| Funny Page Two |
| I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks would really take off! The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and exclaim: Hey, I'm Vine Man! To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody asks: Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say: Sorry, I got these sacks. I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and have a long, personal talk. After that, I'm not sure, but maybe you could throw water in his face, or light his hair on fire or something. "This is your Captain speaking. On behalf of my crew, I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602. If you look out of the windows on the left side of the plane, you will observe that both engines are on fire. If you look out the right side windows, you can see that the wing has fallen off. If you look towards the ocean you will see three people waving from a bright yellow lifeboat. That's me, the co-pilot, and one of the stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a nice flight!" Every morning, I take a series of decompression naps while monitoring the morning TV news shows to find out what the new is. Unfortunately, the morning news shows no longer show the news: They're too busy showing the crowd of people who stand around the TV studio for hours waving at the camera and holding signs that say: "HI!" Evidently these people are too stupid to operate telephones, and this is the only way they have to communicate with their families back home. -Dave Barry Jack had a near death experience that changed his life forever. One day, Jack went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not worse, Jack's foot got caught up in the stirrup. When this happened, his head hit the ground. His head continued to bounce harder and harder, and the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IF YOU GET AN OFFICE JOB: 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom (Don't disguise your voice). 3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN". 5. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 6. In the memo field of al your checks write "for sexual favors". 7. Reply to everything someone says with "That's what you think". 7. Start all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy". 8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 9. Ask people what sex they are. 10. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 11. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom". 12. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go". |
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