~~~~~Chapter Ten~~~~
I've been really bad with this lately. I'm sorry. Someone came to collect the tapes yesterday and I
couldn't let them go, because I haven't worked on this in so long. I forget where I left off. I'm sorry.
I had my trial yesterday. It was pretty cut and dried. I was found guilty, of course. Another life sentence. No one saw me get raped, but everyone saw me choke him to death. Of course, rape is never a reason for murder, in the words of my lawyer. I wonder if anyone ever raped him. Held him up against a wall or bent him over a bed and slammed their dick into him. I'm guessing no. It's alright though, I already knew I wasn't getting out of here. Maybe Brian will believe it now. All the guys showed up for support. And BJ, my sister. I couldn't look at them though. I would have cried. And I can't cry in public. I just can't. I had the leg chains and handcuffs again. The prosecutor made me sound like a monster. I'm not. I'm not a bad person. I'm not. Anyway, I found where I left off, so here we go. Jive put us through our paces for most of 1994. We did some opening gigs, still toured the schools and practiced, practiced, practiced. I had gotten really tall, about 5'9" and was big enough, looking back on it, to have stopped Lou. I mean, I wasn't big, like I am now, I was still a stringbean with no muscles, but I was taller than him. I couldn't though. He gave me the coke, and I needed it. Oh man, I was throughly addicted to it and I was only 14. Mom and I still stayed at the Bandhouse during this time. I knew by this time that Lou was screwing Mom and then coming and screwing me. I didn't really care though. Mom seemed happy with the arrangement, so what could I do? Lou would come in and make his demands and I would do it. Then he would give me the stuff. He wanted me to fuck him now. Figured I was old enough. Yeah, I was old enough for all that other stuff, so what the hell? Damn him. He was just waiting for my penis to get big enough to pleasure him. If my dick had been that big at the start, he would have had me fucking him then. He enjoyed that more than anything he ever did to me. But I did do it. I am so ashamed to say that. I could have refused. But I wanted the coke, I needed the coke. I had no other way to get it. I had no money. Pretty pathetic, huh? Anyway, the group was working together great and Jive was really pleased with us. In 1995 they sent us to Sweden to record our first single. It was like a dream come true. Of course, Lou came with us. So that was a bit of a bummer for me. And, unfortunately, my voice was starting to change. I was really pissed off because it messed up what I was allowed to record, depending on the day. Our first single, and my voice wasn't even on it! We recorded some other songs too since everything was working well, but our time was short. Kevin got to sing a lead, Brian and Kevin sang Quit Playing Games while the rest of us were at lunch. It had to stay that way because our time was up. We came home and did the video and some photo shoots for teen magazines. The single got to #69 and stalled big time. No one cared about it at all. We had a faithful fan in one of the DJ's in Orlando and she, bless her heart, tried to pitch us to the public all the time. The song was successful in the clubs, and the dance charts, a remix of it. So we played tons of clubs in Florida to help push it, but still nothing happened. A month or so later, the single was released in Europe. To our huge surprise, it exploded over there. Germany went nuts, Britain did too. Jive sent us over there on the basis that they wanted us so we would give them us. We did all the teen shows, all the music shows and all the magazines. Girls were screaming and fainting. I was being pegged as the cute one. Which I couldn't believe. How could these strangers care about me? I was nothing. Anyway, we finished the year with a gold record for We Got it Goin On and an award from Smash Hits magazine. On the public front at least, things were starting to be fantastic.
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