Section Trip to Disneyland Postponed Due to Too
Many Last-Minute Cancelations
![]() The Section trip to Disneyland was postponed for the third year in a row due to too many last-minute cancelations. more...
Directory Sold to Credit Bureau Section has sold copies of its critical information file, the directory, to the Experian Credit Bureau and the Direct Marketing Association (DMA). In international law, Paragraph XIV of Code 4.1, "Selling Your Personal Information to Other Agencies Because We Are Greedy, Sick Bastards" allows for credit bureaus such as Experian to purchase information from various public and private sources. Experian said that it was satisfied with its purchase and hopes to buy more intel from Section in the future. Operations, responding to critics of the plan, said that he did not see the selling of the directory as a breach of security as much as a wise business decision. "With staff cutbacks and less funding, we needed to find a way to offset operating expenses. This was the perfect solution." Operations concluded by saying that other government agencies such as the DMV sell personal information to list compliers too. After Experian received the directory, Section operatives noticed immediate results from the sale. Nikita was unable to purchase a Prada suit on her Visa� account because, as the cashier told her, the credit card company was "updating her file." Walter said that with the amount of junk mail he now receives, he has trouble finding in his mailbox the issues from his subscription to Pistol Pleasure magazine. Michael has also experienced negative outcomes from the "target marketing." "I picked up my cell phone, expecting to hear 'Jaques'...instead it was some guy trying to sell me 500 pre-addressed mailing labels," said Michael, adding, "Red Cell may not be able to find me, but those telemarketers sure can!"
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Michael Mistakenly Locks Keys in Mission Van
![]() Michael mistakenly locked the keys in the van during a mission in Redondo Beach, CA. more... Operations to Water Madeline�s Plants While She is Away It has been leaked to The Section
Times that Operations will be watering Madeline�s plants while she is away.
more...
Section Shorts for Spring! London, England--Section�s spring
collection was enthusiastically received during London�s Fashion Week.
And the buzz on the street? Those Section shorts!
Yes, the long-awaited Section shorts
are here in time for spring. For the lads, no more being chafed on missions
running in those long leather trousers! For the ladies, no more stifling
in sweat wearing those rubber-and-plastic pedal-pushers! Now operatives
can be cool and fashionable in the hottest trend of the year. Hurrah!
Ask Madeline The debut of Madeline's advice column, Dear Maddy
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Exclusive!
Pok�mon Trading Card Ends Standoff
A Pok�mon trading card has brought George and Operations back to the negotiating
table.
more...
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