(A working-class lounge is
arranged on the pavement. There are no walls, just the furnishings:
settee, two armchairs, sideboard, table, standard lamp, a tiled fireplace
with ornaments on it. There is also a free-standing inside door. Mr and
Mrs Potter come out of the cinema and go straight to their chairs and sit
down. Passers-by have to skirt the living-room furniture.)
Mrs Potter: (settling into her chair) Oh, it's nice to be home.
Mr Potter: (looking round) Builders haven't been then.
Mrs Potter: No.
(A trendy interviewer with hand mike comes into shot.)
Interviewer: These two old people are typical of the housing
problem facing Britain's aged.
Mrs Potter: Here! Don't you start doing a documentary on us, young man.
Interviewer: Oh please ...
Mrs Potter: No, you leave us alone!
Interviewer: Oh, just a little one about the appalling conditions under
which you live.
Mrs Potter: No! Get out of our house! Go on!
(Interviewer turns, motions to his cameraman and soundman and they all trail off miserably)
Cameraman: Oh all fight. Come on, George, pick it up.
Mrs Potter: Why don't you do a documentary about the drug problem
round in Walton Street?
(Cut to the camera crew. They stop, turn and mutter 'a drug problem!' and they dash off.)
Mrs Potter: Oh, I'll go and have a bath.
(She goes to the free-standing door and opens it. Beyond it we see the
furnishings of a bathroom. In the bath is Alfred Lord Tennyson, fully
clad As she opens the door we hear him reding...
Series 2 Scripts