(Sketch continues on from 'Mary Recruitment Office'. Cut to a bus set. There is
a very bad backcloth of ihe interior of the top
deck of a bus. It looks like the set for a rather tatty revue. On the cut Mr
Man is standing in exactly the same place as he was - so that it looks as
if the scene has changed around him. The RSM appears from one side.
He is still dressed basicalbt as an RSM but has a few bus conductor ,
things such as a ticket machine, money satchel and a big arrow through
his neck. He talks like a music-hall comedian.)
RSM: Any more fires please? I've got a chauffeur and every time I go to
the lavatory he drives me potty! Boom-boom! One in a row (sings)
I'm not unusual. I'm just...
Mr Man: Fivepenny please.
RSM: Five beautiful pennies going in to the bag... and you are the lucky �
winner of... one fivepenny ticket! (hands him a ticket) What's the
Welshman doing under the bed? He's having a leak! Oh they're all
in here tonight. (brief film dip of audience laughing)
Mr Man: Look!
RSM: I am looking - it's the only way I keep my eyelids apart!
Boom-boom! Every one a Maserati!
Mr Man: Look! You said I was going to be a funny passenger.
RSM: (snapping out of music-hall manner) What do you mean?
Mr Man: I mean, all I said was, fivepenny please, You can't call that a
funny line.
RSM: Well it's the way you said it.
Mr Man: No it isn't. Nobody can say 'fivepenny please' and make it funny.
(Cut to vox pop of city gent in a busy street.)
Series 3 Scripts