Warnings: abuse of HP characters, "hints of slash" which no one has mentioned for some time, hangovers of doom.
Day Sunday Challenge: capture the flag
Morning dawns ominously for Professor Snape. Not only is it Sunday and he's up for eviction - there's also an unconscious Malfoy stretched across his bed.
Snape: ...... Draco.
(no response, no movement at all)
Snape(sighs, sits up): Malfoy. (nothing) Couldn't you have collapsed on Black's bed? (shakes him) You'd better not be drowning in bodily fluids. Surely Lucius will hold me responsible.. (shakes him again; slowly he opens his eyes - groans, sits up with Snape's assistance. He is green - not the hair.)
Draco: ugrhhh...
Snape: You're alive.
Draco: uh.. whatare you doing here, Professor??
Snape: This is my bed.
Draco: (looks around groggily) uh.. why am I here?
Snape: You tell me.
Draco: I don' remember (hand to head)
Snape: Wait. This requires possibly the only useful book I brought with me.. (goes to closet; but soon returns, frowning) And of course that is the one Granger took last night.
(Draco meanwhile falls back down on bed)
Draco: ...sick.
Snape: Yes, where's that bucket I gave you?
Draco: i'on'now...
Snape: Well, if you're going to be sick, stumble over to Black's bed. (adds with a slight smile) You know today is Challenge Day...
Draco: .. (mumbles something that, thankfully for the sake of our rating, is muffled by the pillow)
Snape: You'll just have to sleep it off... (looks at clock) for the next 20 minutes.
Draco: aghhh..
BigBrother waits until 1030 to anounce the day's challenge. Is it pity? Or is it a wicked trick - designed to lull the housemates into false sense of peace?
BigBrother: ATTENTION HOUSEMATES!
Black(still in bed): ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit
BigBrother: That's right, Mr. Black - it's CHALLENGE DAY!
Draco(on the next bed over): uaghhhhhhhh
BigBrother: You are graciously given TWENTY minutes to get downstairs, housemates!!
20 minutes later, Black and Draco show up in the living room, where the others are gathering. They look a bit better for having cleaned up, but they are both scowling. Pettigrew and Harry are also a bit under the weather.
BigBrother: Today's challenge is a team sport!
Lupin: (grins to Tonks)
BigBrother: You will play capture the flag, simple as that. First team: Tom Riddle, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Draco Malfoy. Your territory is the outside grounds including front and back yards, and the porch. Second team: Albus Dumbledore, Sirius Black, Harry Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Hermione Granger. You have the house, no locking doors and windows allowed.
(the housemates grumble)
BigBrother: In case none of you knows, the purpose of Capture the Flag is to capture the enemy's flag, which they should keep in some well-guarded area. Notice the smaller flags on the table, which you are to tie LOOSELY around your arm. When you are in enemy territory and the enemy pulls off said flag, you are captured. You cannot take their flags in their territory. But the captured is not out. You are imprisoned, and may be rescued by a teammate. We have also provided each team with two walkie talkies, in case you need to communicate.
Harry: ugh... Ok.... we can do this.. (clutches head).. maybe after an aspirin
Dumbledore: How about I let you take over the planning, Harry?
Harry: What a day to choose.... Ok, ok... What's the safest place to put the flag?
Hermione: hm.. Women's bathroom?
Black: I don't know.. we infiltrated it pretty easily..
Pettigrew: ... Diary room?
Black(about to say shut up): S... actually..
Harry(shrugs): Yeah, it only has one door, and it's at the end of a hallway.
Hermione: We can store our prisoners in the bathroom.
Black: who's going to catch them all?
Hermione(pause):... Professor Dumbledore?
Dumbledore(mock innocence): What?
Meanwhile outside:
Voldemort: This sounds like a fun game.. oh, hold -- I'm all but IMMOBILE again!
Draco(groans): Why do WE have to be outside?? We all hate the hot weather!.. going to make me sick..
Lupin: It's not that hot.
Draco: (sucks in a sharp breath as if to restrain himself)
Snape: Shut up, Lupin.
Draco: THANK you, Professor!
(Lupin smiles.)
Voldemort: All right, children. We don't have... I suppose our fort will have to be .. this tree. (strides to a young oak that marks the corner of the yard. He throws the flag onto a high branch - out of reach even for him.)
Tonks: What about hiding it in one of the tires? (the back yard still has all the obstacles from Friday.)
Snape: I don't even want to think about the tires.
Voldemort(turns around, folds arms.) This will do... Now who wants to run out and get their flag? I suggest Draco, Miss Tonks, and Mr. Lupin. Surely you three can figure something out. Or maybe Draco can go ask Big Brother for it. They'll probably just give it to him.
Tonks: That wouldn't be much fun. in fact, this game isn't going to be much fun at all, given that I have to throw it..
Voldemort: ohh. I had forgotten. I'll let you out of that little obligation - for now..
Tonks: Ah.. in return for what?
Voldemort: Throw next week's challenge- when you're not on my team!
Tonks: Ok.
Draco: I don't want to go running around -why do I have to go?
Lupin: It will be cooler in the house.
Draco: Ah, that's true.
Snape: Perhaps I will see you to the back door.. (the four of them set off, leaving Voldemort behind to guard the flag. He yells after Snape)
Voldemort: SEVERUS - BRING ME A ROCKING CHAIR!
(At the backporch, Draco, Tonks, and Lupin split off and sneak into the house; Snape lingers a bit behind... then walks over behind the jacuzzi where the pipes and pump are, and... opens a mini fridge and takes out an ice cream sandwich. Soon he has carried it and a rocking chair back to Voldemort.)
Snape(ironically holding out the sandwich): I come bearing gifts.
Voldemort: oh is that where you put it? Heh - what in the world do I want with this?
Snape: Oh just eat the bloody thing.
Voldemort(takes it): Fine..someone should enjoy the fruits of your labor. Too proud to tell the others, eh?
Snape: .. eating doesn't require talking.
Voldemort: One of these days, Severus.....
Meanwhile, Harry, Hermione, and Black are trying to find the enemy flag.
Harry(spying out a second floor window): I bet it's where Voldemort and Snape are. They're probably guarding it.
Black: Voldemort's probably sitting on it.
Hermione: This doesn't look good. Maybe I should stay back on ddefense with Professor Dumbledore.
Harry: And send Wormtail with us?
Black: or worse - Dumbledore? You can pretty much assume that Wormtail will just hand the flag over to the enemy whenever they get close.
Hermione: Well.. Ok, I guess I'll come.
Harry: You're not scared, Hermione. We need you - you're the only one who can run..
Black: Yeah... but there's three of us, and just two of them. This can't be that bad.. They're both old and infirm anyway
Harry: er.. isn't professor Snape your age?
Black(rubs forehead): Quiet, Harry.. I have YOU around to keep me young.
Hermione: I don't think you need Harry for that. Besides, Professor Snape didn't seem so infirm on that obstacle course the other day.
Black: Beginner's luck, beginner's luck - now then.. let's figure out our approach- before I pass out...
Meanwhile:
Peter Pettigrew is making the rounds, but he has to stop every few minutes and lie down to keep the nausea at bay. He is just now entering the hall near the living room when spots Draco ahead of him, also slow moving.. PREY! He sneaks closer -
Draco sits - collapses in the arm chair next to the sofa - Pettigrew pounces, trying to snatch away Draco's flag.
Draco: AGHH!!!
Pettigrew: ha- hold still!
Draco(tries to push him off): wait! stop - WORMTAIL!!
Pettigrew(pause): YES?
Draco: You - YOU OWE ME!
Pettigrew(sits back on floor, frowns, clutches head): ohhh? is that so?
Draco: yes... I saved you from certain death on the bathroom floor on Monday.
Pettigrew: Ahhh yes.. I had forgotten.
Draco(miserably): Besides, I feel sick.
Pettigrew: Me too.
Draco: I'd lie on the sofa, but I dont think I can make it over there...
Pettigrew(stretches out on floor): i dont want to move...
(they both lie there, eyes shut, groaning)
Back at the fort, Voldemort and Snape are having a discussion; Snape has brought a second armchair for himself, and Voldemort is eating another ice cream sandwich.
Voldemort: These aren't that bad, you know..
Snape: We are up for nomination.
Voldemort: Funny how you never seemed to mind when Lucius was.
Snape: (pause)..... I am up for nomination.
Voldemort: That's what I thought. (sighs) They would have all of us free-thinkers voted off. A damned bunch of children running around. So.....what do you propose to do about it?
Snape: ... request veto power.
Voldemort: Ahhh, of course! I knew I put up with your attitude for some reason -- But we won't ask...
Snape: I didn't say I was going to request it.. That's what Draco is for.
Voldemort: We think too much alike...
Snape(looks across yard): Black is coming.
Voldemort: Go get him.
Snape: I don't think he'll get past the tires..
Black is struggling along by himself - he has walked around most obstacles, but Snape and Voldemort (well, SNAPE rather, since he does stuff) have set up a huge out defense ring of tires - double stacked and overlapping..
Black(notices): aghhhh damnn - KIDSS!.. agh.. (hand to head) dont yell, Padfoot.. (waves an arm - Harry and Hermione appear from around both sides of the house) THE- (catches himself - points at the tires)
Harry: oh no - Sirius is in trouble!
Hermione: Let's go! (Hermione runs; Harry too, despite his pounding headache)
Meanwhile, Sirius forges ahead - he has made it to the series of overlapped tires, and now he sticks one foot clear through two and falls forward)
Black(not even attempting to get up): Ohhhhh waterloo....
Voldemort: Do you want to get him now?
Snape: I suppose before the children come.
Hermione: Snape!
Harry: agh! (he grabs half the broken pole vault on his way)
Voldemort: Severus, mind the cavalry.
(Snape has sauntered over; moved tires aside and now is poised to steal Black's flag. )
Black(glares up): Youll never take me alive, Snivellus
Snape(black humour): If you surrender without a struggle, we may give you the option of telling us where your flag is.... without torture.
Black: Ohhhh!! you sick.. (tries to roll away)
BUT! Let us leave this cliffhanger - We have not followed the adventures of Lupin and
Tonks. They have searched the entire household with no luck -
Lupin: Where haven't we searched?
Tonks: Our closet.
Lupin: "our" closet. - no, the Diary Room!
Tonks: OH! (they run down the hall; Tonks cautiously opens the door - there is the flag sitting in the middle of the room on the chair).. there it is..
Lupin: Get it..
(Tonks sneaks in - steals flag, tiptoes back out)
Lupin: That was easy
Tonks: Too easy - I wonder where everyone is??
(as they go back down the hall - the door to the closet - "their" closet- springs open and Dumbledore pops out like some deranged jack in the box.)
Dumbledore: hah!
Lupin&Tonks: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(They try to run, but there's no room in the hall, and he takes a flag in each hand.)
Dumbledore: Ah, these fun amusements... I caught you two. You'll have to wait in there (points to Diary Room).
BACK IN THE TIRE PIT OF DESPAIR-
Black: I'll never tell you where it is!
Snape(still standing): Then we'll have to persuade you-
(Just then Harry HEAVES the pole at Snape; who ducks. The pole thus flies into Voldemort, who is sitting directly behind.)
Voldemort: AGHH! POTTER!!!!
Harry: ah.. uh oh
Hermione: er.. Come on, let's save Sirius-
Voldemort stands, storms over to where Snape and Sirius are. Now Harry and Hermione meet them -
Voldemort: Ah, Children - I'd like to remind you that you are in OUR territory, and cannot take our flags.
Harry: COME ON, SIRIUS! (reaches for him - Snape also reaches and takes his flag)
Snape: There. One down. (looks at the kids) Two to go..
Hermione: AGHH!
Harry: UH! (they try to back up, but going backwards in the tires is near impossible and they both fall down.)
Voldemort: (also approaching) I must say, Severus, tires were a good idea..
Fifteen Minutes later-
Harry, Hermione and Sirius are sitting in a circle inside the tire ring, moping.
Back in the house - Draco and Pettigrew are both dozing in the living room.
And Lupin and Tonks are captured in the diary room having tea with Dumbledore.
The game has essentially come to a dead standstill.
Lupin: You know.. we should probably call in the reinforcements.
Tonks: OH! The walkie talkie.
Dumbledore: I'm sure I shouldn't allow you to do that..
Lupin: You didn't confiscate it yet.. (whips it out) ah.. now.. how does this work?
Ten minutes later-
Voldemort: Severus, do you want to get me another ice cream sandwich?
Black: What ice cream!?
(Suddenly the walkie talkie on the ground begins to make noise - the adults stare at it in confusion.)
WalkieTalkie: HEY!! Severus??? uh.. Mr. riddle? Draco?? Lupin here - We need help - we've been captured-
Hermione: I FORGOT ABOUT OUR WALKIE TALKIES! (pulls hers out)
Harry: don't yell, Hermione, please.
Snape(picks up WT): ....(studies it a moment; finally hits button) Lupin?
WT: We're in the Diary Room - Albus got us. Flag's here too.
Snape: We have Black and the kids.
WT: Where's Draco?
Snape: No idea.
WT: Well find him, and then come help us.
Snape(grumble): Maybe I'll send the Dark Lord-
Voldemort: Youl'l do no such thing! Get out there!
Snape(to WT): On my way..
Living room:
Pettigrew: zzzzzz
Draco: ...
Suddenly the walkie talkie in Pettigrew's robes goes off.
WT: Hello? Professor Dumbledore??
Pettigrew: AGhh? (sits up - falls back down immediately, clutching head) Ohhhhhhh
WT: Is anyone there??
Draco(opens eye): What is that???
Pettigrew: It's that.. thing.. (pulls out WT) Hello?
Draco: Don't you have to press something?
Pettigrew(pushes button): Hello?
WT: It's Hermione - is this... Wormtail?
Pettigrew: Yeah?
WT: You have to send help. All three of us got caught. We're in the backyard.
Pettigrew: oh
Draco: They caught three of them? Good.
Pettigrew: (glares at Draco, talks to WT) Well I can catch Draco-
Draco: ah - remember, you owe me-
Pettigrew(gets up slowly): I gave you all that time to get away - but you stayed right here!!
Draco: Agh-
(Snape stalks in - )
Snape: DRACO.
Draco: ah - professor-
Snape: What -(sees Pettigrew, who looks scared at Snape's entrance) What is going on?
Draco: They caught three of them
Snape: I know, I was there - (picks up coffee table, moves it matter-of-factly over Pettigrew, lets it stay there.)
Pettigrew: What- hey! (tries to crawl out from under it)
Snape: Come, Draco
(Draco stumbles to his feet and follows as Pettigrew slowly begins to escape the coffee table.)
Draco: agh where are we going?
Snape: Diary Room. It must be only Dumbledore.. (they sneak up - peek in - no sign of Dumbledore- but Lupin and Tonks tied up in a corner)
Snape: This is amusing. Watch the door, Draco. (starts to untie them)
Lupin: THE CLOSET!!!!
Snape: What!?
Draco(turns around - sees Dumbledore sweep out of the closet): Ahh! HE'S COMING!
Tonks: RUN!! (they grab the flag and make a dash for it - all of them at once - Dumbledore collides with them midway down the hall; struggles with Draco)
Draco: Go on - go on without me!! I'm a goner!
Tonks: hahahaha!
Lupin(looks at Snape incredulously): What did you do to him?
Snape: Must be the hangover - let's go before Albus catches up- (they run - BUT outside on the back porch they meet Pettigrew)
Pettigrew: AGHHhhrg!(dives at the three; happens to hit Snape - they fall back and topple over into the jacuzzi)
Tonks: Hahahaha!
Lupin: hahah-
From the corner of the yard-
Voldemort: What in--
Hermione: Oh wow -
Harry: This can't be good
Black: Maybe they'll kill each other!
Jacuzzi - there's a lot of splashing and yelling - Pettigrew's silver hand glints brightly in the light before he submerges it - along with Snape's neck- back in the water-
Lupin: They're not going to make it-
Tonks: Let's end this game - (They're about to go when suddenly the water erupts in a gigantic geyser -and crashes out the sides of the jacuzzi as well- Tonks and Lupin are thrown back with the force of the explosion - the plastic walls and Pettigrew are carried along into the yard-)
BigBrother: NO USING MAGIC, PROFESSOR SNAPE!!
Snape(standing where the jacuzzi used to be, drenched, glaring): It was life-and-death self defense!
Voldemort(heartily amused and clapping): Hahahaha!
Harry: I didn't know there was that much water in the jacuzzi..
Hermione: I don't think there was, Harry.
Cut to Diary Room-
Dumbledore: heh. I wonder what that was...
Draco: I'm glad I wasn't there.. my head hurts too much already..
Dumbledore: Care for some tea?
Back Yard:
Pettigrew: What!? CHEATER!
Snape: Cheat? You were going to drown me!
Tonks(to Lupin): I love how Wormtail manages to alienate EVERYbody.
Lupin: It's a habit he's developed quite proficiently..
Snape(stalks over): No cuddling - take that flag back and finish this bloody game.
Lupin: ah - right (hops up, makes dash for their end zone)
Pettigrew: NOOOOO! (struggles to feet - stumbles after him)
Tonks: Oh the drama - I can't watch!
Lupin(halts at the tires): WHO PUT THESE HERE!!?
Black(from other side): don't yell, moony...
Voldemort: Give me the flag (walks through the path Snape had made earlier; stretches out his hand)
Hermione: DONT DO IT, PROFESSOR LUPIN!
Harry&Black: shhhh!
Lupin: He's on my team. (hands him flag; Voldemort returns triumphantly to his seat.)
BigBrother: GAME OVER! TEAM ONE WINS! Prize will be waiting you tomorrow morning.
Tonks: How about a new jacuzzi, Big Brother?
BigBrother: By the way, it's time for you to leave, Mr. Pettigrew.
Pettigrew(since returned to fetal position on ground): Oh?
BigBrother: Yes, your week is up.
Black: good
Pettigrew: ahhlll right.. (sits up again) Ah. I'll get my stuff..
The housemates watch him go in silence.. then the disaster that is the back yard comes back to their attention. The water has flooded the area around the porch - bits of wall and seating are all over; the lone wicker rocking chair has toppled down; the remains of the obstacle course are randomly spread around the yard..
Voldemort: We're living in a war zone...
Black: good reason to go back to bed...