(The background changes to blow-up of a fish
tank. The adman is sitting at a desk. He pulls a goldfish bowl over.)
Adman: Well last week on Fish Club we learnt how to sex a pike... and
this week we're going to learn how to feed a goldfish. Now
contrary to what most people think the goldfish has a ravenous
appetite. If it doesn't get enough protein it gets very thin and its
bones begin to stick out and its fins start to fall off. So once a
week give your goldfish a really good meal. Here's one specially
recommended by the Board of Irresponsible People. First, some
cold consomme or a gazpacho (pours it in), then some sausages
with spring greens, sautee potatoes and bread and gravy.
(He tips all this into the bowl. An RSPCA man rushes in, grabs the man and hauls him off.)
RSPCA Man: All right, come on, that's enough, that's enough.
Adman: ... treacle tan... chocolate cake and...
Voice Over: (and caption on screen) 'THE RSPCA WISH IT TO BE KNOWN
THAT THAT MAN WAS NOT A BONA FIDE ANIMAL LOVER, AND
ALSO THAT GOLDFISH DO NOT EAT SAUSAGES. (the man is still
shouting) SHUT UP! THEY ARE QUITE HAPPY WITH
BREADCRUMBS, ANTS' EGGS AND ,THE OCCASIONAL
PHEASANT... '
(The last four words are crossed out on the caption.)
Voice Over: Who wrote that?
Series 2 Scripts