Israeli Paramedics Association
Critical Laugh Paramedic
Special Offer from the Jewish Burial Society Spokesman's Office:
Physicians and Paramedics that will constantly provide
10 deads per week
for the next 6 months - will gain A GOLD capital letter
of their names on their garavestone.
(Relatives are not included)
Penis-cillin: The First Drugs of Choise for Vagina Pectoris.
Policeman arriving the scene , after paramedics administrated
Narcan to a 'junky'.
Policeman: What can you tell me about this one..?
Paramedic: Only that he is a very positive guy!
Policeman: ????????????
Paramedic: I mean that , everything is positive -
HIV - Positive , Hepatitis - Positive......
Cemetery: You die first - and then go to Hell
Hospital : You go through Hell first - and then you die.
Call for 101: "Hurry , he is not breathing , he is dead.."........
and when we get there - the pt himself is opening the door for us......
(but- he is "dead")
"I need an ambulance for my 56 y/o husband....He is not responding and stop from talking".........Paramedics arrived to the scene - "pt" - fully alert.....and yes - he is not responding and stop from talking to his wife - because he had a fight with her........
"Dr. X is speaking. I have a pt. in my clinic that is not feeling so well , need an ambulance..".....Dispatcher: "What happened to the pt ?"........"He just feeling bad , send the ambulance!" said the doc , and hang up the phone.
When we arrived the clinic.......The doc is leading us to another room , pointing the 62 y/o pt. that lays on the floor...... non breathing , no pulse........We start ACLS , and the caring doc asked: " Are you sure that he feels THAT BAD ?. "Don't worry , Doc......he feels nothing.....".
"39 y/o pt is in Cardiac Arrest......at Dr.Y's clinic..." (Dr.Y is the
"cousin" of Dr. X from story No 3 ..:-)
When we gOt there: The huge doc is leaning over the pt. , performing
chest compressions....and the pt. is screaming ....the doc compress
and the pt is screaming..........
Despite the devoted / intensive care - the pt. was saved !!!
"Shot gun wounded in the Army camp" call the dispacher.
MICU's crew arrived the scene: 19 y/o soldier , standing near the 'field toilets' , smiling , with his pants and underwear down and holding his penis between his hands....... and the tip of his penis was burned....(ouch).
The pt was board into the MICU and was asked for the 'mechanism' - :
"I was cleaning my rifle when all of a sudden a bullet was shot......and the bullet went through the collar-opening of my shirt , then through my belt , down to my pants and hit my penis.."
It is unnecessary to mention that he had no scratch anywhere.......
Go figure.....
MD called the EMS and asked to send the MICU to his pt that have Parkinson.
It was not so weird if the pt. was not 5 years old.
When we got there - The 5 y/o pt had Parkinson alright - but - Wolff Parkinson White !
On his way to the Hospital , noticed the EMT- BLS ambulance driver that the young volunteer that was sitting next to the pt. - is taking all the medical equipment out of the ambulance cabins.
When he asked him what's he doing - the volunteer explained that he is trying to find out where the ANTS that the pt. is feeling on her legs and armes - are coming from.....:-)
Dr. 'Suzuki' (Nickname) , nice MD lady that was born in the past century , was trying desperately to help with the comatose pt. Right after the Paramedic intubated the pt - she put her Stethoscope on his chest and ordered the pt: "Take a deep breath , please "..:-)
A known COPD pt was so familiar with his illness - that he tells the paramedic
which dose of drugs to use - what size of ET tube he need - and that is not all - he is also ventilating (bagging) himself on the way to the hospital...:-)
"A man is trying to suicide from hight "
MICU , police and Fire engine got to the scene.
You could notice a man hanged on the 3rd floor balcony , leaning with his upper-half of the body out of the balcony banister .
The policeman called him with the loudspeaker , the firemen put an inflating mattress underneath , many people were gathering around to watch , while a police officer and the doc , went upstairs to try to convince him to skip his plan.....
They were surprised when they discoverd that the 'suicider' was a manikin that were putting there for drying....:-)
The MICU was dispached to a 42 y/o woman with complain of palpitations.
2 seconds before us - arrived the family's doc .
The pt. was with SVT.
But the doc was the first to take 'command' - lean over the pt. chest - and......put a sudden strong blast (Precordial thump) on the pt's chest.
The suprized pt. - took initiative of her own - got up - and run away from the wicked doc.............
National Beurow Statistics Institute Report:
In 1991 , Israeli's Physicians had 10 month's strike.
Due to the strike - the mortality in Israel decreased in 30% !!!!
Now - the Docs are on strike again.
The public in Israel is expecting the mortality decreased with 21%
more then 10 years ago !
The Paramedic called a doc on duty to come to a pt's. house
that died from cancer , to fill a death certificate .
Paramedic: "Hello Doc. The body is in the first room from the right"
After less then 30 seconds , the doc came back, sitting next to the
paramedic and start filling the death certificate.
Doc: "You know , the mucles were quite rigid"
Paramedic: "Yes , The death occurred few hours ago"
The doc signing the death certificate and asked the paramedic to
complite the pt's formal details on the papers.
Doc: "I heard some gases released from the body"
Paramedic: "that can happend after death"
Doc (intend to go) : "By the way, how old is she ? she seems to be
about 100 y/o"
Paramedic: "SHE ?" "Doc , which room did you enter"?
Doc: "the first from the left"
The Paramedic took the doc to the first room from the left:
"See , doc ? that's the deceased's 97 y/o aunt , and she is just sleeping"
"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY ? that she is ALIVE ?
SO WHAT?
said the angry doc and left the house.
Paramedic Neomi Zvi - Jan 2000
Paramedic Erez Shtir