Robertson VS Alana: A Feud

In four parts

1. Introduction
2. An Outline of the Main Horrors
3. Alana's Potiki Posters & her Drawings of Mrs Robertson
4. Alana's poem, her draft essay and her final essay.

Introduction

It all began in 2001 (6th form) when Alana, Andii, Butops, Kim & I were all in the same English class.

Uh oh. Whatever teacher drew the short straw and ended up with us was sure to encounter some difficulties.

Mrs Robertson must have owed someone a pretty big favour.

First I will begin with describing Mrs Robertson. She must have been at least 80 years old, and she has been a teacher since the Middle Ages, I believe. Scary. She wears a lot of purple, often cape-type-dealies, and unpleasant shoes that look like witch shoes.

Kim and I would often entertain each other by saying:
Which bootie?
WITCH BOOTIE!

I've believed for a while now that Mrs Robertson could have her own Mastercard ad.

Purple cape? $1 from Thrift Store.
Hideous shade of mauve lipstick? $5 from Farmers.
Which booty? WITCH BOOTY! Priceless.

Man, good times.

An outline of the main horrors:

Like the time Mrs Robertson started coughin' up a storm'. (Thought I'd put it into old person lingo...never mind). Butops & I were assigned to run and fetch her a glass of water. She may have been choking, but it took us at least five minutes to return back with her water and even then there was confusion (I didn't want to hand it over in case she threw up on me, Butops got the giggles).
When Kim & I decided we didn't want to do our summary, so we didn't, and attempted to just pretend we had. It went something like this:
"She's feeble and old. Let's just say we've already done it" - Kim
(Short scuffle with Mrs Robertson, where we were told in no uncertain terms to go and do it)
"Why isn't she being feeble and old?" - Kim
Our somewhat ingenious (read: stupid) way of making her think we were studying in the library, when we were really talking about everything BUT english. When someone noticed that she was coming near our table, they would finish their story and end with "said Maurice Gee". As if she would believe Maurice Gee (NZ writer) would say something like, "I know! She's such a skank! How can he even like her?"
She kept milk in her cupboard. Milk. Is that not weird? It wasn't a fridge. It would have gotten warm.
Our Macbeth play, where we all took turns playing different characters. The best moments included:
1. Me getting the giggles when Andrea got a bit too dramatic and ended up yelling at me about her breast.
2. Our fake blood - tomato sauce - just smelling rotten and turning us orange.
3. The moment in the play when Macbeth quietly talks to Lady Macbeth and ends with 'I would thou couldst' was meant to be said in a melancholy way. Alana decided instead to change it to a battle cry, punching one arm into the air and shouting it. Butops, playing Lady Macbeth, couldn't stay in the room because she knew it was coming, so she left halfway through. Alana turns to the audience and SCREAMED her slogan, then strode out of the room. The reaction was awesome - 30 people who had no idea what the hell just happened.

Then there was the artwork.

Alana's Draft Potiki Posters

Alana's Drawings of Mrs Robertson

The Journey of Pinkness

A poem she wrote about Bushfire eating marshmallows. I think she scored quite well, Mrs Robertson would always give you good marks for using metaphors.

Squishy, pink and large
One by one they enter the red head cave of doom
As they are comfortably placed into the overcrowded opening
They are squashed and claustrophobically encountoured upon one another
As the cave of pinkness becomes unbearably jammed
They fly, oh how they fly
One by one like a row of marching ants they leave their squashed experience,
and lay crumpled and alone at the feet of the torture herself.
Just laying there alone
Finally they feel all is over, but no wait!
The gargantuous flood of dribble coats them and washes them to a deserted place
where no soul will ever tread upon them
Squish. The red heads anguish stomps upon them to finish them off.
Now they lay there, squashed, dead, alone.

Potiki: A Draft Essay By Alana

This year in English we read the novel Potiki by Patricia Grace. Three topics that the writer feels were important were people�s rights, should we respect other people�s cultures, should money be more important than land/people�s values/beliefs? These issues are the basis of Potiki they created the scene, they created the plot and most importantly created the story.

Peoples rights. For years, men and women have been separated into parts. One for decisions and the other for housework. Women were never taken seriously and were unable to make important decisions. All this was changed, we now have a woman prime minister and women running the country. Peoples rights was an important issue in Potiki.

My favourite part? Potiki had nothing to do with sexism.

Potiki: An Essay By Alana

And here is the best part of the whole feud. Alana's final essay. The one that she developed from the draft. The one that she wrote, handed in, and received 30% for. You might wonder how.

In the novel we studied written by the New Zealand author Patricia Grace, Potiki. This book or �novel� deals with the �issues� of taking land special to people.Some of the issues the writer will discuss are money verse landrights, cultures, and people�s rights.

Money verse landrights.

�The land does not belong to the people, the people belong to the land�

This example shows the Maori people�s thoughts and feelings. To give land away for money is wrong when it is not your property to give. This topic of interest was shown in Potiki, when �The Dollarman� wished to buy their land. If the Maori people given in, it meant losing respect and dignity, like a pig being a sheep dog. The Maoris had no interest in money, though they could use it, they had no interest. Land was of a higher treasure. For example, pirate movies. The pirates always want the treasure but never suceed in getting any. This is the like �The bollarman� (The pirate) seeking the land (the treasure) he is persistent in getting it, but never actually does.

Culture, there are many cultures around the world. There are many in New Zealand. Culture is what makes people special and unique. It shows a bind between people. It shows how they live, their morals, their way of life. �The Dollarman� didn�t understand this. He thought land, history could be sold off for money. Although the Dollarman�s view could create jobs, scenic views and tourist attractions, it would destroy history and cherished memories. They yearned to learn about the city life but at the same time were happy with their life styles.

People�s rights. There has always been issues with rights. Women�s rights, unable to vote. The black people�s rights, forced to be slaves. The Jews, were killed.People always have the right to make a correct judgement, and have an opinion. In Potiki their opinions and judgements were not cared for. They were tossed aside like a bag of rotten onions. There were thought of as less because they did not have formal jobs. The Dollarman thought they were stupid, and that if he bothered them for long enough that they would reconsider selling up, but they didn�t. They stood by their rights, until the end. They were loyal to the land.

The write doesn�t feel racism was an �issue� in this book, more that �The Dollarman� didn�t understand their way of life. He never fully recognised that his way of living may not be the correct way or is the only way of living. He tried to bring new development and oppurtunity but failed.

In �conclusion� the writer feels that Potiki is a �book�. It concludes the equation of persistence doesn�t equal success.
There were many wrong doings by �The Dollarman�. The maoris fought for their land and ultimately they one.
What is special to you, is always more important than money. Always.

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