Monty Python Scripts

Cut to Epsom racecourse, and a presenter, Brian MacThighbone, up against the paddock rail.

CAPTION: Live from Epsom

Brian (Eric)

Good afternoon. Well in fact there's still a few minutes to go before the main race onthe card this afternoon - the Queen Victoria Handicap. So let's have a quick word with the winner of the last race, one of the season's top jockeys - Ronnie Mau-Mau. (a jockey's cap comes into shot, which is all we ever see of him) Good afternoon, Ronnie.

First Jockey (Michael)

Good afternoon, Brian.

Brian

(pointing his stick-mike down) A very fine ride there, Ronnie.

First Jockey

Well, a fine horse, Brian. You know you can't go wrong.

Brian

Do you fancy your chances for the Derby?

First Jockey

(vigorously nodding) Oh very definitely, very definitely, indeed, certainly Brian.

Brian

Well, let's just see if a colleague of yours agrees with that. Let's just have a quick word with Desmond Willet. Afternoon Des.

Another different silk hat comes into the bottom of frame. Again all we see is the jockey's cap.

Second Jockey (Graham)

(Irish accent) Afternoon, Brian. (he shakes his head) No chance, no chance at all.

First Jockey

(nodding vigorously) No, no I think you're wrong there, Des, with the right kind of going, he's going to be in there at the finish, Des.

Second Jockey

(shaking vigorously) No chance, there's no chance.

Brian

Well in fact I can see last season's top jockey, Johnny Knowles. (two caps move over) Good afternoon, Johnny.

Pause. Not even a cap is seen.

Third Jockey (?)

(faintly) Hello, Brian.

Brian

Er, could we have a box for Johnny, please. (a cap comes into sight) Thank you.

Third Jockey

Hello, Brian

Brian

That's better. Well there you are. Three very well known faces from the racing world. Thanks very much for coming along this afternoon, lads.

First Jockey, Second Jockey and Third Jockey

Not at all. (vigorous nodding of caps)

Brian

And best wishes for the Derby.

First Jockey, Second Jockey and Third Jockey

Ah, thank you Brian, thanks very much. (they leave nodding)

Brian

Well in fact I hear they're ready for us now at the start of the main race this afternoon. So let's go right away and join Peter at the start.

Continue on to the next sketch...