(A school hall with a stage. Mr Praline and Brooky enter. Praline sits at
piano and plays something very badly; Brooky turns the pages for him.
Music ends. Unseen schoolmaster announcer:)
Schoolmaster: 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers'. (slight applause)
(The curtain pans. Enter headmaster in mortar board and gown.)
Headmaster: 'Tis time the seven Smith brothers had brides.
Fetch me Smith Major.
(Enter Smith Major in short pants.)
First Smith: Sir.
Headmaster: 'Tis time you and your six brothers were married.
First Smith: Thank you, Headmaster.
Headmaster: Fetch me your six brothers, that the seven brothers may be together.
(Smith Major rings handbell. Three bays enter and stand next to him.)
Boys: Behold, the seven brothers.
Headmaster: Right, I'll see Watson, Wilkins, and Spratt in my study
afterwards.
First Smith: (has to be prompted, then declaims badly) But where shall we
find seven brides for seven brothers?
Second Smith: The Sabine School for Girls.
Third Smith: Yes, and it's the Annual Dance.
Headmaster: Fetch hither the seven brides for seven brothers.
(Enter two schoolgirls.)
Two Girls: Behold the seven brides.
Headmaster: Fetch hither the padre that the seven brides may marry the
seven brothers. (nothing happens) Fetch hither the master on duty
that the seven brides may marry the seven brothers.
Padre: (entering) Sorry, I'm late, Headmaster - I've been
wrestling with Plato.
Headmaster: What you do in your own time, Padre, is written on the wall
in the vestry.
Padre: Right, do you four boys take these two girls to be your seven
brides?
Boys: Yes, sir.
Padre: Right, go and do your prep.
(The curtain comes across quickly.)
Series 2 Scripts