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Awaiting Surgery

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  • Emotionally Preparing for Surgery
  • Making the Choice
  • Preparing for Surgery
  • Surgery and Recovery
  • Things They Don't Tell You
  • Why Reconstruction Was Not for Me

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    Making the Choice

    Some women choose right away whether or not they want reconstruction, while with others, it can be a confusing choice to make. By asking yourself some basic questions, you may be able to sort through some of your thoughts.

    Am I basing my decision on what my friends and family say, or might be thinking?

    A lot of loved ones will probably voice their opinions to you about what they want regarding your reconstruction. Or you might simply "assume" to know what another person is thinking. Says Melissa, "at first it seemed that almost everyone wanted me to have reconstruction."

    Ultimately, it's important to realize that reconstruction should be a matter of what you want and are comfortable with, not what others want and are comfortable with. This is your body. To illustrate why family members and friends may not be the best people to ask, one of Melissa's family members wanted her to have reconstruction. Another one did not. When asked why, each one felt she couldn't "live with" the alternative. This just goes to show that you can't rely on what others think--their own opinions color what they feel is right for you, and two people may think the exact opposite of one another. A supportive family member will want you to make the decision that is the best for you.

    It may seem dismissive to ignore the advice of others, but it's important to listen to your inner voice and truly find what you want. After all has been said and done, both of the family members mentioned above have admitted they're fine with what she chose. So it was a good thing she didn't base anything on what they said!

    Is my doctor pressuring me?

    There are ladies who don't feel pressured by doctors to have reconstructive surgery. Melissa says, "I wasn't pressured by the surgeon, but almost any doctor since has asked when or if I'm going to have reconstruction, to the point where it has seemed like a push."

    Don't take this as them saying it's the "right" answer. There is some research out that claims doctors don't mention reconstruction to women enough. Researchers, seeking to discover why less women than expected are choosing to have reconstruction, blame doctors for not bringing it up as an option. Doctors may be aware of this, and this may be why they seem to be pushing reconstruction. In other words, it may not be a push. The doctors may intend for this to merely be informing you of your options.

    Where am I finding information to base my decision on?

    It may sound like an overstatement, but all websites contain some bias. It's good to keep this in mind when exploring your options. A very obvious example of bias would be visiting a plastic surgeon's website to look at reconstruction photos, or asking your plastic surgeon for photos of surgeries. No plastic surgeon is going to intentionally share bad photos of his or her surgeries. Conversely, a woman who isn't happy being a flattop is not likely to plaster her photos on the 'net! Sheri "looked at pictures on the internet of women who had post-mastectomy reconstruction and those who had no reconstruction. I read the Internet discussion boards on which women discussed their recovery from reconstruction and the results, as well as their follow-up surgeries." After looking, she found that "Something inside me told me that reconstruction was not for me for various reasons." Don't forget that this site, too, has bias.

    Have medical professionals been honest with me?

    Medical professionals should not make everything sound like it's a piece of cake. Unfortunately, many do when it comes to reconstruction. Melissa says, "I had a nurse say to me, with a big smile, that implants are just 'popped right in.'" As the saying goes, "Rome wasn't built in a day." Reconstruction will often take multiple surgeries, and doctors should be honest about this at the outset. Even some ladies who opt not to have reconstruction have a "revision" after the initial surgery. How much surgery will you be comfortable with? Says Sheri, "I did not want to take the risk of possible bad reconstruction results or side effects, as I read some women had. Some reconstructions required several surgeries or follow-up surgeries in the future, which I did not want. Frankly, I thought that women without breasts looked as good as, or sometimes better than the women with post-mastectomy reconstructed breasts. Some women with implants said they were uncomfortable."

    Has my doctor talked to me about delayed reconstruction?

    If you are on the fence about reconstruction, it's extremely important to talk about this option with your doctor. Some professionals advise that the undecided put off reconstruction until sure that they want it. You might want to find out if you're a candidate for the same types of surgeries if you put it off. However, don't assume you will be a candidate for delayed reconstruction without speaking to a doctor first.

    Have I talked with other women who have had reconstruction and have not?

    While making your own decision can sometimes be even more difficult if you rely on the word of others (because what you need to know is what you can be happy with--not what other ladies are), it can genuinely be helpful to speak to others who are in the same boat. "One of the reasons my decision came so easily," says Melissa, "was because I had lived with a flattop, my mom, for around 25 years. Other ladies I met online backed up my decision by telling me about how normal their lives were, too."

    Have I written out the pros and cons?

    A very simple way of looking at where you're leaning is to divide a piece of paper with a vertical line down the center, and then write down the pros of each option. Many times this type of process helps individuals sort out what they really want. Generally, more "pros" will end up being written on the side that the person is subconsciously trying to support. While this is not to be used directly as a means to base such a decision on, the list could be taken to share with a doctor or plastic surgeon.

    What decision will I be happy with?

    Sheri says, "it was really good that I did not have reconstruction, because I have lymphedema, which most likely would have been much worse if I had the more extensive surgery required for reconstruction. I know I made the right decision for me." Melissa agrees. "The surgeries really took a long time to recover from. I developed seromas as a result of the mastectomies, and am really thankful I only had them to deal with. No stretching, no exchange surgeries, nothing."

    Written by Melissa.

    Nothing on this website should be construed as medical advice. Please speak to your doctor if you have any questions.

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