From deep within my circle of friends
A hard light shines my way-
Keeping me focused on myself
I hear their laughter and strain to understand
What they find so funny in their darkness
It reminds me of us-
You so focused
and me laughing out of view
We're going out of our way to keep it live
And the waitress asks if we're ok-
If we want another round of beer-
If we want to try for one more year
The music soothes the emptiness inside
Their laughter and smiles
Enlarge my fear-
When everyone sings to the beat of a dying heart
1998
MyGrilThrill
We dance
Around the room; this life
Until the day
Silence falls
Love no longer calls-
us to our feet
Relief is metered out
to the lonely
Watching tired couples
Waning
In moonlight, streetlights
capture the moment
In a blink
between red and green
Hands fall still
Emptied
Feelings tumble unnoticed
Forever lost
2000
MyGirlThrill
I told you I loved you then you ran away
Into the night; out of sight
I thought it was what you wanted me to say
All the days and stolen moments leading to this night
You ran
Maybe you should have kept going
Far into the night; into your life
We never had a fools chance of knowing
The heart breaks; sharp shards like a knife
How much does it matter?
You wanted to be the girl next door without a care
I wanted the dream, the house, and shooting stars
Your life unfolding on the big screen from thin air
Romance and acceptance only go so far
How we ever fooled ourselves into believing that was us
The compromise and the lies caught up
Authentic selves coming undone
Our aftermath continues to burn bright; my luck
After all these years like a dead star shining beyond
Tonight I see all
We were never meant to be
Simply a wrong choice a bad call a long free fall
Headlong into another
Now I'm here and you can guess who isn't at all
But look what I've learned someone said; I want to take cover
All I would give to learn what turns off the pain
All that remains
All that stays the same
Like the bright star in the sky tonight
Like the one you ran toward a lifetime gone by
Ready to snuff the flame
Shoot me to the next life
And I promise,
My authentic self,
I promise I'll do better next time
10/15/08
MyGirlThrill
Hot tea doesn't burn
the way you do
when you leave me;
It's his turn
Sipping slowly tears roll
freely
I dig in to brace myself
for the crush
of emotions as they
rush about
Conditional sin rift -
pleasure guilt
spins
me silly into confusion
I reach
for you...hot tea
3/17/00
MyGirlThrill
Paddle out beyond reach
You silly peach
Young and fuzzy new growth
Brown skin going under
No rope tow
Not this far out
Hold your breath honey child
Keep your head held high
Don't drown in
Don't choke on
The tears you're swimming in
Sun shining high above
Your bobbing head
Glistens and shimmers
We don't hear the murmur
We don't see the anger
Brown skin going under
It's been years this way
Strong young peach
We watch you from the beach
Too far out
Brown skin going under
Restless sweet love
High above the tears
You swim in today
Bubbles we don't see
The years you've been strong
Too far out to swim back now
Sweet young peach
Just beyond reach
Brown skin going under
5/6/01
MyGirlThrill
Let's not screw this up by trying
We'd just end up crying
It's perfect the way it stands
Me alone here tonight
You somewhere out of sight
Another dream lands
In the circle burning fire
Tossing water on our desire
Make sure to stomp it out
Tightly tucking love
Deep within our doubt
Too much damage done
Too much damage done
5/08
MyGirlThrill
This is me
Gaping mouth
Eyes wide
Disbelieving
You don't care?
Anymore
Anyway
This is you
Vapid stare
Reflecting lenses
Viewing me; viewing me
No you don't care
Intense
Relentless
This was us
Side by side
Roller coaster fun
Eyes wide
Death grip
If I slip
Would you care?
This is us
Sitting silent
Cold coffee
Full cups
Waiter reaches
To clear our stuff
Do we care?
7/01
MyGirlThrill
And that color they like,
Periwinkle,
paints the sky
This waning day
These fading times
-you on my mind
The juxtaposition of my mood
Against this brilliant sky pauses me
How we fit
Crossing the mystery
Shadows dancing, fading fast
What is left, it's what I take
A weaker person's heart might break
Without that knowing
You take care
Not to damage
What was never there
within
A periwinkle sky
Splintered deep
where my mood slips by
12/1999
MyGirlThrill
How much the cost
To buy back the past I lost
Promises made
They didn't last
Scars in places to the bone
By all the ones who came before
I knew what I was looking for
The one who poured a glass
Each night at dusk
To quiet her fear
To feed her rage
Good-bye my dear
Alone tonight in your cage
The one who psychoanalyzed
Who obsessive disordered
Beyond all control
Pushing loved ones out of sight
Keep on fighting your twisted fight
The one who said it was never real
Who rewrote history out of fear
You really had me fooled
Your smiling bedroom eyes
The deep kisses I prized
Never real
No harm no foul
Kicked out past left field now
Years of reeling through the aftermath
Finally broke free from you at last
This time is different, right?
Can I stop counting minutes
Exchanged for chunks of time
Slowly turning to a year
Time metered out in memories
Measured in honesty
Easing the pounding hurt
On this duct taped mended heart
Can I show you my worst?
Can I show you my best
And all the rest
Will you still be here
In the morning
In a month
In ten years
In the lifetime memory
Of a feeble old mind
Can I call you mine
How much will it cost?
6/9/01
MyGirlThrill