MOST RECENT MURPHY'S LAWS FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT

• The newly elected Sheriff is not the one you voted  for, and he knows it!
• Court will be scheduled in the middle of your day  off.
• Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes  before the end of your shift.
• Surprise inspections will only occur after you have  been in a foot pursuit through mud.
• The Mayor will get arrested for DWI the day before  your department negotiates for a salary increase.
• Pens never leak onto old uniform  shirts.
• To err is human, to forgive is against department  policy.
• You will find a "police discount" one day before  payday.
• You will remain in perfect health until your days  off.
• No patrol car assigned to you will be clean or ever  have a full tank of gas.
• Wearing white socks makes boot zippers  break.
• The oldest squad car won't be retired. It will be  assigned to you.
• Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm  qualification day.
• Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight  hours.
• Your loudest traffic violator will be related to the  Sheriff, or the Mayor.
• You will score no higher than fourth on a promotion  exam with only three positions.
• Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are  busy.
• NCIC will be down anytime you see a car listed on a  hot sheet.
• Old squad cars never die, they just smell that  way.
• You will never get a bomb threat, or a barricade call  until the specialized squads are away on training.
• The experience of your DA is inversely proportional to  the importance of the case he is prosecuting.
• Word processors only delete reports when they are  nearly done.
• Your bullet proof vest was supplied by the lowest  bidder.
• You receive a subpoena for the Mayor's DWI trial, the  first day of your paid for, non-refundable vacation.
• In a physical confrontation involving more than one  officer, any impact weapon used will strike cops more times than  crooks.
• Do unto others, but do it first.
• Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.
• Your squad car will only break down when you are  outside your beat.
• Waterproof boots aren't.
• Freebies will only arrive at the station on your days  off.
• There is an inverse relationship between the number of  auto club stickers on a rear bumper and how well the person  drives.
• You are ALWAYS downwind from OC Spray.
• To err is human, just do it in front of as few people  as possible!
• Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even  recognize you off-duty.
• The hardest job for a Hostage Negotiator is to  negotiate with the crisis committee!
• No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes  another's idea........usually the Chief's.
• If your patrol car's air conditioning is out, the  suspect will smell worse than a wet dog.
• The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and  too small.
• The only time suppressive fire works is when it is  used on abandoned positions.
• There is nothing more satisfying that having someone  take a shot at you, and miss.
• All great discoveries are made by  mistake.
• The first myth of management is that it  exists.
• After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is  said than done.
• The only perfect science is hindsight.
• If it's not in the computer, it doesn't  exist.
• If there is a possibility of several things going  wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go  wrong.
• The best things in the world are free--and worth every  penny of it.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have  obviously overlooked something.
• Whenever you set out to do something, something else  must be done first.
• The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to  send it away to be repaired.
• Field experience is something you don't get until just  after you need it.
• Anything you do can get you shot, including  nothing.