've got a bit more class dan dat.
Max whimpers as a single tear rolls down his cheek.
Cameraman: Okay, we're on air.
Shut up Monkey! Audience, for da' past few weeks I've made it my duty to search out da' iz-land for the perpetrator in da' crime involving Ms. Liz Parker and the theft of her virginity. I have gathered you all here tonight to alert you that I have indeed discovered the culprit in its theft.
The cast of Roswell/Survivor lets loose a simultaneous gasp.
Cameraman: You have? Well Spike, er . . . Rath, who is it and why did you tie the cast up?
So dey' wouldn't leave. Shit, I been workin' my ass off on dis' case and dey're all gonna' listen.
Cameraman: And what a cute ass it is Rath . . .
You flatter' me Fantastico, but you're still not getting my Bud Light.
Courtney, in a thong, walks across the frame, licking her lips, while holding a bottle of Bud Light.
Courtney, you're so silly. Everyone loves Bud Light!
Suddenly the entire cast is untied and drinking Bud Lights while bouncing a beach ball over their heads.
Anyways . . . Let me break dis down for yas. Durin' my investigation I uncovered several suspects that I put at da top of my list. My dupe's grand-chick Laurie will now present them.
Laurie-In-A-Box briefly looks up from humping her grandfather's sweater and smiles.
Shit, Laurie I told ya's to put that damn sweater down 'n do some shit for once . . . never mind!
Courtney, in a thong, walks across the frame, licking her lips, while holding a box of Trojan Condoms.
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive! Kids, remember to always protect your-selves or you could end up like Laurie.
Suddenly the entire cast of Roswell/Survivor start to wave around Trojan Condoms. Betty continually presses a single key on a piano, �Eyes Wide Shut� style. The cast begins to have a massive orgy.
Cameraman: Don't you just love product placement? So what have you discovered.
I can tell you who it wasn't. It wasn't. You see the other day, I was walkin' around doin' my investigatin' and I smelled somethin' most foul.
Laurie-In-A-Box crosses her legs.
No, new smell.
Michael attempts to sniff his own ass.
No, not that either.
Courtney, in a thong, walks across the frame, licking her lips, while holding a box of tampons.
They're not just for using as parachutes for your G.I. Joes anymore! With a new "Summer Rain" smell release.
Suddenly the entire cast is tossing around a tampons, blowing in them, pulling their strings and sticking them up their noses.
It was the smell of fear! You see, whoevah's it was afraid that I would bust dey ass!
Rath points at Sean and Kyle.
Cameraman: Tee-hee! There�s a double meaning in that! So you're sayin' it wasn't Sean or Kyle?
Right. It wasn't Sean! Why, I just happen to know from my investigations that he recently sustained major damage to his left and right testicles due to chemicals he was exposed from Isabel and Max�s makeup during their weekly, �Dress Up� sessions. Following this, his testicles were replaced with a real pair of �brass balls� - that clang, which of course can not come into contact with the �Bot�s o-so-very-private privates lest he suffer electric feedback.
Cameraman: Woah, and I thought I got screwed.
The Cameraman turns around quickly to see Lonnie and Ava, hands extended, towards his ass.
And my Kyle does not possess da ability to due harm to others. Why, look at his baby soft skin and hands. Besides, he's boffin' dat Lance guy from N'Sync so why the hell would he go messin' with Liz?
Max opens his mouth in shock. Maria begins to play the violin in the background.
Max: Kyle! You liar! I always knew it! Whore! Whore! Whore! Whore! (Max slaps Kyle and is bathed in soft light.) I guess that Maxwell Evans just wasn't meant to have nice things . . . (Isabel rushes to comfort her brother as she kisses him on his head, then his cheek, then his mouth.)
A man wearing a headset rushes on screen, whispers in Rath's ear and then exits.
Uh, what I meant to say is that this perfect model of heterosexuality would never deflower a woman such as Liz Parker. Why, most of us have seen Mr. Valenti bed ten or twelve women a night.
Cameraman: Is there some sort of point to this besides making me gag?
Yeah, I kinda' thought der' was but I'm still tryin' ta' figure da' shit out. Oh! Yeah! Where was I? Maxwell Evans! It could not have been you who deflowered Ms. Parker because . . . (Rath begins to laugh) that would just be funny!
The entire cast of Roswell/Survivor begins to laugh.
Cameraman: Rath, who the hell was it?
Courtney, in a thong, walks across the frame, licking her lips, while holding a pitch fork.
Hell, remember . . . it's not just for hookers and sinners anymore.
Suddenly the entire cast of Roswell/Survivor start to wave around pitch forks.
Cameraman: So true, so very true.
Well, I have the name of the culprit written down on this piece of paper. Rath holds up a piece of paper.
Cameraman: Well?
Suddenly a helicopter flies in from off screen, "telepathically" piloted by Liz Parker who gestures emphatically at the dials. It drops down into the group of Roswell/Survivor players. A ladder falls from the helicopter as Rath climbs on board. Suddenly the copter flies high into the sky and away from the island.
A few minutes later . . . .
The helicopter drops back down into the group of Roswell/Survivor players. Liz and Rath climb out of the copter. Liz sends the copter away by "gesturing emphatically" and "telepathically" communicating with the machine. The entire cast of Roswell Survivor suddenly find themselves cleaned and groomed.
Alright then . . . Ms. Parker . . . Rath hands Liz the paper. You have the floor. Rath walks towards group and sits on Max's lap.
Rath: Liz, please get on with it. Innit.
Get on with what? Oh yeah, the reading. Okay, I am about to read the piece of paper with the name of the person who stole my precious--
Rath: Oh for the love of God woman, read that damn thing out! Innit!
Right, yeah. Sorry. The person who stole my virginity is...
Liz reads the note, and let's out a horrified gasp
I can't believe it. I can't believe it!
MF: She can't believe it.
I can't believe it! Betty! I mean Betty!!! I don't even know how that would work!
Mr Monkey Fantastico whispers something in Liz's ear
Eww! You're sick! That's sick!
Liz smells her finger, while Betty looks like she's in shock
Rath: So there you go. As some guy probably said, when you eliminate the the possible, whatever remains, no matter how inprobable, must be right. Innit.
MF: Um, Laurie, we know who took Liz's virginity. She just told us.
Really? Damn! I was supposed to get to do the honors, keep everyone in suspense, and then eat the piece of paper at the last minute so nobody would know and they would all have to do my bidding if they wanted to find out...you know, dress up like my grandpa and do naughty things with me. Damn you, Liz! Daaaaammmm yoooouuuu!
Whatever. You wanna know how we found out? You wanna know? See, Rath is making it all about him finding out who took the virginity, but it was really me who did it. Rath and Liz kept going off together into the woods, and they left me with nothing by my sweater, which is fine company for a few days, but after a while you're just so accustomed to the smell that you really can't tell the difference.
But anyway, I was looking in Courtney's tent to find the skin lotion that she stole back from me while I was in Liz's clutches, and apparently she and Betty had been in there doin' a little bling-bling themselves, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. So I reached into Betty's sleeping bag, and there was a video camera in there!
Flashback to Laurie pulling the videocamera out of the sleeping bag. A TV/VCR combo, delivered by Contrivance himself, is suddenly in the tent as if it has been there all along. Laurie pops in the tape and watches in fascination, as faint moans, as well as Liz repeatedly saying, "Don't put that there!" can be heard emanating from the speakers.
So you see? It was really me all along. Where's my parade?
crickets chirp; a tumbleweed rolls by
MF: I think our time is up.
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On to next part - Round Ten and Eleven