Monty Python Scripts

COMPÈRE

Eric Idle

The sketch:

(Quiz show set-up. Two contestants either side, compere in the middle. On the back wall in large letten it says 'It's a living'. Music plays brightly. Track quickly into compi're, losing contestants, as he starts his quick spiel. CAPTION: 'IT'S A LIVING')

Compere: Hello, good evening, and welcome to 'It's A Living'. The rules are very simple: each week we get a large fee; at the end of that week we get another large fee; if there's been no interruption at the end of the year we get a repeat fee which can be added on for tax purposes to the previous year or the following year if there's no new series. Every contestant, in addition to getting a large fee is entided to three drinks at the BBC or if the show is over, seven drinks - unless he is an MP, in which case he can have seven drinks before the show, or a bishop only three drinks in toto. The winners will receive an additional fee, a prize which they can flog back and a special fee for a guest appearance on 'Late Night Line Up'. Well, those are the rules, that's the game, we'll be back again same time next week. Till then. Bye-bye.

(Cut to BBC world symbol.)