Warnings: abuse of HP characters, "Hints of Slash," ALCOHOL - which TheAuthor does not recommend for underaged children. (Yes, that means drunk! sirius, drunk! pettigrew, drunk! draco, drunk! harry - the list continues..)
Day 25, Saturday Nominations
Draco is in an especially foul mood today when he stalks into the Diary Room. His hair may be back to its normal color, but he hasn't had any ice cream for 24 hours and the deprivation is taking its toll.
Draco: (sits in a huff on chair) WELL! Someone's run off the ice cream! I know it's not Black or he'd be gloating. Potter and the Mudblood can't keep a straight face either... I can't figure out who it could be- there's not a single clue! Lupin is sneaky. it could be him... (eyes narrow further) Of course... Professor Dumbledore is always tricky - not to mention SNAPE! You never know what he's thinking.. But I bet it was someone in my room, so Snape or Lupin. Lupin might give something away.. I'll get him first. (exit)
And just where are Snape and Lupin? Snape sits on his sofa in the living room, reading about African boomslangs. Lupin has just entered with a different book.
Lupin: Hi Severus
Snape: (nods, but does not look up)
Lupin: I finished your book. What's next?
Snape(looks up): hm.. What are you in the mood for?
Lupin: (chuckles).. What else did you bring along?
Snape: ..you could always borrow Miss Granger's romance novel.
Lupin: What?
Snape: I suppose you haven't seen that yet.
Lupin: I'm not in the mood for romance novels. What's that you've got? (notes) "African Boomslang Farm"?! Is Albus going to have you teach care of magical creatures next year?
Snape: No, I'm too good at potions.. (pointed glare) Or else I'd be teaching defense against the dark arts...
(But before Lupin can reply, Draco sweeps into the room. He pauses in front of the coffee table; every look, every gesture demands attention.)
Lupin: Hi Draco
Snape: No, we haven't seen it.
Lupin: Seen what?
Draco: HAH! How'd you know it was missing ?- Professor Snape, sir.
Lupin: Oh, the refrigerator, of course.
Draco(crestfallen): Does everyone know?
Lupin: I'm afraid so, Draco.
Draco: Where is it then?
Lupin: Everyone except you. (winks)
Draco: You're not going to tell me, are you?
Lupin: nope.
Draco: I'll have to find it some other way then! (exit)
Lupin(turns to Snape): talking yourself into trouble, Severus? That's unlike you.
Snape: ... I'm afraid not, Lupin. Potter and Granger have known since last night - I assumed you and Black would have heard by now. (Lupin shakes his head) Well then you played along admirably...
Lupin: did you-
Snape(head back in book): I can't imagine that anyone would expect me to have hidden it....
Lupin: No one would.... that's the problem with you, Severus.
Draco pouts all day, and Harry and Hermione only goad him on.
Harry: Malfoy - hungry?
Draco: What are you offering, Potter?
Harry: too bad you don't have any ice cream.
Draco: Oh shut up. (stalks off down hall)
Hermione: What? leaving your precious kitchen, Malfoy??
Draco: OUTNUMBERED!
Hermione: Oh yes, I had forgotten - the big bad Malfoy isn't here.
Draco: QUIET, MUDBLOOD!
(Pettigrew comes down the stairs as Draco rushes past)
Pettigrew: what - what's going on now?
Harry: nothing. (follows)
Pettigrew: Why does no one ever tell me anything???
The rest of the day goes slowly..dinner is not such a problem now that food supplies are plentiful, and no one even considers allowing Lupin or Black to work with Pettigrew again. After dinner is a different story, for the housemates have eaten and now lounge about in the kitchen, quite incapable of amusing themselves.
Dumbledore: ........ well...
Voldemort: Don't even try, Albus.
Black: I know - It's Saturday night - Let's have a drinking game!
Lupin: (chuckles into his coffee)
Pettigrew: OHhh! Remember in 5th year-
Both: SHUT UP!
Tonks: Drinking game, that could be good.
Snape: (starts to get up)
Voldemort: oh, come now, Severus - ducking out already??
Snape: ...... potions masters don't drink.
Voldemort(the authoritarian stare of doom): Don't they?
Snape: .... No.
Hermione: I think drinking is a bad idea. it's quite irresponsible.
Lupin: Glad someone has the right idea! (also standing to go)
Draco: I could use a drink.
Dumbledore: I think a little game or two might be amusing.
Black: Well, that settles it. I'll be back with the liquor - you can help me carry it, Remus.
(Lupin shrugs, but goes along; Snape stalks off in the opposite direction)
Tonks: Isn't anyone concerned that Snape has plans to remain sober?
Dumbledore: I said a game or two, not helplessly inebriated.
Voldemort: We'll see about that....
Black and Lupin return with whatever glasses and bottles of alochol they can find, and soon the housemates gather around the table, pouring various drinks and testing the waters...
Draco(sniffs at the scotch): Muggle alcohol is very strong!
Hermione: Maybe you'd better not have any, Malfoy. Don't want to ruin your delicate constitution.
Draco: If you can deal with it, Granger, I'm sure I can. (takes a sip, pulls a horrid face, eyes watering)
Harry: Sometimes I'm glad I grew up with muggles.. ... only sometimes.
At the other end of the table, Dumbledore and Voldemort have discovered the cherry cordial liqueur.
Dumbledore(tastes): Not bad.
Voldemort: Who stocks this house with alcohol? They have no taste.
Tonks: Were we going to play a game?
Voldemort: I'll tell you what we used to play back in the day...
Dumbledore: Which day was this?
Voldemort(ignores him): It was very educational, Albus, you'd have been proud. We used to go around in a circle and write poetry. One person per line, and if you couldn't think of something that fit the poem - in terms of syllables or rhyme, you had to drink. (everyone looks nonplussed, except Dumbledore, of course, whose eyes are twinkling obnoxiously) Yes... Observe the limerick: There once was a very old aardvark - (turns expectantly to Dumbledore)
Dumbledore: Now, Tom, you know as well I as that there are no rhymes for aardvark...
Voldemort: Good. So drink!
Hermione: I don't like this game.
Black: I'm afraid we kids aren't so sophisticated these days - we used to see who could drink their mug the fastest.
Pettigrew: yeah, but then there was that time we played stri-
Black&Lupin: QUIET!
Tonks(grins): We should just take a drink everytime Wormtail puts his foot in it.
Suddenly Draco gets up - rummages through a drawer at the counter, and returns with a deck of cards.
Draco: What about these?
Voldemort(takes cards, shuffles): excellent, we can play war.
Dumbledore: Is that so?
Voldemort: Sure. On teams. Albus, you and I should be the generals of our respective sides.
Dumbledore: (amused) I'll take Harry.
Voldemort: Miss Granger
Hermione: what! I dont want to play any drinking games! (jumps up, exits room)
Voldemort: Oh, defectors in the ranks. Draco.
Draco: Fine
Dumbledore: Sirius
Voldemort: Peter.
Dumbledore(is left to choose between Lupin and Tonks; he considers a moment): Remus.
Tonks: Thanks, Albus.
(They rearrange themselves, four on each sides of the table with Dumbledore across from Voldemort, Harry across fom Draco, Lupin across from Tonks, and Black across from Pettigrew. Voldemort splits the deck and gives half of it to Dumbledore. He triumphantly throws down an Ace)
Voldemort: Oh, what an unfortunate way to start off, Albus.
Dumbledore(flips over a 9, takes miniscule sip of his liqueur): no matter..
Harry: Uh - what exactly are we doing?
Voldemort: You know how to play this card game - whoever has the lower card drinks.
(Harry's eyes go wide at the realization)
Harry: That's a lot of drinking.
Voldemort: Yes, I know.
Lupin(whispers to Harry): Why do I have the impression that Voldemort has built up an amazing tolerance to all types of alcohol???
Harry: ah heh..
Voldemort: (flips over a new card; the 4 does not beat Dumbledore's 9) Ah... that would be our loss..
(Meanwhile at the other end of the table, Black and Pettigrew are paying no attention to the game-)
Pettigrew: You used to be able to hold your liquor, Sirius.
Black: Don't talk to me.
Pettigrew: Bet you can't even drink that tiny shot now..
Black: ... yes I can.
Pettigrew: Not like you used to.
Black: DAMN IT! Let's go, Rat! (they grab their shots, throw them back; both slam the glasses/fists down on the table at the same time - Pettigrew's silver fist makes an impressive smack.)
Tonks(next to Pettigrew): That was quite even, actually.
Voldemort(glares down): Is the party at the end of the table joining us, or...?
Black: In a line like this, we ought to have a race.
Voldemort: That will come in good time....
Draco: (looks nervous)
Black and Pettigrew continue to glare at each other.
Later, Hermione finds Snape reading in his room. She approaches very cautiously.
Hermione: er.. Professor Snape?
Snape(glances up): ..... How much alcohol have you had?
Hermione: None!
Snape: You can enter then. What do you want, Miss Granger?
Hermione(stops 5 feet away from the bed): I was wondering if I could borrow a book.
Snape: What about your romance novel?
Hermione(frowns): It was so stupid I had to give up around page 160.
Snape(inquisitory teacher mode�): You didn't think to bring anything else?
Hermione: I didn't think I'd have much time for reading, and that book was quite long..
Snape: ... not planning ahead, Miss Granger.
Hermione: I can find something downstairs, I don't mind reading muggle book-
Snape(points toward closet): All I brought is stacked in there, except for Banshees and Sea Sirens, the Historical Connection - Lupin has that currently-
Hermione: Oh? that sounds interesting (goes to closet, begins browsing)
Snape: (smirks thoughtfully) Indeed... I am not a library.... I shouldn't hand out books... (adds with deliberately ambiguous leer) ... Or perhaps I should just demand some sort of recompense..
Hermione(freezes halfway across room with book): I really don't mind reading muggle books-
Snape: Don't worry, Miss Granger.
Hermione: ah - are you -
Snape(waves her off): Just go.
Back in the kitchen:
Voldemort: GO!
(He and Dumbledore finish their shots at the same time. Harry and Draco are next - Malfoy is positively red by now, and misses his mouth when he throws his shot back - Harry only spits his out laughing when he sees-)
Voldemort: (puts paternal hand on Draco's shoulder) Draco, child - perhaps you should rest. Your father wouldn't appreciate this. And I don't want you to die just now.
Draco: Whhh - "JustNOW"?
Harry: hahahahahah!!
Lupin and Tonks are next - both a bit red, but relatively lucid. Lupin finishes first; wipes his mouth on his sleeve.
Lupin: ok! That's enough alcohol for Moony...
Tonks: Awwwwwwww - what! you've hardly had anything!
(Black and Pettigrew have been drinking on the side - and are both completely wasted at this point.)
Black: Wha- ourturn allllllllllready?
Pettigrew: Youre just scaredd!
Black: Gimme tha' bottle! (reaches for vodka, accidently knocks it over)
Tonks: Agh! (the alcohol runs towards her, she jumps up from her chair)
Pettigrew: oh youre wassting i'!
Black(sets upright): all right, here! (tries to pour, shakily) here-
Pettigrew: YOUre getting my hand all wet!
Black: Ican'o worse than tha'!!
Pettigrew: (picks up the shot glass) Ooo-K!
Black: WAI' FOR ME! (grabs his viciously, spilling half of it) GO!
Pettigrew: WAIt-
Dumbledore: This is amusing, Tom.
Voldemort: I was wondering when you were going to stop it.
Dumbledore(chuckles): ... eventually.
Voldemort: After someone gets killed?
Dumbledore: You won't be so lucky, Tom...
(BAM! the two have finished their shots - the table shakes with the force as they slam down the empty glasses.)
Black(stands up, wobbling): Ahhhh - I got you tha' time!
Dumbledore: Perhaps, children, we should all just go to bed...?
Voldemort: I'm putting my money on Wormtail again.
Tonks: (whispers to Draco) Draco, don't you hate how Voldemort has no sense of fashion??
Draco: ahhhhh -- yeeaaaaasss - he - he le's tha cat hair all over him, its quite -quite disgusting!
Harry(hasn't been able to speak for 5 minutes): Hahahaaahh!
Voldemort(turns ominously): I heard that, Draco.
Draco(still manages to look righteously offended): welll! i'ss true!! you loo'like a YETI half tha time!!
Dumbledore(has to laugh): ... ah..out of the mouths of babes..
Voldemort: ... Child.. perhaps you should go upstairs and sleep now..
Draco: annnnnnnnd furthermore-
(Tonks and Lupin grin)
Tonks: Yes, Draco??
Draco: Fruhhrermore- AHEM! (attemps to steady himself)- those Dark Lor' boots arrre very 80s-
(Lupin, Tonks, Harry, and Dumbledore are all laughing now; Voldemort stands to his full height..)
Voldemort: I hope you're not comparing me to Darth Vader....
Draco: hheuh?
Luckily for Draco- there's a yelp from the other end of the table - Black and Pettigrew have begun the inevitable fight -
Black: SOOOOOOOOOOO WHO CAN'DRINK NOW?
Pettigrew: YOuuuu! (they stumble about, crash to the floor; but not before Black hits his head on the end of the counter on the way down)
Black: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOwwweee! - tha's gonna bea fun bruise tomorrow!
Lupin(getting up to help): Ah, see, Tonks - it's good we're not all three sheets to the wind-
(Enter Snape through the door near the refrigerator - he observes the scene as he gets himself a glass of water.)
Voldemort: Ah, Severus - perhaps you can take Mr. Malfoy away before he says something he doesn't want to?
Snape: (glance to Draco; who turns around, spots his professor)
Draco: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Professor Snape- Don' you agree??? he loo's like a yeti? (points drunkenly to Voldemort)
Snape(dead straight-faced): Draco, yetis are not bald.
(Harry is slowly disappearing under the table laughing.)
Draco: I mean withtha hood! - tha hood, silly!! (gives clumsy motions indicating that Voldemort should put his hood on)
Snape(strides across the kitchen; grabs Draco by the shoulder): I see your knowledge of yetis is .. quite abominable-
Lupin: HAH! (he is trying to help Black back to his saet)
Black: tha' wasn' tha' funny...!
Snape: Yes, Draco - I have a book upstairs that will tell you all about yetis and the like.. Come. (drags him off)
Dracp(whines): i donnwann'o read now-- everythings blurry!
Tonks: Heheheh!
Dumbledore: You're not quite that bad, but you do have a cat hair on your collar, Tom..
Voldemort: .. It's going to be a while before we forget about that one, isn't it?
Dumbledore: I'm afraid so..
Pettigrew: HEY MOONY NO INTERFEREING AGAIN!
Lupin(trying to hold Sirius back): Ah - Wormtail -
Black: DON' YOU START!!
Tonks: Let's break this up!!
Harry: Hahahahah!
Dumbledore(stands up): All right - let's clear out.
Lupin: good idea, Albus - come on, Sirius)
Black: youuuu neer le' me have any fun!
Pettigrew(is being held back by Tonks): lett me go, miss!!!
Tonks: Ah - you heard Professor Dumbledore!
Pettigrew: DOnnnt (turns to face her) Dont make me use THISSS! (grabs her wrist with his silver hand)
Tonks: AH-
BigBrother: ATTNETION HOUSEMATES!
Dumbledore: First time I'm glad to hear that voice..
BigBrother: It is SATURDAY night. YOU HAVE TO NOMINATE!! REPORT TO THE DIARY ROOM!
Lupin: Yeah, let's go, Sirius!, Come on - THIS WAY (pulls him off towards hall)
Dumbledore: Harry, are you quite all right?
Harry(on floor): haha... ah.... cant... move.. hahah
Dumbledore: Do you need some help?
Voldemort: Right, Miss Tonks, you don't need to bring Wormtail to the Diary Room too. (sweeps out; Tonks promptly drops Pettigrew)
Upstairs - Snape has heard the announcement - he is halfway down the hall - half carrying Malfoy... he looks very displeased
Snape: .... Malfoy.. Did you hear that?
Draco: i think we ought - oughtta jus' smoother him some nigh - don'you think so, Prfsoossseor?
Snape: I'd love to, Draco, but now is not the time. We're going back downstairs..
Draco: whhha? all theway.. oh bother-
Hermione comes out of her room-
Hermione: What? What's going on, Professor Snape?
Snape: Miss Granger
Draco: OHh i'ss tha Mudblood- (tries to whisper to Snape, but can be heard cleary through the entire hall) I thin' she likess me-
Hermione: WHAT! how drunk is he!?
Snape: Go fetch a bucket.
Hermione: Oh dear..
Diary Room nominations:
Voldemort actually reaches the room first.
Voldemort: AUDIENCE. (stands imperiously before the camera) We must get rid of Albus. I nominate him for two points, and I give Potter the other one. (sweeps out)
Black comes stumbling in, arm around Lupin-
Black: Heeeeeeeeey kidds! We're nominating.. wha- (looks at Lupin) Whoare we nomina'ing again, Moony?
Lupin: I'm nominating Voldemort for two and Draco for one.
Black: Yeahh wha' he said- thas grea', Moony.
Lupin: Yes, yes, lets get you out of here. (drags him off)
Enter Tonks
Tonks: Hi! I'm nominating.. Voldemort for two and .. hm.... I guess Snape for one. (exit)
Dumbledore and Harry show up. Harry seems much more lucid now that he has nothing to laugh at.
Dumbledore: Tom for two... random selection brought up Remus for one.
Harry: Voldemort and Snape. (exeunt)
Hermione runs in.
Hermione: Ok, Snape is really starting to act strangely.. then one point for Voldemort (runs back out)
Finally enter Snape, glowering. With Draco and bucket-
Snape: We're both nominating Dumbledore for two and Black for one.
Draco: WAi - I wa- I wantto nominate POTTER
Snape: Too bad.
Draco: Bu-
Snape: Malfoy. Quiet (drags him out again)
------------
A/N: whew.. ok, final tallies: Voldemort (9 pts), Dumbledore (6pts), Snape (4pts).