(Cut to a large country house sitting more, dominated by large grinning
portrait of Jeremy Thorpe. A bishop is sitting at a desk, typing. A
brigadier in full military uniform just to below the chest, then a patch of
bare midriff, with belly button showing, then a lavender tutu, incredibly
hairy leg, thick amy socks and high heels, is dictating.)
Brigadier: Dear Sir, I wish to protest in the strongest possible
terms. Yours sincerely, Brigadier N. F. Marwood-Git (retired).
Read that back, will you, Brian.
Bishop: And when he had built up Cedron, he sent Horsemen
there, and an host of footmen to the end that issuing out they
might make outroads upon the ways of Judea, as the King
commanded them...
Brigadier: Good! Pop it in an envelope and bung it off! It's no good
bottling these things up, Brian. If you feel them you must say them
or you'll just go mad...
Bishop: Oh yes indeed ... as the book of Maccabee said ... as the flea is
like unto an oxen, so is the privet hedge liken unto a botanist black
in thy sight, O Lord!
Brigadier: Quite... Look why don't you just nip out for lunch, Brian...
Bishop: Yea ... as Raymond Chandler said, it was one of those days
when Los Angeles felt like a rock-hard fig.
Brigadier: Brian, let's stop this pretending, shall we.
Bishop: Oh... yea... as Dirk Bogarde said in his autobiography...
Brigadier: Brian... let's stop all this futile pretence... I've... I've
always been moderately fond of you...
Bishop: Well to be quite frank, Brigadier ... one can't walk so closely
with a chap like you for... for so long without... feeling
something deep down inside, even if it isn't anything... anything
... very much.
Brigadier: Well, splendid... Brian... er... well I don't suppose there's
much we can do, really.
Bishop: Not on television ... no...
Brigadier: No... they ... they are a lot more permissive these days than
they used to be...
Bishop: Ah yes... but not with this sort of thing...
Brigadier: No ... I suppose they've ... got to draw the line
somewhere...
Bishop: Yes...
Brigadier: Well take a letter, Brian. Dear Sir, I wish to protest...
(Cut to an animation sketch.)
Series 4 Scripts