A Father’s Love

~~~~~Chapter 28~~~~


Dani did NOT want to get up, she screamed and howled to the point that I was ready to just put her baby ass back in the crib and let her cry. I did not want to deal with a screaming child today. I had enough shit to deal with already. I set her back down in her crib for a moment, grabbed my head in my hands and paced the room while counting to twenty. Dani kept screaming and I was sorely tempted to just leave her there and tell Heidi she wouldn't wake up. But then I figured Heidi would have to see her on good days and bad days. A bad day was as good as any to start with. Besides, she had to have heard her by now. Dani was being loud enough to wake the dead three counties over.

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"Here she is, this is Miss Dani Carter."

I carried Dani out to the patio for her first meeting with her new nanny. Dani did her typical curling into me and making shy routine, still crying, but at least getting lower in volume.

"I'll hold her until she settles, she didn't want to get up." I laughed self-consciously, as Dani tried to meld her little body to my side. "She's not real good with strange people yet."

I looked up when Heidi hadn't said anything. Her face was hard to read. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, probably thinking about her own daughter again. But her eyes...something in that look concerned me, but I couldn't place it. I shrugged the thought off and carried on.

"She's not always this noisy. She's usually pretty calm and quiet, but I don't think she likes being sick very much."

Heidi still hadn't said anything. she was just staring at Dani with that look. A look that still bothered me.

"Heidi?" Stop staring at my daughter, you're freaking me out.

She shook her head and smiled at me. "I'm sorry, she's so beautiful."

I ducked my head down and planted a kiss on Dani's wispy blond hair. "She's the most beautiful, I love her so much."

"She's turned out lovely."

I whipped my head up at that remark. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well," Heidi stammered. "When you look at how she was conceived."

"What the hell do you know about how she was conceived?" Heidi was starting to piss me off - big time.

"Those stories..." Heidi began.

"Those stories," I interrupted fiercely, "Those stories in those fucking tabloids have nothing to do with how I'm raising my daughter, how she was conceived or how she's turning out!"

"You said yourself, on national television, that you had no idea until she showed up on your door step, that you even had her!"

"No I didn't. Because her bitch of a mother didn't bother to let me know I was going to be a father! She kept it all to herself and then, when she couldn't handle it, she dumped her on me and let me find out that way!"

Heidi's mouth hung open for a moment and then slowly shut. She turned away from me, staring out to the ocean. "Maybe this won't work out."

I hugged Dani tightly, trying to stop more tears from flowing. I hadn't realized I was that upset about it - still. "Look, I'm sorry." God, I've apologized more today than I have in my whole life. "It's been difficult, very difficult. Dani is a wonderful girl and I love her to pieces. I love her with all my soul. But it's been hard. And I can't forgive her mother for what she did to me and her daughter."

"What about what you did to her?"

"I'm sorry that I was a drunk asshole. But that doesn't excuse her leaving me out of my daughter's life, even for a short time."

"But, what about..."

"Heidi, people have tried to convince me but my mind is made up. I don't like her mother, I never will and if I ever get the opportunity to meet her I just might smack the shit out of her."

"You've never even met her. That's unfair." Heidi countered back.

"Can we drop this? Please?" My mind boggled with how phenomenally, horribly bad my day was turning out. The phrase from bad to worse didn't even begin to describe it. "Look, let me grab Dani's bottle and you two can hang out for a bit, how does that sound?"

"I can hold her?" Heidi's eyes were sparkling.

"I guess if you get the job, you're going to have to some time." I grudgingly admitted. At this point I was hoping Dani would hate her so I would have a reason to not hire her. I did not need someone around every day that was going to berate me for my past behaviour and criticize me for how I lived my life.

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Once I got the the kitchen, I just paced around the room. I couldn't hear Dani hollering so, I took some time to compose myself and get my thoughts back in order. I had to bring the conversation back to Heidi and her looking after my daughter. Not me and my ex-rowdy behaviour.

"Get it together, Carter. Don't let her take control. You're the boss." I banged my fist on the counter and caught my reflection in the microwave door. From the look on my face, I didn't even believe myself. I was pathetic. I paced a bit more and ran some cold water over my face before preparing Dani's bottle. Still no screaming, I got to thinking that must be some sort of record for her. However, I didn't want to leave her any longer than necessary.

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Back out on the patio, I discovered I needn't have worried. Dani was snuggled right up to Heidi, her little head nestled into her shoulder and sighing contentedly. Heidi's face was turned to her and it looked to me like she was whispering in Dani's ear. They looked so close. I felt that twinge that I felt before when Mrs. Hudson had been bathing Dani, but this one was ten times worse. I didn't like that Dani was instantly comfortable with this woman. I didn't like that Heidi made me *un*comfortable. I didn't like much about the situation at all.

But it wasn't about me. Dani needed a sitter and she seemed fine with Heidi. Heidi seemed fine with her. I wouldn't have to worry about Heidi peeking in my bedroom, I don't think she wanted to see any more of me than she had to. It was all about Dani. She needed the best care I could provide for her. Someone that would love her and Heidi seemed capable of that. A giggle from Dani made me turn their way again. Heidi was tickling Dani's belly gently and causing soft giggles from her. The sight made me smile in spite of myself. I pushed the bad thoughts down and moved forward with Dani's bottle, ready to offer Heidi the job.

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"Thank you Nick, for giving me a chance. Dani is such a lovely baby."

"Thank you. I think this will all work out fine. Bec will have an itinerary made up for you. I've got quite a lot of things coming up soon, unfortunately."

"That's alright. I'll pack this weekend and be here Sunday night."

"Fine, see you then. Call if you have any concerns."

"Absolutely. Good night, Nick. Good night Dani girl." Heidi took Dani's hands and kissed them playfully.

"No, you call her Dani or Daniella. Only I call her Dani girl." My voice was low and threatening. Where had that come from?

"Sorry Nick." Heidi's cheeks reddened. "Good night."

I watched her run quickly down the stairs and out to her car, before going back into the house. I took Dani to our favourite spot and settled in with a groan.

"Dani girl. I don't understand this. You like Heidi?"

Dani babbled and tried to grab her toes. She was no help.

"You did, I can tell. It looks like she likes you too. Well, we're going to try. Daddy is going to let Heidi come and look after you. But only when Daddy can't look after you. I want to be with you as much as possible. Heidi might not like that, but we'll try to get along, for your sake."


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