(Cut to an interview set.)
Interviewer: The Magna Cana - was it a document signed at
Runnymede in 1215 by King John pledging independence to the
English barons, or was it a piece of chewing gum on a bedspread
in Dorset? The latter idea is the brainchild of a man new to the
field of historical research. Mr Badger, why - why are you on this
programme?
(Pull back to show Mr Badger. He wears a flat cap and has a Scots
accent)
Badger: (EalC) Well, I think I can answer this question most successfully
in mime. (mimes incomprehensibly)
Interviewer: But why Dorset?
Badger: Well, I have for a long time been suffering from a species of
brain injury which I incurred during the rigours of childbirth, and
I'd like to conclude by putting my finger up my nose.
Interviewer: Mr Badger, I think you're the silliest person we've ever had
on this programme, and so I'm going to ask you to have dinner
with me.
CAPTION: 'LATER THE SAME SKETCH'
(Cut to them sitting at a restaurant table.)
Badger: My wife Maureen ran off with a bottle of Bell's whisky during
the Aberdeen versus Raith Rovers match which ended in a goalless
draw. Robson particularly, in goal, had a magnificent first half, his
fine positional sense preventing the build-up of any severe pressure
on the suspect Aberdeen defence. McLoughlan missed an easy
chance to clinch the game towards the final whistle but Raith must
be well satisfied with their point.
Interviewer: Do please go on. This is the least fascinating conversation
I've ever had.
(A waiter comes in.)
Waiter: Would you like to order sir?
Interviewer: Yes, Mr Badger, what .would you like to start with?
Badger: Er, I'll have a whisky to start with.
Waiter: For first course, sir?
Badger: Aye.
Waiter: And for main course, sir?
Badger: I'll have a whisky for main course and I'll follow that with a
whisky for pudding.
Waiter: Yes sir, and what would you like with it, sir? A whisky?
Badger: No, a bottle of wine.
Waiter: Fine, sir, he said between clenched teeth knowing full well it was
a most unrewarding part.
Interviewer: This is the silliest sketch I've ever been in.
Badger: Shall we stop it?
Interviewer: Yeah, all right. (they get up and walk out)
CAPTION: 'THE END'