Murphy's Love & Sex Laws

• All the good ones are taken.
• If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
• The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
• Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
• The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
• Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
• The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
• Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
• Nice guys (girls) finish last.
• If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
• Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
• The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
• Nothing improves with age.
• No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
• Sex has no calories.
• Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
• There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
• Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
• No sex with anyone in the same office.
• Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
• A man in the house is worth two in the street.
• If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
• Virginity can be cured.
• When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
• Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
• The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
• Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
• It is always the wrong time of month.
• The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
• When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
• Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
• Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
• The younger the better.
• The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
• It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
• Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
• Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
• There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
• Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
• Love is a hole in the heart.
• If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
• Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
• Do it only with the best.
• Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
• One good turn gets most of the blankets.
• You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
• Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
• It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
• Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
• Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
• Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
• Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
• A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
• What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
• It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
• Never say no.
• A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
• Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
• Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
• Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
• A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
• Love comes in spurts.
• The world does not revolve on an axis.
• Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
• Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
• Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
• There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
• Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
• Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
• "This won't hurt, I promise."
• Nothing improves with age.
• An ex-wife/husband will always be "till death do us part".
• When a man wants his wife to hear, she doesn't listen.
• hen that same man doesn't want his wife to hear, she's all ears.
• It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.
• Love and high-school must NEVER go together.
• If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?
• Show me a husband who won't, I'll show you a neighbor who will
• It doesn't matter HOW good it was, if you end up worrying or regretting it, it was bad sex
• You get the best sex from the worst one for you
• Never trust a woman who acts like you are so sexy she can't help herself but drag you to bed
• No one is as fascinating as they think
• If you believe a relationship can't work, but feel the need to try, it won't.
• Corollary: You will later find out that your lack of belief caused it to fail.
• The duration of a relationship to a person is inversely proportionate to he importance of person to you.
• The Key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.
• The two thing no man can ever understand; Women and what makes all men complete damm fools over women.
• Love makes believers of us all.
• translation: Love obscures common sense.
• Being taken attracts women. Being single makes them avoid you like the plague.