Towards the end of the year, we toured Britain. I carried on my usual party ways, getting all the drugs and sex I could take. Of course, I was still tied to Lou. The house and all. I couldn't say anything, I couldn't leave. He knew I was getting my drugs elsewhere, but he also knew he had me by the balls, so to speak. I didn't really much care anymore. Sex with Lou was no different with any other guy or girl now. I mean, I was fucking anything that walked, pretty much. I tried to use my height to my advantage when I was with Lou. I tried to hurt him or humiliate him. I would make him get on his hands and knees, or I would hit him with a belt. But it just turned the bastard on more. I couldn't hurt him.

The tour in Britain did really well and at the end of the year we were suprised to win a MTV Europe Award for Best Group. It was really unexpected and made us feel so good to win over some of the groups we did.

We got to go home at the start of 1997 and started recording our second album. It was so nice to be back home, even if it was only for a little bit. I got to play with Aaron a lot. It was so much fun. Dad laughed and called me a big goof, playing with all the toys. It must have been quite a sight, me a big gawky 16 year old, and my little 8 year old brother, crawling on the floor playing Ninja Turtles. We also swam and went out on the boat a lot. The group had to leave to tour too soon for my liking. But another tour was scheduled for Europe and we had no choice. Aaron cried and cried when the bus came to pick me up and I did too. But just for Aaron. No one else saw me cry.

The tour wasn't anything different from the others at this point, except it was bigger. Bigger crowds, more screaming, more hype, more press. It was amazing that we were so successful. None of us could believe it really.

I got a big surprise about a month into the tour. A really unwelcome one.

We were getting ready backstage, when I thought I heard Aaron singing. I couldn't believe it. What would they be playing a tape of Aaron for? I went to the side of the stage and ran right into my mother. She was beaming in pride, or greed, or something. Lou was beside her. I looked on stage and saw my baby brother running around and singing his heart out. I looked at Mom in shock. "How could you do this to him?" "He wanted to be with you." she said. "You could have brought him here, you didn't have to shove him on stage!" I yelled. "He's good." Lou said. "You keep your hands off him!" I threatened. "Don't worry, Nick. He's too young yet." Yet. The words made my blood run cold. Nice to know Lou had some standards. I didn't get to see Aaron until after because we had to perform. I found out after he had been offered a contract on the spot and Mom had accepted it right away.

Aaron wanted to stay with me that night. Howie graciously let Brian, who I was rooming with, stay with him so that Aaron and I could room together. Aaron climbed into my bed and I hugged him so tight. He talked on and on about how happy he was to be with me, to be singing. "Just promise me something, Air." I asked him. "If Lou touches you, you come and tell me right away. Don't ever be alone with him." "Lou's nice, Nick. He gives me stuff." "Just promise me Aaron, please." He could tell I was serious and nodded. " I promise Nick." I ruffled his hair and smiled. "Don't ever forget." I settled his head on my chest and listened as he continued talking until he fell asleep mid-sentence, cuddled in my arms.

I stayed away from drugs as much as I could while Aaron was with us. I had to take a few snorts, I was an addict, after all. But I tried to be good. I didn't party at all, but still ended up in Lou's room some nights. One night, he had me on my hands and knees and was banging me when he made some comment about how cute Aaron was. I stood up, knocked him flat on the floor and towered over him. "If you ever touch Aaron, if I ever see your filthy hands on him, I will kill you." It wasn't a threat. Lou just laughed. "I mean it you sick fuck, you leave him alone. You ruined my life and you will not ruin his. I will not let you hurt him." Lou stood up and gathered his clothes together, looking a little scared. Who knows though? Turns out he had good reason to be scared, huh?