(Cut to interviewer at desk.)
Interviewer: Next week we'll be showing you how to pick up an architect,
how to pull a prime minister, and how to have fun with a wholesale
poulterer. But now the men of the Derbyshire Light Infantry
entertain us with a precision display of bad temper.
Voice Over: Attention
(Eight soldiers in two ranks of four, They halt, and start to chant with precision.)
Soldiers: bly goodness me, I am in a bad temper today all right, two,
three, damn, damn, two, three, I am vexed and ratty. (shake fists)
Two, three, and hopping mad. (stamp feet)
(Cut to interviewer.)
Interviewer: And next the men of the Second Armoured Division regale
us with their famous close order swanning about.
(Cut to sergeant with eight soldiers.)
Sergeant: Squad. Camp it ... up!
Soldiers: (mincing in unison) Oooh get her! Whoops! I've got your number
ducky. You couldn't afford me, dear. Two three. I'd scratch your
eyes out. Don't come the brigadier bit with us, dear, we all know
where you've been, you military fairy. Whoops, don't look now girls
the major's just minced in with that dolly colour sergeant, two,
'three, ooh-ho!
(Cut to interviewer.)
Interviewer: And finally...
(ANIMATION: dancing generals, man shooting an eyeball out of
his head, bus stop, and then the story of the killer cars.)
Series 2 Scripts