| * Southside Seaport ~ The hottie captain on the other Beast! ~ Getting soaked on ours by "Horse" and "Mad Dog" ~ The great water ice ~ The man bending himself through the hanger * Matt, our unofficial tour guide:"It's so hard to get a cab." Mel: "We're in Manhattan! There are only twenty-five outside the hotel. How will we ever get one? * Adventures on the Subway ~ Getting change in McDonald's ~ "Christin, you dumbass!" ~ The smelly man * Carmine's ~ Two hour wait for a table ~ Vin Diesel's father is our waiter |
| * The Stephen Baldwin sighting in Starbucks * The old people in Thoroughly Modern Millie * Mamma Mia! and hearing loss * Chinatown...Cowtown without cows * Finding Delphinium's in the phone book * The Broadway Bar ~ Me getting served and ordering you a Cosmo ~ Waitress: "This glass is cracked! So is this one! Well, I have an eye for those things." Me: "Obviously she has no eye for ID." *The gay ticket guy talking about Rent: "You have to be very open-minded." * TRL ~ The intern ~ The girl who touched Quudus ~ Mel: "Where is my free Ashanti CD?" * Little Italy ~ The girls staring in the restaurant ~ "Hashish" ~ Haggling in Italian ~ The Secret Back Room: Chinese man: "Come from Hell into Heaven!" Mel: "Christin, that Kate Spade is REAL!" Me: "Take a picture!" Chinese man: "No picture! No picture!" Mel: "Great, now the Asian Mafia is gonna hunt us down and kill us." |
| The Story of Two Sexy, Single Gals in the City... (And other adventures) |
| Quotes (We really said all this...) Mel: "God, I wish I could be Johnny Depp for one day. I would dump his ugly gf and spend his money. I would grope Orlando Bloom." Me: "You could call me from Paris and say, 'Christin, it's meeee. Wake up, I'm Capt. Jack Sparrow.' Of course, I'd hang up. Then I'd go to your house where Johnny Depp would be freaking out because he'd lost his dick and was stuck is in New Jersey. So, I would calm him, call you, and say, 'Can I see it?' Hahaha!" Mel: "God, I'd hate it if he was small." Mel: "There are three men left on Earth. You have to have sex with one of them: MD, JV, or a sweaty African native who smells and screams at you in Swahili during sex as though he were Rafiki the baboon in The Lion King." Me: "Definitely the native." Mel: "But he beats you..." Me: "Are we talking about dragging me around by my hair?" Mel: "No, he hits you. Then, he makes you eat raw buffalo as part of the mating ritual." Me: "You never said that. I would have accepted him, even been able to laugh at the Swahili, before the abuse and the raw beast. I'd starve." Mel: "And you have to have a child!" Me: "Why would I want two of them? One screaming, violent, raw-buffalo-eating freak is more than enough for me." Me: "So who would you cast as Willy Wonka?" Mel (completely serious because she is half asleep): "My ass." I start laughing. "I can just picture you imitating Jim Carrey and singing that, 'Who can take a sunrise...' song and then running across the stage to play Veruka." Mel: "OMG, I just realized what I said. They'd have to change the lyric to something about a full moon rising." Mel: "I really resent the fact that you think we're friends just for your brain." Me: "I don't think that at all. It's because I know too much about you." Mel: "What does 'shew' mean?" Me: "It's the Olde English past tense of show." Mel: "I know I use you as the human dictionary, but that's beside the point." Me: "It's like some cult. They all have the same initials, but you can't kill his dog. He'd be devastated." Mel: "Even though it's an evil beast, he'd panic, 'Where's Julie? I must go save Julie!' He'd rush out of the house, come back three hours later, sigh, 'I've lost my Julie.' and begin weeping uncontrollably." Me: "She'd look up from her bottle of scotch two hours later, 'We have a dog?!' " Mel: "Then Eww would roll out of bed in a see-thru shirt. It's probably not even their dog. I bet they have a shit tszu that she sits on like a cushion." |
| Our List.... Me: "Who's on yours today?" Mel: "I think we should just make Gimpy, Camel Toe, and The Bitch our permanent Top Three." Me: "What about the FU twins? Actually, I just remembered they are triplets." Mel: "They count as six people!" Me: "So now we have a Top Ten. God, that's evil." |