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Before I got back into the working grind that the following week was sure to bring, Dad and I got together to paint Dani's room. I had gone shopping the day before and picked out a soft, mossy green colour for the walls, a very soothing, relaxing colour. Then I selected some "Beatrix Potter" framed prints and a matching border. Bec and Mom both had suggested getting something 'not too girly' and something that could grow with her, not needing to be changed for a few years. Everything looked great together, I had to admit and I couldn't wait to get it finished. I decided to skip a lot of the sensory stuff that people were recommending I put up on Dani's wall. You know, posters or pictures with bright colours and shapes, we already had stuff like that in her toys and the mobile over her crib. I wanted the room to be a refuge for her, some place to feel comfortable in. I had a few family pictures enlarged and framed to put up, so that she could see me and her grandparents and aunts and uncle. Mom was bugging me to get a photo of Dani and I done, but I was waiting until Christmas for that. We already had the furniture, so the actual painting was the last step. Mom and Aaron helped by taking Dani out for some essentials and Dad and I got down to work.

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"This looks great, Dad! Absolutely great!"

I slung my arm around Dad's shoulder as we admired out handiwork. The colour looked even better than I thought, and the border matched perfectly. The bunny prints were adorable and would grow with her, at least until she was five or so and then getting into the latest TV trend. Then we'd have to change it to Barbie or some sissy thing. Maybe I could convince her to go with fish, dolphins or something ocean related. We moved the furniture back, arranging it a little bit better this time, since Aaron and I pretty much left stuff where we built it. Dad and I nodded in satisfaction to each other and went out to the patio to relax with a couple of beers while we waited for Mom, Aaron and Dani to return from their shopping.

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"Nick! Bob! It looks wonderful!"

"You like it, Mom?"

"Honey, it's fantastic, you should be an interior designer!"

I laughed outloud. "I already have a pretty good job, but I'll keep that in mind!"

I took Dani from Mom and showed her around. "What do you think, baby girl? Do you like your new room?" Dani's eyes were darting around trying to take everything in. Now and then she would give me an excited squeal and kick her legs against my side. "I think she likes it." I beamed.

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It was a great feeling of accomplishment to put Dani down in her crib, in her newly decorated room. Something I had created almost from scratch, with my bare hands. Definitely would not have been the same if I had some decorator come in and do it for me. We sat in her rocker and I pointed out all the things on the wall to her. After I finished with the family photos, I started on the bunnies and then realized I'd have to learn the names of the Potter characters, so that I could recite them to Dani. I only knew Peter Cottontail. Guess it was time to visit a bookstore. Dani downed her bottle slowly and then drifted off to sleep as we rocked. I carefully got up to lay her in her crib. Dad and I had angled it so that I could still see her from the door, but she couldn't see me, and so that any light wouldn't bother her and wake her up. I laid her down and gave her a kiss. Then I just rested my arms on the side of the crib and stared at her. I loved her so much. I couldn't even describe the feeling. Just watching her sleep filled my heart with love.

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Once I was downstairs and Dani was safely sound asleep, I tried calling Bec again. Before I could dial her number the phone rang in my hand.

"Hello?"

"Nick?"

It was Heidi, the last person I expected to hear from tonight. She was due tomorrow for her first day on the job with Dani and everything was set, ready to go.

"Heidi? What's up?"

"Nick, I hate to do this, but I don't think I can look after Dani for you."

"What? What happened? I thought things were fine?"

"I just...I've been thinking. Dani is the same age as my daughter would have been, you and I..."

"The relationship between you and I as nothing to do with it. You are my employee, hired to look after Dani."

"I just think it will be difficult."

I pounded my fist on the table in frustration as Heidi went on about why she didn't think she could work for us. "Heidi,I need you. Dani needs someone to care for her when I can't be there. You two seemed to get along great. Please reconsider."

"Nick, I just don't think I can work with you."

"Heidi. Please. I know we got off on the wrong foot the other day. I'm didn't realize I was still so upset about Dani's mother. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I need someone for Dani. The next few months are going to be so busy and she needs someone with her. You obviously have a way with her. The only people she's cuddled with like that have been me and my family."

There was silence on the end of the phone line and I waited anxiously for her answer. I did need her. I needed the right care for Dani and I was going with my gut feeling that she was the right one for the job. I had no idea what I would do if she refused. After a few more moments, Heidi hesitantly spoke.

"I'm just afraid that it will hurt Dani...if we don't get along, I mean. I don't agree with your lifestyle."

"My lifestyle?" I laughed, almost snorted, loudly. "My lifestyle is getting up with my daughter before the buttcrack of dawn, learning about being a father, learning about my daughter, spending time with my family and trying to record an album. I haven't been out to a party or seen my old friends in months. I have no lifestyle."

Heidi was silent again. Probably trying to digest what I had just told her, but every word of it was true. I hadn't been out since Dani arrived on my doorstep.

"I'm sorry Nick. I would like to look after her."

"Then it's settled, we'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, I guess so."

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I wanted to call Bec now. I needed to talk to her. To apologize, just to hear her. I missed our talking, our time together. I dialed the familiar number and picked at my nails while the ringing droned in my ear. I was just about to hang up, when Bec answered in a weird, out of breath, hiccup-y voice.

"Yes?"

"Bec. I just wanted to check in. We haven't talked."

"Nick. I can't."

I shook my head. What was it with the females around me not wanting to talk to me today? Thank goodness Dani didn't feel that way.

"Bec, we need to talk. I should apologize for the things I said."

"Nick, you didn't say anything." Bec brushed me off, but I persisted.

"I did something. You haven't talked to me since the day you brought the papers over."

"Nick, I don't want..."

"Okay, forget that. Heidi called today."

"What's wrong with that?" I heard a spark of interest in her voice now.

"She wanted to quit. I told her that she had the job and she called to say she didn't think she could do it."

"Why?"

"I went off on her. She asked about Dani's mother and I freaked."

"Oh Nick." That disapproving tone, great.

"I couldn't help it, she started picking at me about the magazines, and how I am raising Dani, then she asked if Dani's mother would be involved. I lost it."

"So she thinks you're a self-centered, groupie fucking. party-loving idiot that can't raise his daughter, right?"

"Probably." I pondered, that's probably just what she thought. Probably what half the world thought of me now. "She's not too fond of me anyway."

"What about Dani?" Bec sniffed. Was she crying?

"That's the thing. I left to cool down and get Dani a bottle. When I came back they were all snuggled up, Heidi was whispering to her and Dani was so content. She was doing that sighing, cooing thing she does, you know? She just loved her."

"So that sold you?"

"Yes. I need someone that she'll be comfortable with. I don't give a damn what she thinks of me."

"I still don't like her. She seems very insecure. Especially if she is changing her mind at the last minute."

"I just have a feeling Bec."

"Then go with it Nick, I can't tell you anymore."

"Bec? Why haven't you talked to me?"

I could almost feel the whoosh of air that she expelled as I asked the question. Even though we were on the phone the tension could be cut with a knife.

"Bec?"

"Nick. I've been thinking. We should go back to having just a professional relationship. What we had...it's too hard. It was wrong."

"What brought this on? I thought we were having fun."

"I'm sorry Nick."

I was getting frustrated and angry, tired of people jerking me around because they couldn't deal with something and just flat out tell me what was wrong. So I did the worst possible thing.

"What the hell did I do, Bec? Can you at least tell me what the fuck I did, so I know why in hell you won't talk to me?"

Bec gasped in shock and I bit my tongue. I regretted saying it as soon as I uttered it.

"You want to know why I haven't talked to you?"

"Bec, I'm sorry."

"You want to know what the fuck you did?"

"Bec, really, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"I was one of those girls, Nick. One of the ones in the tabloids. I was one of your girls."