Oh yeah. We had just signed with the Wrights as our managers. Okay, so we had managers. We still had Lou and we were still looking for a record deal. We worked our asses off to try and convince someone to sign us. I was supposed to be in school for X number of hours in a day and I hardly ever was. Denise made damn sure AJ was, but my mom didn't care. I was going to be famous, who needed a diploma? So I played around while AJ was in school, basically did whatever I wanted to do. Video games, swimming, basketball, whatever. No one was watching me. I did get my GED later down the road, in a hotel room somewhere, but it would never have gotten me anywhere if I hadn't been singing. I barely passed.

The group made lots of trips to New York for promotional things. I can't remember them all now. It was the first time I had flown anywhere. I got sick almost as soon as the plane took off. I ran to the bathroom to throw up and, as I ran, I saw Lou get up to follow me. I huddled on the cool bathroom floor after I puked, waiting for the door to open. I started shaking when I heard the door creak and just about fainted in relief when Kevin walked in. He cleaned me up and helped me to my feet. He took responsibility of me on planes from there on in. I don't know why he did it for sure, but I could never thank him enough for that. I don't know if he realizes how terrified I was of flying, how scared I was of being violated yet again, only this time high above the clouds in a tiny soundproof washroom.

One of the times we were in New York we made a professional video for the Wrights to ship around to various record companies for us. We sang 3 songs, danced and Lou had a small audience of girls shipped in from a local school to scream at us. Kevin and Howie sang most of the leads, AJ did a lot of bridges and raps and Brian and I sang the chorus and harmony stuff with the other guys. Yeah, it was cheesy, but it did the job. Before we knew it, we had an offer from Mercury Records. The Wrights had been doing their job well, I couldn't deny that. Their top A&R man saw us and loved us. We flew to perform for all the heads of the company and they loved us too. Contracts were drawn up, promises were made, lawyers were called in to clean up the deals and stars were dancing in our eyes. The five of us were sure that we were on our way. We started to plan our tour, what we would sing and how. We thought we were on our way to the top.

Then it was over. Everything was dropped and we never really got a reason. Lou and the Wrights didn't either. So we went back to touring the schools and the malls and wherever would have us. Several months later we got another offer from Michael Jackson's record company. We flew to LA to perform for the company executives. Lou put us up in a fancy hotel a few days before the meeting. He wanted us nice and relaxed before we had the pressure of performing for a record deal. We did all the stuff tourists do. None of us had been in California before so we really enjoyed ourselves. Mom stayed home with the family this time, so did Denise. Lou came with us, of course, and the Wrights and some other people. I had lots of fun during the day. Brian and I would play basketball in the hotel gym, we would run around tormenting everybody with our practical jokes. Those are the times I like to remember. I was a normal kid.

Lou visited me most nights. To my surprise he didn't rape me each time. Some nights he would just come in and ramble on about how he loved me and how I was his 'special lovely boy'. He still gave me the pills every night though. I was starting to look forward to those. They got me through the nights. Whether I was abused that night or not, I still had some pretty fucked up dreams. Lou came in the night before we were to perform for the company and demanded I suck him. I was still gagging through it at that time, but he seemed to like it well enough. I stood up when he was satisfied and spit his cum in the garbage pail. "My Nicky, you are growing like a bad weed! How tall are you now?" He still lay in the chair breathing heavily. "I dunno, about 5'6", I guess." I hadn't really noticed myself that I had grown, it didn't seem like much. I was still smaller than Brian, and he is pretty short. Lou got a look in his eye and left without saying anything more. I didn't realize at the time, but I think I know now what he was thinking. It would be pretty hard to keep me under his thumb. I wouldn't be his 'special lovely boy' much longer.