Monty Python Scripts

(An important-looking current affairs set. On the back wall behind the presenter huge letters say: 'World Forum')

Presenter (Eric Idle): Good evening. Tonight is indeed a unique occasion in the history of television. We are very privileged, and deeply honoured to have with us in the studio, Karl Marx, founder of modern socialism, and author of the 'Communist Manifesto'. (Karl Marx is sitting at a desk; he nods) Vladimir Ilich Ulyanov, better known to the world as Lenin, leader of the Russian Revolution, writer, statesman, and father of modern communism. (shot of Lenin also at desk; he nods)

Che Guevara, the Cuban guerrilla leader. (shot of Guevara)

And Mao Tse-tung, leader of the Chinese Communist Party since 1949. (shot of Mao)

(The presenter picks up a card) And the first question is for you, Karl Marx. The Hammers - the Hammers is the nickname of what English football team? 'the Hammers? (shot of Karl Marx furrowing his brow- obviously he hasn't a clue) No? Well bad luck there, Karl. So we'll go onto you Che. Che Guevara - Coventry City last won the FA Cup in what year? (cut to Che looking equally dumbfounded) No? I'll throw it open. Coventry City last won the FA Cup in what year? (they all look blank) No? Well, I'm not surprised you didn't get that. It was in fact a trick question. Coventry City have never won the FA Cup.

So with the scores all equal now we go onto our second round, and Lenin it's your starter for ten. Teddy Johnson and Pearl Carr won the Eurovision Song Contest in 1959. What was the name of the song? ... Teddy Johnson and Pearl Carr's song in the 1959 Eurovision Song Contest? Anybody? (buzzer goes as in 'University Challenge'.' zoom in on Mao Tse-tung) Yes, Mao Tse-tung?

Mao Tse-tung: 'Sing Little Birdie'?

Presenter: Yes it was indeed. Well challenged. (applause) Well now we come on to our special gift section. The contestant is Karl Marx and the prize this week is a beautiful lounge suite. (curtains behind the presenter sweep open to reveal a beautiful lounge suite; terrific audience applause; Karl comes out and stands in front of this display) Now Karl has elected to, answer questions on the workers' control of factories so here we go with question number one. Are you nervous? (Karl nods his head; the presenter reads from a card)

The development of the industrial proletariat is conditioned by what other development?

Karl: The development of the industrial bourgeoisie.

(applause)

Presenter: Yes, yes, it is indeed. You're on your way to the lounge suite, Karl. Question number two. The struggle of class against class is a what struggle? A what struggle?

Karl: A political struggle.

(Tumultuous applause.)

Presenter: Yes, yes! One final question Karl and the beautiful lounge suite will be yours... Are you going to have a go? (Karl nods) You're a brave man. Karl Marx, your final question, who won the Cup Final in 1949?

Karl: The workers' control of the means of production? The struggle of the urban proletariat?

Presenter: No. It was in fact, Wolverhampton Wanderers who beat Leicester 3-1.

(Cut to stock film of goal bring scored in a big football match. Roar from crowd. Stock footage of football crowds cheering.)

Voice Over: and CAPTION: 'IN "WORLD FORUM" TODAY: KARL MARX, CHE GUEVARA, LENIN AND MAO TSE-TUNG. NEXT WEEK, FOUR LEADING HEADS OF STATE OF THE AFRO-ASIAN NATIONS AGAINST BRISTOL ROVERS AT MOLINEUX'