Friday 17 October 2003

It's been almost three weeks since my last journal entry. True, I've been adding to the website... working on my NFL picks and star charts for Wisconsin Skies, but so far as my story is concerned here I've had a bit of a writer's block. I've sat down in front of this computer the past three days and nothing more than a paragraph at a time came out... each an attempted excuse for not writing.

I've a tendency to fall out of communication when I don't feel proud at all. Indeed, by this time I'd hoped to have something positive to say, some personal triumph to share. Instead I've been feeling like I did when I was in middle school and didn't get my homework done for a month, then getting caught by Mom and Dad with bad grades. There's so much to do that it's difficult getting started. Another "forest for the trees" sort of thing.

I've started saying my goodbyes. Two weeks ago I felt strong enough and safe enough to finally go back to Holmen High School. I attended their homecoming football game. I ran into three teachers there... two of whom, Doug and Anne, I was very happy to see. I also ran into my ex-department head, the one who laughed about my death threat. His conversation was chiefly concerned with whether APAC would be a decent place for him to pick up some part-time cash after basketball season is finished.

Naturally, I also spoke with plenty of former students and received a bevy of hugs and handshakes. There were many I wished to see but didn't, and felt like kicking myself that I didn't wait by the locker room after the game to see those who were on the field (most notably Jeremy and Matt). Still, I was happy I went and surprised by a couple of the student hugs... I didn't know they cared as much as they did.

Continue...