fiona apple - never is a promise
thoughts : some people can hit the core
my oh my,i finally have my learners. now my mom will go off my case for the illegal driving since i at least have something. whatever that means. im mentally SO drained and my mom is annoying the fuck out of me. its always when im over pressured that i end up doing nothing. i was at two libraries today searching for some fucking info on a super boring math project which i have to finish by friday and some dumb book on a a south african artist i dont even like which i am writing a project on. dont ask me why but thats how life is. our art teacher wants length and with all the other no name brands i have no LENGTH. lenght smenckth..my ass. im gonna have to be working my brains out from now on since i have less than a month left of school and then the shit will really hit the fan cuz i will be finished with school. yes i will be able to wave my middle finger at that hell hole and at all the others at mutant high. ah that'll be true bliss. but for now i will keep the harshness to myself for my brain lacks the oxygen to perform functionally and therefore proceed with giving out understandable remarks with less negativity. ok, that was so not what i wanted to say. but so be it.
somebody sign the guestbook please!
Heike spoke out @ 08:22 pm
july the 16th, 2002
im addicted to smarties. they are just so yum. im addicted to sweets actually and i cant get enough these days. thats right, eat yourself happy heike, like thats gonna happen. i have to stop this shit im doing to myself. im torturing my soul the whole time. i dont feel like spilling today. lika was over for 3 days and it was soo awesome. i love her to bits and pieces. we just get along so well. its increadible. i love it. im so glad to have her. and shes staying here. wow. thats awesome, beyond awesome. that just rox my world. i couldnt live without her for 4 years. thats too long ..i would eventually, i know. but the thought is horrible. im not scared of seperation, no thats not it, its just that the way we are around eachother u dont get very often. its hard to explain but its beautiful and i would go insane without that. everything else would seem to shallow and fake. im actually much further in my decision making concerning my studying nxt year. i made a list and compared institutions and i decided on the uni here .i mean shucks, i never wanted to go to uni. i would never have thought i'd take that over a technikon or college. but yep, but it also has to do with the subject. i mean it'll be more theory and im cool with that although im more a practical person. ok the choices are "media and writing" it incorporates social anthropology towards media and the influence of the media in general and writing etc, a whole lot of really interesting stuff. the other thing is "film, media and visual studies" which is probably even better but i don't know yet. i'd have to read it through again. lol. im so not lazy, im just busy with other MATH AS- assinations..lol..assignments which are horrid! its so friggin much. i mean she gives us exam papers to do? do i look like i have nothing to do over the HO_LI_DAY..somebody burn down the school for christs sake
Heike spoke out @ 09:42 pm
july the 10th, 2002
i guess part of having a website is getting bad feedback once in awhile. but then i ask myself. did i create this page for myself or for other's to hintively criticize. when i ask for "suggestions" in my gbook then i by no means want u to NOT write anything in there. its about the way one says it i suppose. but to say " very many " is just plain bitchy and frankly subordinately pathetically intellectually challenged if u ask me. gee sorry i havent got the time or pateince lol..to learn html and the stuff that comes with it. i cant help that there are annoying pop ups. frankly i actually am trying my best to make it a nice site. ok now that i got that off my case.
i have grown used to getting to bed at like 2 am in the morning these days. frankly i love it. im just worried about all the stuff i still gotta accomplish b4 i go back to school. i have my art painting which is gonna take me FOREVER to finish cuz it's so complex. but then again, fuck man. im only human.
picked giselle up today and we went shopping. it was funny. lol..i cannot hoola hoop for the life of me. i used to do it so well when i was...much younger! lol.. gonna fetch her tomorrow to come over to my place and just chill i suppose! she printed out some stuff for my attempt at learning how to play the guitar and im gonna teach her some german! its gonna be cool. im so glad ive finally found an awesome person to chill with her at my end of the world.
i am in such a confused state as to what to study nxt year. i have no clue. that is so not frustrating *Spot the sarcasm* maybe ill do a bachelor of arts in fine arts..or maybe social anthropology or maybe hotel management. you know what. screw that for the time being. all im actually worried about this year is actually passing my learners someday *that unfair of a test* and getting my drivers *currently driving around illegally -shoot me* and passing my matric well. woohoo for that.
i need some medication against internet addiction.
Heike spoke out @ 11:49 pm
july the 6th, 2002
i guess the 11 pm saga is getting routine. i am a night person..always have. i can't really stand the mornings. to me, the night is so ..mystical and magical. i love it, i love being apart of night. the day just seems to pass to fast and the night, so it seems to me, stays on for an inumerous amount of time. i dicthed the fucking teenybopper diary shit..that's what i got my site for right? i just gotta figure out how to get that webrichot ad away from my page. it messes it up BIG time...and to think i actually tried to get away from geoSHITies pop ups! ha..fuck that. anyway i just watched "the piano". i totally do NOT like that movie. but i watched "interview with the vampire" and that movie was BRILLIANT! i hiiighly recommend watching that. gonna get me the book aswell :) i don't like dramas and the piano was tooo much drama and bullshit to me :( my movies have to have this deepness about them...real meaning. otherwise ..nah thnk u.
i worked pretty hard on my art project today and i'm proud of how far i've already gotten *wow i am actually proud of myself - and oh my gosh, i'm actually admitting it to myself- a sheer case of phenomenality* is that actually a word..or did i make that up?
it's weird how more in tune i am becoming with darkness. when i lie awake i kinda think about it and it seems like my fears are kinda subsiding. also, i am not exactly emotionally stable and last night when my dogs ran off to the beach and i was searching for them, i would normally have been too scared to go to the edge of the path which was in total darkness but this sense of strength and power overtook my whole body and all i wanted was to find my two dogs, screw the consequences. it was awesome and i feel so much stronger. ok over exaggeration. i feel stonger.
oh and btw...PLEASE SIGN THE FRIGGIN GUESTBOOK. it actually means something to me!!!! argh
Heike spoke out @ 11:42 pm
july the 5th, 2002
i got myself a teen diary bullshit ...don't know why but ah well, time is REALLY not passing..it was 11:15 pm just now..i mean..ach..lol..i'm freakin myself out. lemme get the link to the diary :
- ok not today -
"life's like this, you fall and you crawl and you brake and you take what you get"
Heike spoke out @ 11:19 pm
july the 3rd, 2002
i watched serendipity yesterday and it was one of the best movies ever created by man. it touched me in so many ways. not only am i a very emotional person, yes, that is part of it...and yes, i am also very emotional and romantic but that movie emulated my idea...of love. was it far fetched or was it just ..believing? i am a very strong believer of fate and i also believe that if u truly believe love to be something really wonderful and love happening in the strangest ways and places. it actually brought back hope to me in a way. my soul slips now and then, lately quite frequently, and i did not know if what i was doing, was doing my soul good. i now know that every thing i actually decide and believe in is perfect for me. that's how we grow as people and learn. i just guess, to me, one of the greatest sayings is one of the greatest things ..to me. "The greatest thing in life is to love and be loved in return". love means too much to me..and i have never shared that special love with someone. u know, i think he's already in my life...but then again i don't want to think and believe in it bcoz it may not turn out the way i'd like it to turn out.ach man, i wish this world would fall off my back. my therapist is also annoying me now. i finished an awesome painting today!i loove it :) my first piece of art that i actually like. we have a new project to do over our winter break now and i already started it andi love that to. FUCK my teacher if she doesn't like it and it's too negative. she can kiss my ass that mother of bitches..lol..that was funny. ok, let's see. i love my negative pictures, i'm just one of those people who create negative pictures and i'm good at it. lol. i have so much to do for school still but today i just did ..um.. started my art.. shit not that an accomplishment one would think. oh be-lieve ME ,for heike, that'sa fuckin mountain. lifehouse's music is beautiful. oh is my romatic side shining through? guess so. i'm proud of it *grins* and i'm also proud of myself.
Heike spoke out @ 09:26 pm
june the 30th, 2002
don't ask me why i wrote my dates in such a retarded way but ..haha.. my bday rocked!! it was so awesome, except for the part that i went to bed at like 6 am and only slept 2 hrs :( i'm kinda...umm.. screwed at the moment. i was so sick this morning, blegh. but it was wonderful! i got the most beautiful gifts ever..they were so special and i could see that all my friends really put a lot of effort into them :) i'm so happy today, except that i have a hectic stomach ache. everything always goes to my stomach. but that's typically cancerian though... gotta deal. wow, i just had a sleep-awake-trance-vision thing going ooh, i need sleep...i changed and added a whole lot to my webpage..i'm happy with it. i was wondering if i should create awards for other sites. that should be pretty much fun.
gawd i cannot wait for the photos to get developed from my bday :) yaay..oh and the best thing i almost forgot to mention. my car...has a radio now!!!!woo pieeeee!!! and my day and last night was magical :)
Heike spoke out @ 04:59 pm
2002/26/06
ATT: CLIQUES HAVE MOVED TO CLIQUES PAGE
sooo...getting my report on friday!*yikes* don't think i did miraculously like i had planned but as life goes, shit goes ..lol.. not funny. actually it was..ok fuck that. you know what? i love cliques!i was thinking of actually moving all the cliques that i belong to to my linkz page since i have no linkz and never will..lol..quite ironic but anyways..it's gonna happen. then, it's my bday on sunday!!!yaaaay!! finally 18! that,my friends, is gonna ROCK! woohooo!!i'm finally gonna b legal. cool stuff. my friends are actually doin a surprise thing of a jog for me on friday..sweet hey? yeah..just that i found out about it. it's still extremely wonderful :) and on sat i'm gonna party with close friends. i hate superficiality and i will not party and invite retards who come to drink and score. fuck them, they won't care about me and neither do i care about them BUT, haha...they will never forget me but i'll forget them. i burn out, they fade out.
Heike spoke out @ 08:58 pm
2002/24/06
okieday..i my pages were fucked up for awhile there..so i fixed that!goodie
just as you think everything is going really well for you, your whole world brakes in again.
Heike spoke out @ 09:52 pm
2002/23/06
avril lavigne kicks ass.i absoloutely am addicted to her music! first i thought she was in her 20's cuz she has such a mature voice but then i found out she was just 17! she's quite an inspiration, music wise only though cuz her lyrixs are too immature...i'm feeling great actually :) I've finally started getting out of the house! lol..but fuck, everyone needs that balance in their life cuz i was too fixed on school. going for coffee with giselle today. that'll be really good cuz i haven't seen her in a tooo long time! i'm happy. i haven't been happy in awhile and that is not good. i put my soul under too much pressure i admire native maericans..they are so amazing ..so full of so much wonderful wisdom :) i feel so full of self wants somehow..i wanna write TONZ of songs, i want to finish my paintings, i wanna buy loadsa books and just do whatever i wanna do this winter break. i only have like 3 weeks but that'll be cool. i know i'll have to study, esp. business. fuck hahaha..i have only studied ONCE in the whole..ummm..2 yrs of having it and there i got a B..cool stuff huh? lol..like i said, that was once. we have the most annoying pathetic unuseful subjects ever. my school sux, the people suck and ..every-
thing sux at my school. ok i won't waste my time on that. soo, i'm off to write my songs *one step further* lol..have a great day :)
Heike spoke out @ 01:32 pm
2002/20/06
i'm writing my learner's license on sat! aahhh..i'm SO scared..u have NO idea...everyone fails it here..at least once..there are like VEERY few that pass it the first time..mainly cuz our governemnt is so bancrupt and needs money ...i reckon. but then again, that's what i reckon. i'm home alone today and i don't really like that fact since i am a very scared-kinda-person if u know what i mean. my math exams went well/ok *i suck holy at geometry- i always have and frankly -always will* and my business exam actually went ok today! all i wanted was to pass cuz i am going through so much emotional changes and i just couldn't do anything for school. it's something that cannot be explained. i'm making and changing my mind about myself and esp. my life and my future...i was thinking about how one should actually follow ones dream. because how can true happiness come when u'r not doing something u LOVE. oh gosh, love is something that is in everything and belongs to ever aspect of life. i am suddenly finding myself writing songs and singing and...u guessed it, dreaming of bcoming a singer. i feel like i have so much to say and so much to express. i want to go to the us nxt year actually and try my luck. am i unrealistic? no, just following my dreams. is that stupid? what can be defined as stupid these days? yes everything is questionable..the real question is, should we question? why not just go for it and ask "why not" instead of "why". ~ as a good friend once told me. ah yes, my kittie is cute...did u kno that cats lie on those places of u'r body that needs it the most..that needs..healing? oh yesh :)
well, enough from my mouth...verbal diarrohea if u ask me...lol
Heike spoke out @ 07:52 pm
{_photography }
{ me }
{ images of moi }
{ my_music }
{ 10 things }
{ cliques }
{ contact me }
{ 1oo facts about me}
{ soulmates }
{ what the internet thinks of my character - tests }
mood : annoyed, depressed and stressed
food : nothing..still full from the pizza this afternoon
drink : water
clothing : blue ripped jeans and beige polo-neck
thoughts : i hope i can accomplish all my accomplishments well this week particularly
time : 08:24 pm
listening 2 : the sea
