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24/December/2007 - 31/December/2007 A party will be held in the park on New Year's Eve. The gun club will be having a fireworks display to mark the new year. One of their members made the fireworks himself. Each one is contained within a jam jar. A clay pigeon launcher will be used to send the jam jars into the sky, and while they're airborne they'll be shot by members of the gun club. A small battery operated light will be attached to each jam jar so they'll be visible in the night sky, and then they'll be visible from miles away when they explode after being shot. The man who made the fireworks is the man who keeps talking to his hand. 17/December/2007 - 24/December/2007 A cardboard head contest takes place in the Town Hall on Saturday afternoon. Only one head is allowed per contestant, unless you have two real heads, as happened in 1988 when the thing on Flipper Hanrahan's shoulder was deemed to be a head by the doctor officiating at the event. It was pointed out that this 'head' had buttons for eyes, but the doctor said he'd often come across patients who had buttons for eyes, and some of them had noses that tasted of dark chocolate. This doctor was later deemed to be Itchy Mulcahy by the man who lives under the bridge. The Youth Club will be going carol singing on Christmas Eve. They insist that this year their wheelbarrow won't contain a drunk Elvis in a Santa suit. They say that people will just have to wait to see what's in their wheelbarrow, but whatever it is, it won't smell as bad as the drunk Elvis. 10/December/2007 - 17/December/2007 Winnie the Budgehog will be performing in the Lingua Pingu Theatre on Thursday evening. She does impressions of imaginary animals, such as the ratcat, which is always trying to kill itself, and the slow-motion ferret, which is self-explanatory. A spokesperson for the theatre said that the pantomime is expected to begin again on Saturday. No one attended a matinee performance last Friday, and the actors wandered out of the theatre. They were rounded up by a farmer, who herded them into a shed, where they've been performing the pantomime in front of an audience of cows. The farmer says that they're much happier in the shed because it's a more authentic Christmas experience. The theatre's director hopes to lure the actors away with cheese. 3/December/2007 - 10/December/2007 A human statue contest will take place in the park on Saturday afternoon. Contestants have to stay completely still for three hours. Points will be deducted for every movement. Points will be awarded for the costume and for the pose. Pick-pockets and people with feathers will be amongst the on-lookers, and they'll try to make the contestants move. The rules have been changed since last year, when Giddy Hammer brought his brother, who was unconscious in a wheel barrow. His brother won the contest because no points were deducted for movement. Giddy made sure that all of the other contestants moved. He had something unidentifiable in a plastic bag, and the smell from it made many people get sick. Twenty points will be deducted for getting sick. 26/November/2007 - 3/December/2007 Billy Humloff is a singing, dancing chimney sweep, and he'll be performing all around the town this week. He gets a monkey to do most of the work. The monkey is dressed as Santa, but it doesn't take long for the red to disappear beneath a layer of soot, which some people find disturbing. The annual turkey race will take place on Sunday afternoon. The route will take the turkeys all over the town. The competitors have been in training for months. The stakes are high because the losing turkeys will taste weak on Christmas Day. 19/November/2007 - 26/November/2007 The band known as 'Read Thru and Ding Aling' have had to change their name again. The local bell ringers claim they've been calling themselves Ding Aling since 1983. The bell ringers have staged protests at gigs by Read Thru and Ding Aling, who are now Read Thru and Zed Leprechaun. Some of these protests have descended into violence. Many members of the audience have resisted the temptation to join in the fight because the sound it made was so beautiful. It was described as a cacophony of bells. This has inspired the bell ringers to start a band of their own, and they've already got a record deal. They recreate the fight on the stage. On Friday afternoon, Read Thru and Zed Leprechaun will be playing in Drumpanzee's record store to launch their new single, 'Fade to Great', from the album 'Laser-Guided Loser'. 12/November/2007 - 19/November/2007 The Mayor will be turning on the Christmas lights in the park on Friday evening. Batman will be making an appearance. He'll be standing in for Santa, who's refusing to come because of an incident last year when someone threatened to take his sack unless he paid for the damage he caused to a pool table. Glen Calmkill and his big band will be playing in Brainey D'Fawn's casino on Saturday night. Glen will be playing songs from his Christmas album, The Bleeping of Bouncey Aristogut. 5/November/2007 - 12/November/2007 Duffy Hogan-Mardeley will be giving a lecture on astronomy in the Town Hall on Tuesday evening. He'll be signing copies of his new book, which combines his twin loves of astronomy and spying on people through a telescope. The book is called 'Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you wear'. A model ship contest will take place at the pond in the park on Saturday afternoon. Ships will be eliminated unless they can stay afloat with Jumpy Keneally's singing dog on board. Last year's winning entry had tiny drunken sailors fighting on the deck. Jumpy Keneally's dog sang The Fields of Athenry in its entirety while floating around the pond on that ship. 29/October/2007 - 5/November/2007 Mizzenwood's first Country Music Awards will be held in Brainey D'Fawn's casino on Friday night. There's a burgeoning country music scene in Mizzenwood, ever since Billy Hooly and the Peliguns had a minor hit with 'I Like to Ride my Tractor'. The song is basically just a list of all the things he likes to ride. It goes on for over ten minutes. As part of the Halloween celebrations, the youth club will be dresssing in identical Easter bunny costumes for their annual trick-or-treat outing. A local councillor has objected to this. He says they're too old for trick-or-treating, and that they might as well be wearing balaclavas, but the leader of the youth club insisted that they'd be entering into the spirit of the occasion. 22/October/2007 - 29/October/2007 Auditions for the Christmas pantomime will take place in the Lingua Pingu Theatre on Saturday morning. This year's pantomime is Uncle Vanya by Chekhov. The director is Steve Sling-Laundry. He insists that they can produce a pantomime that's faithful to Chekhov's intentions. The custard pie fight will be handled with sensitivity. He's also taken characters from other Chekhov plays and stories and transformed them into Cinderella, Pinochio and Officer Tackleberry from the Police Academy films. A perfromance artist called Deep Uncle Transitlag will be appearing in the Young Ledwing-Glass Memorial Gallery on Friday night. Mr. Transitlag changed his name to 'Deep Uncle' when he started performing. His performance goes on for over two hours. He spends this time deciding which pig he's going to eat. 15/October/2007 - 22/October/2007 Italian classes begin in the community centre on Tuesday evening. These are not to be confused with the Italics classes that begin next week. The teacher says he's appalled by the idea of students learning common phrases, such as 'Can you tell me how to get to the train station?'. He teaches his students uncommon phrases, such as ' My head just fell off', or 'Which one of my toes is yours?'. He seems to be unaware of the fact that 'My head just fell off' isn't all that uncommon in Mizzenwood. Strikey Leary has certainly said it, but thanks to quick thinking by a vet, he can now add 'but I'm alright now'. On Sunday afternoon, a cake sale will take place in the community centre to raise money for the construction of a giant biscuit. Olivia Sleeve had a vision of the biscuit in a dream. The giant kitten she dreamt of last year turned out to be a great tourist attraction when it was built near the brewery. 8/October/2007 - 15/October/2007 An exhibition of photographs by Drew Mollgarden will get underway in the art gallery on Tuesday. All of the photos feature poodles in cathedrals. He says the show is a reflection of his wide-ranging interests. The photos were taken in cathedrals all over the world. He was forced to leave the country because of a threat from a postman called Bulgey. The wives of postmen is another one of his hobbies. A pig fancy dress party will be held in Bally Cambell's shed on Thursday night. He hopes it'll be a more uplifting experience than the funky drunk contest he held in his shed last year, which turned out to be a depressing occasion for all concerned. 1/October/2007 - 8/October/2007 On Saturday night, the hurling team will be having a party in the leisure centre to celebrate the recovery of their half-forward line from a 'magic' mountain. They say they were lured to the mountain in the middle of a match by the sound of a flute. They met a small man in a black suit who offered them drinks. Their coach had warned them about taking drinks from strangers (only the team's trainer was allowed to administer alcohol during a game) but they thought it would be rude to refuse. They had been missing for three months, but they say it felt like three days. The coach says that if a player asks to leave the field of play during a game in the future, their excuse will have to be better than 'We just want to go up that mountain'. 24/September/2007 - 1/October/2007 Bramley Tankboxer has organised a fashion show for his wig shop on Thursday evening. He's hired local people to model his wigs. Bramley has managed to keep the shop going for nearly five years. Most of his customers are people who want to hide. You can spot one of Bramley's wigs from over a hundred yards, so the people who want to hide will stand out, but the wigs will conceal your identity. There could be as many as ten people on a street wearing the wigs, which confuses predators. Wearing a wig is like seeking the protection of a herd. Ketchy Catchy and the Dull Thuddards will be playing a gig in Standy Parsons Nightclub on Friday night. 17/September/2007 - 24/September/2007 A rapper called Carlow B. Dinglutt will be performing in the school on Wednesday afternoon. Carlow raps to a monkey. He tries to explain the world in a way that the monkey would understand. There's an educational value to his raps, although some people claim that the monkey is a bad role model for kids because instead of listening to Carlow he spends his time picking fleas from his head and eating them. The school's principle said, "Of course I want the kids to learn about global warming and international politics, but if even one child learns how to pick the fleas from his own head, I'll feel as if my job is done." 10/September/2007 - 17/September/2007 Brainey D'Fawn has organised blind speed dating for his casino on Saturday night. Everyone has to wear blindfolds to avoid the prejudice of physical appearances getting in the way of a great night out, or a great night in, which may well lead to a lifetime together. He'll also provide dark glasses if the couple want to leave together and sustain an illusion at least until the following morning. The Historical Society are organising a series of events over the weekend. They refuse to reveal the locations or the nature of these events. All they'll say is that some will go 'shh', some will go 'boom' and some will go 'boing'. 3/September/2007 - 10/September/2007 The Stayers Club are holding their Annual General Meeting this week. Staying is an activity that goes back to ancient Egypt. They choose a place to stay and they remain there for weeks or months, smoking cigarettes, drinking cocktails and delivering witty put-downs with the precision of a brain surgeon. Most of them have been in a phone booth since March. Others have been on the roof of the pharmacy. Their AGM will take place outside the petrol station at midnight on Thursday. Professor Slughat will be displaying his mouse-navigated kites in the park on Saturday afternoon. The kites are the result of years of research and experimentation. 27/August/2007 - 3/September/2007 An owl-smelling contest will begin in the woods at midnight on Tuesday. No further details of the contest have been given. There will be a party in the Town Hall on Thursday evening to welcome the Time Travelling Club back from the year 1748. The bird-watchers claim to have seen the time-travellers hiding in a tent in the woods, where they were spending their time drinking and crying. 20/August/2007 - 27/August/2007 Members of the bird-watching club have given up watching birds because there are so few species in the area, which is partly due to the success of the gun club. They've started watching people instead. They've been trying for weeks to catch a glimpse of the poachers who only come out at night. Some bird-watchers have been studying the behaviour of people in white shirts who make speeches even if there's no one there to hear them. One of these creatures was seen making a speech on a rock in the middle of a stream through the woods. The Toddwallerdens can also be seen in the woods. You can identify them by their long necks, their dance and their elaborate hats. The bird-watchers have also been observing women, purely in the interests of science. The Youth Club will be setting an old bus on fire on Friday evening, also in the interests of science. 13/August/2007 - 20/August/2007 A nurse will be looking at people in the Town Hall on Tuesday evening. The last time she looked at people, a man's hat caught fire because of the intensity of her gaze. The local Dickens Society will be recreating scenes from The Pickwick Papers in the park on Sunday afternoon. They'll also be doing a scene from CSI: Miami just to draw in the crowds. 6/August/2007 - 13/August/2007 The band formerly known as 'Read Thru and Knee Jerk', and more recently known as 'Read Thru and Bleed Cocaine', have changed their name again for the release of their latest album. They're now known as 'Read Thru and Ding Aling'. They'll be playing songs from their album, 'Laser-Guided Loser', in the Lingua Pingu Theatre on Thursday evening. 30/July/2007 - 6/August/2007 Grey Mulhidden will be giving a lecture on local history in the Town Hall on Wednesday evening. He denies claims that his fear of monkeys has influenced his theories. He says he has documentation to prove that monkeys were able to build and operate catapults in the 18th century. A counting competition takes place in a field outside the town on Saturday afternoon. You have to bring along what you're going to count. Amongst the things counted last year were buttons, sheep and mannequins. Fingers will only be allowed if you have an irregular amount of fingers and if you can demonstrate that you can't remember this fact. 23/July/2007 - 30/July/2007 Sohabella Neehowdello will be giving a poetry reading in the art gallery on Wednesday evening. If you sit in the front row, you will be hit with a dead turkey. A dance contest takes place in Standy Parsons nightclub on Friday night. To avoid offending anyone, the word 'dance' had been removed from the title and replaced with 'movement'. Contestants will be required to interpret a piece of music through the means of movement. The music will be chosen by the judges. They may ask contestants to explain their interpretation. They say that if you're explanation contains expletives, then you shouldn't be saying it with movement either. 16/July/2007 - 23/July/2007 Druids from all over the country will be arriving in Mizzenwood this week. Every year in late July they come here for two weeks to perform a ceremony at an ancient monument just outside the town. The monument is a mound of earth with a cave, but some people say it's just a hole in a hill. In recent years, a festival has developed around the event. All sorts of performers will be congregating in the town, from theatre groups to fire eaters. 9/July/2007 - 16/July/2007 Dane Zirgoddle will be performing in Brainey D'Fawn's casino on Thursday night. Dane is a hypnotist who hypnotises the entire audience at the start of the show. He then puts dolls on the stage, and the audience, in their state of trance, will see a play. Each person will see something different. Dane says it's fascinating to see the way people react. Some will laugh, some will cry, and some leave the theatre, go to the nearest field and live as a scarecrow. This latter course of action may well be followed by Sludge Kennedy, who's been working as a scarecrow since he was seventeen. Cookery classes will begin in the town hall on Tuesday evening. All those wishing to enroll are asked to note that the teacher has an imaginary pet spider. 2/July/2007 - 9/July/2007 Lynn Baggelpop's Ballet Extravaganza comes to The Lingua Pingu Theatre on Tuesday evening. Lynn has denied claims that all of the ballerinas are ostriches. She told us that the show's critics are guilty of a gross exageration when they say that the ballerinas never dance; that they just fight with the audience. She insists that people shouldn't come along if they think they'll get a chance to fight with an ostrich. Burkey Linkotterbreak will be conning people with his card tricks in Brainey D'Fawn's casino on Wednesday evening. He made over five-thousand euros on his last visit to Mizzenwood. 25/June/2007 - 2/July/2007 The Young Ledwing-Glass Memorial Gallery are launching a photography competition. A selection of the best entries will be displayed in an exhibition. They say they won't display anything that makes people physically sick, unless there's an artistic reason for it. The No-Yes-No's will be playing in the Alcehole Bar on Friday night. Their lead singer recently climbed the Amazon to raise awareness of global warming. 18/June/2007 - 25/June/2007 A dog show will take place in the sports centre on Saturday afternoon. The organisers have taken a unique interpretation of anti-discrimination laws, and they've allowed all animals to enter, but they'll all be judged as dogs. One of Mizzenwood's leading dog trainers, Maybe Hays, has recently purchased Shetland Ponies. We asked Maybe if he'd be showing his ponies at the dog show. He said, "Shitland. It's shitland. That's all I have to say on the matter." 11/June/2007 - 18/June/2007 Olivia Sleeve will be the guide for a nature walk in the woods on Saturday afternoon. She says that people shouldn't come along if they just want to see her shooting hippies. That's also what she said about her writing class. The Frisbee World Champion will be wearing huge blue boots in the park on Sunday. 4/June/2007 - 11/June/2007 The West Kerry Symphony Orchestra will be playing in the Lingua Pingu Theatre on Wednesday evening. It's part of a national tour in which they've played in concert halls and sheds, and been chased out of towns by men who've lost brain cells and teeth to something they were dared to drink. We asked the orchestra's conductor if he was looking forward to playing in Mizzenwood. He says he's been crying a lot recently. 28/May/2007 - 4/June/2007 Brainey D'Fawn is holding a ball in his casino on Friday evening. Music will be provided by Betty and the Bull-thuds. Brainey says he'll have a sniffer dog at the door to make sure that people have washed themselves in the past week. Anything that needs to be disinfected should be done so at least a day in advance to let the smell of the disinfectant fade away. 21/May/2007 - 28/May/2007 The mayor will officially open the film festival in the cinema on Tuesday evening. Many locally produced short films will be shown. Itchy Mulcahy's film is called 'Know in the Dark'. It's about his search for truth and what he found in himself, or on himself. The original title of the film was 'Thunderwear'. An art exhitibion by Fidelma Pelican will open in the Young Ledwing-Glass Memorial Gallery on Thursday evening. Every painting is called 'Insects choking my eyes'. When we asked her about this title she said, "That's what it feels like when I look at my own art. It's a powerful comment on our society." 14/May/2007 - 21/May/2007 Miranda Dimling-Proe will be reading extracts from her latest novel in the library on Thursday morning. The book is called 'Here's one I made earlier'. It's based on her experience as an undertaker. She refuses to answer questions about what exactly she was undertaking. Berry Bignew and The Whistle-Stop-Tour-of-Clares will be playing in Standy Parsons Nightclub on Friday night. Their bass player recently discovered he was twins. 7/May/2007 - 14/May/2007 Brainey D'Fawn will be holding a bingo night in his casino every Thursday. He's hoping to attract women and people who like sexist jokes. The bingo caller will be Dave 'Bongo' Tocksmoate. Bongo has been practising by conducting religious ceremonies in the woods late at night. A hair dressing contest takes place in the Town Hall on Saturday afternoon. Animals can be used as models, as long as they're not drugged, and as long as the hair style doesn't demean them. The contestants are free to demean human models, who are free to use drugs. 30/April/2007 - 7/May/2007 A play called 'Professor Rummwater' begins in the Lingua Pingu Theatre on Tuesday night. It's about a professor who invents a jacket that makes him irresistable to the opposite sex. It also makes him say the word 'vomit' at the wrong time. This sets him on a quest to find an attractive deaf woman. The professor will be played by one of Mizzenwood's most promising young actors, Clunt Eastwood. A band called The Bee-Waiters will be playing in Standy Parsons Nightclub on Thursday night. The gig is part of an Irish tour that's seen them play in nightclubs, sheds, caravans and while hiding in an attic. They'll be performing songs from their latest album, 'We are not The Bee-Wetters'. 23/April/2007 - 30/April/2007 A dance contest judging contest will take place in Standy Parsons Nightclub on Saturday night. A woman will be dancing for two hours and contestants will be required to judge her during that time. The judge of the judging contest will be the winner of the dance contest judging contest judging contest, which will take place in Brainey D'Fawn's casino on the previous night. To save time, the winner of this contest will be the person who can balance a squirrel on his or her head for the longest. The winner of a recent squirrel-balancing contest is expected to win. 16/April/2007 - 23/April/2007 The annual weather forecasting championships get underway today. The winner will be crowned in two weeks time, after many gruelling days of forecasting. Last year's champion has been training by forecasting sheep. He says he can do it with a margin of error of just two percent. Brainey D'Fawn will be leading an expedition to follow the badgers on Saturday night. He says they know where the aliens are. 9/April/2007 - 16/April/2007 Mizzenwood Athletic will spend Saturday moving in slow motion around the soccer pitch for charity. They'll be replaying the best moments from the past season, including the moment when Mizzenwood's star midfielder, Terry 'Hospital' Passy-Passy, finally got the fork out of his back. On Friday night in Standy Parsons Nightclub, The Sticklittles will be playing their first gig since their reunion. They split up because their lead singer felt that his band mates stabbed him in the back, metaphorically speaking, when they stabbed him in the back. 2/April/2007 - 9/April/2007 An arts and crafts fair takes place in the park on Sunday. A map maker will be demonstrating his skills. He captures mice from the area he wants to map. Then he puts red paint on the paws of each mouse, and he lets them run over a huge canvas. He says it takes three mice twenty minutes to create a detailed map, and they include all the paths and tunnels that only the mice know about. 26/March/2007 - 2/April/2007 Hoe Pear and the French Bullies will be playing in Standy Parsons Nightclub on Thursday. Their guitarist recently married a woman he allegedly met in a lap dancing club, but he says he's never met her in his life. This week, thousands of blue dots will be distributed around the town. Whoever can join them up and identify the shape will be presented with a simple choice: leave town or have the evil spirits removed by a professional. 19/March/2007 - 26/March/2007 A meeting about the flashing lights will take place in the Town Hall on Wednesday evening. Various explanations of the lights will be offered. Some people think it's linked to the people who communicate with each other by opening and closing shutters. 12/March/2007 - 19/March/2007 On Saturday afternoon the mayor will be opening the stairs that Shin Sheehan built in a bog. The steps don't lead anywhere. He says a nun told him to do it, but she says she's sick of people using that excuse when they build stairs or get arrested. Albert Eleestahart, the world famous liar and wig farmer, will be visiting the town on Thursday. He was invited by Brainey D'Fawn, and he'll be giving a talk in Brainey's casino. 5/March/2007 - 12/March/2007 Kerri Banshed will be painting portraits in the Young Ledwing-Glass Memorial Gallery all this week. She says she can steal people's souls by painting their portrait, but she insists that the souls will be happier with her because she has a big garden for them to run around in. Shoey Shoe and the Daimlers will be playing in the Alcehole bar on Thursday night. They'll be playing songs from their new album, which they recorded while being attacked by pelicans. 26/February/2007 - 5/March/2007 The annual imitation of Betty Sneeze contest takes place on Saturday afternoon. Contestants have to try to look like Betty Sneeze. No one will know what she looks like until she shows up at the town hall. The person whose appearance most resembles her look will win. Last year she wore a cowboy outfit (it was very definitely 'cowboy' and not 'cowgirl'). The year before that she wore nothing but a few carefully placed lemons. Giddy Hammer won, even though his nudity had nothing to do with the contest, and even though he'd be filed under 'cowboy' and not 'cowgirl'. 19/February/2007 - 26/February/2007 Enleen Lenguin has recently set up a business as a ghost hunter, and on Friday night she'll be trying to root out the ghost in Mrs. Delaney's house. Mrs. Delaney has said she'd be happy to allow people into her house to see Enleen at work. The ghost has spent the last twenty years searching the house for his hat. Alfred 'Ding' Happ-Causeway, the world-renowned bell ringer, will be performing in the Lingua Pingu theatre on Thursday night. He says he learnt everything he knows by throwing things at the milkman. 12/February/2007 - 19/February/2007 The Lingua Pingu Theatre has broken box office records with their Christmas pantomime (records only go back as far as the office was broken into). They've been reluctant to bring the pantomime to an end, and they've managed to extend it until next year by turning it into a human calendar. Actors from the pantomime will enact a performance that represents the current date. This could involve standing completely still or performing lewd acts with an inanimate object. They'll need a cast of 365. Auditions for the additional parts will be held on Saturday morning. 5/February/2007 - 12/February/2007 The athletics club will be holding a meeting in the Town Hall on Tuesday evening where new members to join. They say they want to get past the image they have as people who run through the fields in the night, wearing dark cloaks and fangs. They want to focus on the athletics. 'Why 44 and the Neil Biddingleys' will be playing the first gig of their lastest tour in Standy Parsons Nightclub on Friday night. They used to be 'Neil Biddingley and the Why 44s' but there was some confusion about which one of them was Neil Biddingley. All of the Neils have agreed that Why 44 is a stick. 29/January/2007 - 5/February/2007 On Tuesday evening at the fire station the firemen will be levitating to raise money for charity. Last year they successfully levitated to raise money for the primary school. They answered all questions about their levitation with the words 'what forklift?'. This is also what they keep saying to Din Darcy when he asks about his forklift, which was stolen. Aulburn Fling-Homestead's apple orchestra will be performing in the Lingua Pingu Theatre on Thursday evening. He admits that the performance consists almost entirely of silence, but he says that when they do make a sound, however slight, it's more thrilling than any music. 22/January/2007 - 29/January/2007 Crow-training classes will begin in the community centre at eight o' clock on Wednesday evening. The first class will cover the basics, such as teaching your crow the difference between right and wrong. The rugby club's annual general meeting is expected to end sometime this week. It's been going on for over four years, during which time the team haven't played. The club's president blamed the delay on a motion to travel back in time, which was seconded by a man who hasn't been born yet. The death of the club's treasurer, due to old age, only further prolonged the debate on the issue. They eventually agreed that if they ever acquired a time machine they'd travel forward in time and kidnap the man who seconded the motion. 15/January/2007 - 22/January/2007 The news rabbits from the local radio station will be going on holiday for the next two weeks. They'll be replaced by Trudie Table-Kitten, who'll be delivering the news through her nose. She says she's looking forward to stepping into the rabbit's shoes for a while, and she's very grateful to the rabbits for their support and advice. Brainey D'Fawn is holding a spider shuffling contest in his casino on Friday night. Whoever can shuffle the most spiders in a minute will win a VIP trip to a major sporting event. Brainey refuses to say what the event is or what 'VIP' stands for. He says he doesn't want to ruin the surprise when they get to the P. 8/January/2007 - 15/January/2007 A Science Society was recently set up in the town, and they'dll be having their first public explosion on Wednesday evening. They say it'll be just as educational as it is entertaining, and it'll be more entertaining than shooting traffic lights. The Turf Committee will be meeting in the Town Hall on Tuesday evening. They'll be discussing how they created the Yellow Clock Committee and whether or not they can destroy their creation before it destroys them. 1/January/2007 - 8/January/2007 A dance marathon takes place in Standy Parsons nightclub on Saturday night. The organisers have promised a stricter enforcement of the rules this year. A vet will be doing the drug testing. Two of the judges got drunk last year and the other was just a shadow, who also got drunk. Betty 'Willy Wonka' Nellerton-Mull will be opening her new restaurant on Thursday evening. Her chef is French and he doesn't speak any English, but she says she can communicate with him by reading the words he's tattooed on his face. |
