I would like to give my testimony. I am from Australia and I grew up in Melbourne and two years in the Gold Coast. I grew up in quite an abusive family, and I'm the only child in my family. My parents would have arguements with each other. I remember when I was six years old back in 1991, my parents had a huge arguement, and lead to screaming and shouting, I could hear it from my bedroom. Well my relatives was staying over that night too, and my parents arguement worse. My mother was running after my dad with a kitchen knife, my uncle and aunty who came to visit us, living at our place at that time, they stopped my parents fighting becoming more serious. My dad after having arguements with my mum he would get drunk and he hit me. I use to cry a lot, and wonder why my parents continue to have arguements, and I was scared. I felt lonely and I felt I had no body to talk and since I was the only child in my family, it made me feel really lonely.
In 1994 when I was 9 years old I moved to the Gold Coast with my family, and things seem to be better between my parents, and my parents and I went to church, because a neighbour who is a Christian invited us to go to their church. Life seems to be fun, I had lots of friends at school, for some reason I made quite a lot of friends which were girls, as well as guys. Some of my friends were either neighbours or down the street. We would use to hang out, or swim either at my friend's place or my place and it was almost every day. Well in 1995 when I was 10 years old, my best friend Jessica who lived down the street, we became quite close looking back. She would use to come to my house, and we would swim together in my swimming pool. Well I remember kissing her on the lips, but I didn't understand fully why I did it.
Well looking back, Satan first attack on me was pornography. Yes that's right, my first time seeing pornography was 10 years old when Jessica who was the same age as I, showed me pornography when I went to her place in her parents bed room, and she showed it to me, when she was home alone. Well pornography ended when my friend Jessica she, moved to some other place and we lost contact. But the pornography didn't end there, it came back when my dad he brought some magazines. My dad who was in a rush just left the bag of magazine on the coffee table infront of the tele, I remember so clearly even till this day. That my dad had to go out with my mum, so I was home alone. Well I was curious what was in the bag, when I pull the magazine out of the bag I realize it was pornography, and I remember secretly hiding two of the porno mag in my bed room, and when I was home alone or sometimes I would lock the door in my bed room, and pretend to my parents I am studying but was really looking at it, and feeling myself. Satan second attack on me, was related to the first attack. Which was my first homosexual experience with this guy in the same year level grade 4. At school the guy same class as I was in. We would feel each others thingy, in the boys toliet. But it stopped when he moved to some where else.
Well in 1996 my family moved back to Melbourne, that was when I was 11. My pornograhy problem got even worse, not only magazines but I found out my dad brought pornography videos. Looking back, Satan was attacking me so hard already and I was only 11 years old. Well eventually my parents found out about the pornography thing when I was 13 years old and I was in first year of high school. These two years got worse my parents relationship went even down hill, my dad cheated on my mother. My mother found out but my mum just couldn't leave my dad. I on the other had was getting teased at school bullied. The worse thing happened when I was 14 years old, while I was sleeping, one night my dad he was drunk, he came into my bed and sexually abused me. I was so scared, I didn't tell anyone about this because it was my own dad. I felt like hiding, and I became a very shy, quiet and afraid boy. Even though my family and I went to church all this time we were still blinded.
Well my pornography problem came back again because I got the Internet when I was 15 years old in 2000. This time around, I was looking at homosexual pornography. However for the first time, I knew it was wrong thing to do, but I gave in to it, for three years. I tried to get rid of this problems by myself, but I just couldn't and I was listening to Satan lies that Jesus will not forgive me of my sins, because I knew it was wrong, but I was still committing the sin. So therefore Jesus will never forgive my sins, and that's what I thought. Plus my parents fighting got worse, my dad moved out, leaving me to look after my mother.
I was so withdrawn, I was the quiet one in my classes in high school. I was afraid to open up to people, and a lot of people at church knew something was wrong with me, because they could see it on the expressions of my face. I seem sad, and quiet. My sadness got worse, and I felt so even more lonely when my mother she committed suicide on February 14th 2001 when I was 16 years old that year. I felt I had no body to talk to, and I remember on September 11th 2001 which is my birthday, while celebrating my birthday we had the tele on, and I remember switching channels and that moment, while switching the channel. We saw the first plane, second plan crash into the two towers. It made me realize life is short, and made me think of my family, my mum who committed suicide and my dad who moved out, and told me he doesn't want anything to do with me. At that moment, I burst into tears and told the people there at my 16th birthday about my suffering, and I thank God, because I invited mostly my christian friends from church.
Well even though I knew Jesus was the answer to all of my problems, my stuggles in my life I had fear, guilt, I was ashamed. I was afraid that I would stuff up. But I thank the Lord for opening my spiritual eyes last year. For some reason, I felt the Lord was talking to me through my church pastor in May last year. I was moved so much by the message and I cried at church, and I told my church pastor and my close friend my buddy Chester finally everything that has happened to me, my struggles. I was baptized last October 26th 2003. The Lord has open my eyes so much, and it's only being one year, and I see everything differently now, my problems and I can honestly say, the Lord has set me free from pornography and even though my dad still don't want anything to do with me. I am giving all my struggles to God. I still love my dad so much, no matter what he did to me in the past and to my mother. God will wake away, and the power of His love can set a person free. I finally realize God is really a loving God, tender compassionate and understand. The Only One who fully understand my anguish, who offers perfect comfort, and is able to bring supernatural healing. I come to know that resentment only builds a wall between you and the Healer and continually infecting the hurting person's inner woud and preventing healing. |
