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7.3.07 "The DEA is currently wrapping up its investigation into Terrel & Squib Pharmecuticals' involvement with black heroin. The remains of Dr. Squib was recently recovered from the rubble in L.A. and John Terrel will be in prison for a very long time. With the country's foremost pigment manufacturer gone for good, innocent people everywhere can finally breathe a little easier."
6.28.07 "The DEA has finally uncovered hard evidence of Terrel&Squib's involvement in the pigment trade. All recovered records indicate that the pharmecutical branch actually manufactured pigment right under the nose of T&S in general. Exactly who orchistrated pigment production and which employees were involved will be the DEA's next task."
6.14.07 "...to the disappointment of the general public, when S&T products did not arrive at local retailers today. Undisclosed manufacturing problems have delayed shipments of Squirrel And Tib products, from 'Squirrel Nuts' cereal to the increasingly common temporary tattoos. There's no word, as of yet, indicating when production will continue."
6.7.07 "Reverend Cale O'Rielly is reportedly urging the people of Indianapolis to boycott all products and productions from S&T Studios. His statement to the Associated Press included the following: 'It has become clear that S&T has utter disdain for those who hold traditional moral principles and conservative family values. Its leaders have insulted this country by producing television that contradicts cherished beliefs . . . I can certainly let my constituency know that S&T is no longer friendly to the family and call attention to the immoral material they are now producing.' It is believed that O'Rielly's reaction is in direct response to the introduction of a new villain on the Squirrel And Tib show, Regent Bale O'Malley, ruler of of the Sect of the Nightmare Host."
5.31.07 "After just one week on store shelves, 'Squirrel Nuts' has become the most popular breakfast cereal on the market. Sales for the sports drink 'Cygnet Juice' have been high, but not quite as impressive as the cereal which has outsold both Cheerios and Corn Flakes combined."
5.24.07 "The building that housed the former Red Hart Brewery was finally taken off the market today. The property was surprisingly purchased by an ex-Orpheus Group employee. After our station sent an inquiry regarding future plans for the property, new owner Katherine Dennison responded via email: 'The first thing we'll have to do is clean the place up. The building is an eye-sore, in more ways than you know. My colleagues and I feel that this city needs our help. Orpheus brought us here, but it's our own desire to prevent yet another city from being overrun by drugs and gang violence that will keep us here in the days to come. When our plans for the Red Hart are realized, we request only that Indianapolis supports our efforts for a new beginning.'"
5.15.07 "Led by an anonymous tip, DEA agents raided a small bottling factory preparing to release a new product on Monday. The tip led agents to believe that S&T Studios was putting pigment in their new drink product for the popular cartoon, The Adventures of Squirrel and Tib. Agents were unfortunately led to yet another dead end in the mysterious pigment trail. All consumable Squirrel and Tib products have been thoroughly tested by both the DEA and the FDA and they have been cleared for sale. S&T Studios, owned surprisingly enough by T&S Pharmacueticals, has been cleared of all charges."
5.10.07 "S&T Studios ushers in new merchandise tomorrow for their increasingly popular animated series, The Adventures of Squirrel and Tib. T-shirts and temporary tattoos have become common sights in schools all over the country, but next week will bring the franchise to kitchens everywhere. 'Cygnet Juice', named after the favorite beverage of the show's title characters, is an electric green sports drink and 'Squirrel Nuts' is yet another sugary breakfast cereal that will offer show related toys inside every box."
5.3.07 "...set several records this week for declining property values. Neighborhoods surrounding the Mayfair Greens apartment building, the Red Hart Brewery, and Burgyone Preparatory Academy have seen a dramatic increase in violent crime, suicides, rape, and abuse. Local owners are desperately trying to cut their losses and sell homes, business, and lots in these 'overnight ghettos'. The crime rates surrounding these areas, as well as the unprecedented reports of 'hauntings', have made it nearly impossible for these unfortunate property holders."
Interested in reviewing news stories from the good old days? Click here to check out the Archives page. Sometimes, remembering the past is the key to surviving the future.