A letter to someone lost in pain
The following is an exact copy (excluding the profanity) of a correspondence with a very angry young man I encountered on one of the Christian news groups I participate in. After I completed my response, I realized it is the closest thing to a testimonial I have on record, so I decided to share it with you here.I believe he could benefit from our prayers and support. If any of you decide to contact him, please be gentle and supportive. I feel that God has a plan for him, and with time he will discover the right path.
I'm writing you personally, instead of posting my response on the news group, because my purpose is not to publicly refute or attempt to shame you, but to try and answer you in a sane, and personal manner. The statement I am responding to, went as follows;
In article <[email protected]>,
"norrieh" <[email protected]> wrote:
> God works all things for good!!
You b*****d.
> And we know that in all things God works for the good of
> those who love him, who have been called according to his
> purpose.
> Every situation we find ourselves in in our lives God can
> use for our good if we allow Him ,He does not cause the
> situations but He wants to use them to draw us closer to
> Himself and transform us into the likeness of Jesus.
<with massive snipping>
Okay, everyone stand back while I rip this b***h a new a*****e.
So let me get this straight. All things are really for
the good, right? All the bad things that happen to us in
life, those are all really for our own good, is that what
you're saying?
What good came out of my best friend being gang-raped for
a number of years? Answer that, you sick little f***. Tell
me, does that make God happy? Does that somehow bring her
closer to God in some sick way? Or did she really deserve it?
Or how about this... how about all those people who died
in the Holocaust? I suppose Hitler was really a good person
who did all of the starving and burning and killing for
their own good? Gee, I dunno, but I could swear that DYING
doesn't really help you to get any closer to God. I mean,
h**l, I could be wrong.
But h**l, let's continue. Do you mean that God takes all
the bad situations that happen to his followers and makes
_them_ all turn out right? So in other words, Jesus only
loves Christians, hates everyone else, and isn't really a
loving god at all, right? Geez, but I'm pretty sure that
one of the few Xtian friends who I have who was raped when
she was 14 isn't doing too hot. I mean, she's going through
some serious suicidal s**t, and she's beginning to get into
drugs. This was all for her benefit, right? That b***h who
raped her really did her a whole lot of good, right? If
what you claim is really the truth, that in everything God
does good, where is/was he then?
And what the h**l is it about God not causing the situations?
Are you saying that God just kinda sits back and plays catch-up
to Satan, healing all the wounds that Satan causes? That
can't be the truth, because God is all-powerful. Gosh, I don't
understand something here. So God is all-powerful, and loves
us, but wants to have us hurt, abused, raped, killed, tortured,
beaten up, just so he can do some good in our life??? Gosh,
wouldn't it be just better to not have those horrible life-
scarring incidences ever happen in our lives?
See, you stupid waste of genetic material, you don't have the
answers. All you have is a system of turning those little
things (broken leg??? ha! try being abused your whole childhood,
maybe then you'll have a reason to cry. I would've gladly taken
a couple broken arms and legs instead of the abuse!) into
a self-delusional happy land, where when something good happens
its because of Jesus, and Jesus loves me, even though no one
else will.
So you set yourself up to fall down. And you will. But you'll
thank Jesus that you got mugged. You spent too much time at
church to take a self-defense class, and besides, Jesus will
protect me, right??? Then when you pay for your stupidity, well,
Jesus is right there to help me back on my feet. Wow. How
nice of him.
Just admit it. You're too afraid that you might really be
nothing more than what you see in the mirror. You can't face
your faults, you can't face yourself. You don't want to admit
that you rape your daughter. You don't want to admit that you
committed tax fraud. You don't want to admit that you speed
every now and then. You don't want to admit that you cheat on
your wife, go to titty bars, shoot heroin, beat people up,
lie, steal, break other people's hearts, YOU CAN'T HANDLE
THE FACT THAT YOU ARE WORSE THAN THE SLIME IN THE GUTTER.
So now you're a Jesus freak. Clutch your bibble. Tell the
young girl who just got raped that Jesus will make it all
better. Tell the young couple who just lost their first
baby that Jesus will make it all better. Tell the 60-year old
man who just developed a tumor that Jesus will make it all
better.
You'll lie to yourself, because sometimes a lie is better
than real life. At least you have a lie that makes you feel
better, a lie that makes you feel special, a lie that makes
you feel wanted, needed. Now you have something, when before
you had nothing.
You pathetic little wretch. Totter off and try to convince
old women to give you their Social Security check. Walk up
to people who have lost everything, and instead of giving them
something real they can hold onto and rebuild themselves with,
give them a lie.
Because sometimes, even a lie is better than reality.
Sure, Jesus makes it all better. Now you have no worries.
You do the hardest drug of all. You have sold your soul,
part and parcel, for a warm fuzzy feeling you get whenever
you ask Jesus to make it all better. You feed it to your
children, and dull their minds worse than any shot of crack
or heroin, worse than any bong hit or drop of acid.
You can't admit it, but you do. You won't admit it, because
admitting it might lead to having to stop, and you can't
afford that. You are a junkie, a hollow, mumbling, shut-eyed
excuse for a man.
Jesus freak? Try Jesus Junkie.
I'd pity you if you weren't so d**n annoying.
I'd pity you if you weren't so d**n condescening, for all your
strutting and posturing and screaming 'I love Jesus!'
I'd pity you if you didn't perpetuate the lie.
Now bugger the f**k off, find a hole to crawl into, a nice
warm a*****e to shove your pin-head into, and the latest
bibble, because where would a Jesus Junkie be without his
fix?
I felt the need to respond to you because I sensed a lot of pain in your writing. I only ask that you listen to what I have to say, and expect nothing else.
I don't want to try to compare pain, or try to get into an argument about who's pain is greater. Suffice it to say, we all have suffered to one degree or another in our lives.
I too, was as angry as you are. I lashed out at anything relating to God with great relish. I was very good at denying God, and rattling off long diatribes to prove His non-existence. I used my intellect to batter down believers and cast doubt on their faith. It was pretty easy, most people found their faith on rather shaky preconceptions. I went about in anger and ineffectual rage all of the time. I too used excessive profanity as an outlet for my fury. I spent years looking for an alternative to God. I explored atheism, agnostic theories, alternative philosophy, and new age metaphysics.
All of these things seemed to be based on the same "blind faith" I so hated. I could find no relief from my rage there.
I am not trying to put you down, only show you that I understand. A couple of years ago, I would have been behind you 100%. But, for reasons to many to go into here (if you are interested, I can share them with you at a later date), I have discovered God as a very real force in my life.
By the simple fact that you have been visiting the Christian news groups, even if it is to bash the contributors, it is clear that you have some interest in relieving your pain. This is why I felt the need to write you.
The first thing an intellectual person needs to understand about God, is free will. We are all born with free will. This is proven by our very ability to think. No intelligent person can deny the presence of free will.
That said, let's look at God's role in free will. Free will is a gift from God. In creating us in His own image, he vested us with free minds. This does not mean he hasn't the power to influence our minds directly, it means he has made a promise not to.
In giving us this gift, he introduced an element of randomness into the universe. This is the price we pay for being individuals. I personally believe that while the price is high, it is much cheaper than the alternative. Living in a random universe means that sometimes horrible things happen. God does not cause these things to happen. Nor does he sit back idle and watch them happen. He has to allow them in accordance with his promise to us.
While he has to allow atrocities, he can still provide an opportunity for growth through these events. This is what your victim was referring to. Their major fault was in trying to explain solely in scripture, instead of real life terms. I would guess their message was intended for fellow Christians, not the lost.
You grow from your pain according to your reaction to it. Rage only spawns more rage. If you take the time to explore the core of your anger, and come to terms with it's true cause, you come away from the experience a stronger person. Believe it or not, God can help you in this. He will not magically make the pain go away, that would mean breaking his promise to you. But He can direct you if you are willing to listen to Him.
I do not expect you to read this and suddenly become "Saved". I know it is different for each person. I only hope this will shed some light on your wonderings. I am confident that you are an intelligent person, and eventually your search will lead you to the inevitable conclusion.
In closing, let me just say that no matter what your feelings or actions, God loves you, and so do I. If I can help you in any way, do not hesitate to ask. You can't offend me, and you can not shake my faith (that is the wonderful thing about a well founded relationship with God).Good luck in your search.
Yours truly in God,
Kevin Pierce