The Horny Haircut
As an attractive young hairdresser was about to lock up for the evening a sweaty little man knocked and asked her if he could please get a quick trim. She reluctantly obliged and quickly began to trim his hair. As she was finishing up she noticed that under the covering she'd put on him to catch the hair, his hands were moving up and down in his lap. Outraged, she grabbed a large curling iron from the shelf and knocked him unconscious. She called the police and when they arrived they asked what the man had done that had caused her to attack him, she told them, "Just look under the sheet!" The officer pulled the sheet away and said: "Lady, there's no law against a man polishing his eyeglasses!" From WarpedHead.com
The Jogger's Wallet
A man was jogging along one day when another jogger bumped him lightly and excused himself. Already annoyed, the man noticed that his wallet was missing and took off after the jogging pickpocket. He quickly caught up to and tackled him, yelling "Give me that wallet!" The frightened pickpocket gave it up and ran off. When the man returned home his wife asked him if he'd stopped at the store, anxious to tell his tale he said "No, but I have a good excuse!" His wife replied: "I know, you left your wallet on the dresser." From WarpedHead.com
The Misunderstood Note
A witness at a trial was too embarrassed to repeat the obscenity the defendant had suggested to her, so the judge suggested she write it down, and let the jury read it. The woman did as she was asked, and the note was handed to the jury. The judge told them to each read it carefully and pass it along. The last man in the jury box had fallen asleep, and the young lady next to him woke him and handed it to him. He stared at it in surprise for a couple minutes, then began to fold it up. The judge asked him to please hand the note to the bailiff and the juror replied, "Your honor, this note is a private matter between the lady and myself." From WarpedHead.com
The Costume Party
A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one halloween, but when the time came to go the woman told him to go on without her, she had a terrible headache. The man reluctantly did, and the suspicious wife decided to see just how faithful her man really was. She put on a different costume and went to the party. When she got there she saw her husband dancing with a young girl in a sexy costume, even more suspicious, she decided to really put him to the test. She danced with him and whispered they should sneak into a bedroom. She insisted they leave the masks on and had sex with him, then fuming, she ran home to wait for his return. When he got there she innocently asked if he'd had fun. He told her he hadn't, after a few minutes he and some guys had went across the street to play poker, he added "The guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell of a time, though!" From WarpedHead.com
The Dishonest Note
A man returned from shopping to find his car had been badly dented, and the culprit was no where in sight. As he got closer he felt relieved when he saw a note had been placed under his windshield-wiper. Laughing at himself for doubting the honesty of the average person, he pulled the note loose and read it, it said :"THE PEOPLE WATCHING ME THINK I'M LEAVING MY NAME AND ADDRESS, BUT I'M NOT." From WarpedHead.com
The Jesus Lesson
Students at a religious institute enrolled in a class on the life of Jesus arrive at their classroom to take the final exam and find a notice informing them that the test will be given in another building on the other side of the campus. As the students rush across campus to the new room, each is accosted by a homeless man asking for help. None of the students stop, anxious to arrive on time for the exam. The instructor is waiting for the students when they finally reach the classroom. He explains to them that the beggar was an actor, planted by him to test their reactions. Because the students demonstrated that they hadn't learned anything by studying the life of Jesus, they all failed the exam. From WarpedHead.com
The Blind Man
An attractive young woman was taking a shower one day and the doorbell started ringing. She jumped out to get it, but couldn't find a towel to wrap herself in. As she headed for the bedroom to grab something, she yelled "Who's there?" The voice called out, "It's the blind man." The woman guessed he wanted to sell some pencils or something and stopped, realizing she didn't have to get any of her clothes wet, he couldn't see her anyway. When she opened the door a wide-eyed man in gray coveralls asked her "Uh, where do you want me to hang your blinds?" From WarpedHead.com
Open Book
A professor announces that the upcoming final examination is open-book and students may use "anything they can carry into the classroom." The day of the exam the professor is surprised to see one of his students carrying a grad student in on his back. From WarpedHead.com
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